first light
by blondie AKA robin
Summary: Bella and Edward face what may be their greatest challenge: Marriage. One threat still stands between the couple and their fairy tale ending. Bella is the key to protecting the Cullens; but can she find enough control in time to save them?
1. Preface

**I highly recommend that you use the Serif font to view this book. It is the middle 'A' in the upper right hand corner.**

_Author's Note:_

**first light** _is my 'fairytale ending' story of Bella's transformation from human to vampire following the conclusion of Stephenie Meyer's book_ **eclipse**_. The 'real' story of what happens will be found in Stephenie's next book,_ **breaking dawn**_, tentatively scheduled for release in the Fall of 2008. This is not meant to be a substitute – just a diversion until her book is released – something to pass the time while we wait. Think of it as the local warm-up band before the national headliner… Okay, maybe the comedian before…_

_I have tried to stay true to the facts already published about Stephenie's characters found in the_ **twilight** _books and to quotes from Stephenie found online. I have also kept this story PG-13, at least as I interpret the rating. I expect that NOTHING I've written to actually happen in her book – hers will be much, much better!_

_A note about the Epilogues: Originally this story ended after Epilogue I, and I was very happy with that ending. After spending time on the forums I realized that there was one __more big__ loose end to tie up, so Epilogue II was born. _

_I had a ton of fun writing this story – I hope that you have fun reading it. See you in line at the book store this fall!_

_blondie__ AKA Robin_

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. 

_

* * *

**"You can't hurt me. **_**_Westley__ and I are joined by the _**_**bonds of love.  
And you cannot track that. Not with a thousand bloodhounds.  
And you cannot break it. **_**_Not with a thousand swords.  
And when I say you are __a __coward, that is only because you are the slimiest __weakling__ ever to crawl the earth.__"_**

**- The Princess Bride**

* * *

**Preface**

I focused on the heavy oak door ahead of me, stifling the growl that was dying to escape my throat. The last time I walked these ancient stone corridors I was weak, timid, helpless. Not this time.

This time I was on the offensive; a strong and powerful vampire. No longer did I stand on the sidelines, watching while others fought for me – this time I was the aggressor, and I would show no mercy.

Edward shifted silently next to me, preparing for the attack. His hand tightened around mine, not in affection, but in concentration. His other hand reached for the latch.

We heard our target chuckle behind the door, unaware of the eminent danger he was in; unaware of me. That was about to change.


	2. The Gift

**1. The Gift**

Sixteen days.  
My mouth became dry as I stared at my computer screen, reading my mother's email:

**I'm looking forward to seeing you ****in two weeks.**

She was arriving two days before the wedding. I tried not to flinch as the word _wedding_ crossed my mind, but my eyes still twitched. It was all happening so fast.

A wedding was my idea, I reminded myself. Edward had been perfectly happy to elope to Las Vegas, but I knew that my parents deserved more. Neither of them was happy about our marriage plans, but they both eventually agreed to silence their concerns and participate. They would never know that this was much more than a wedding – it was a goodbye.

Following our marriage, Edward and I were leaving for Alaska. Everyone in my human life believed that it was to attend the University of Alaska Southeast, but it was much more than that. When we got to Alaska I would cease to be human. Edward would make me immortal – a vampire like him.

A lot had to happen first before Edward would sink his teeth into me, starting with the wedding. Alice had been excited to be allowed to plan our nuptials, and I'd been spending most of my time trying to keep her from going overboard. The wedding was under control, I thought. The reception was another matter, though.

Since the only place large enough to host a sit down dinner in Forks is at the high school, Alice had elected to erect a huge tent in the field right next to the church. I was pretty sure that the tent was going dwarf its neighbor, by the sound of it. She had a caterer coming from Seattle to prepare and serve the dinner, and hired a popular jazz band from out of town as well. I tried not to think about how much money she was pumping into the Washington economy with this event.

Edward's main task had been to choose his groomsmen. He asked Emmett to be his best man, Ben Cheney, and of all people Tyler Crowley to join him. I could only imagine what the bachelor party would be like with that combination of humans and vampires…

My list was similarly short. I had selected two more bridesmaids, an easy task. Angela and Jessica were both thrilled to participate. Jessica had questioned our decision to marry so soon, but Angela, always thoughtful, didn't say a word, and helped quell Jessica's curiosity.

Only two items remained on the must do list. We were still searching for the right ring for Edward's hand, with no luck. And then there was my gift to him, which was proving to be incredibly difficult.

I had considered asking Alice to look into the future and see my choice, but that seemed like cheating. I should be able to do this myself. But what could I give him that could possibly symbolize my love for him… that I could afford?

I pondered these questions while staring at my computer screen. With a click Google eventually appeared, and I quickly had a list of the standard gift ideas for grooms before me. Cuff links, money clips… nothing looked appealing. The MP3 player idea caught my eye, but that sounded more like a birthday present than a wedding gift. I filed that one away for Christmas…

It wasn't any easier that Edward never left my side. Not that I wanted him to leave, but thinking up and preparing a present in front of him sort of defeated the purpose. Frustrated, I shut down the computer and turned toward my love.

Edward was sprawled out on my bed casually perusing a paperback. I watched his face for a few minutes, his mouth turning up at the corners as he read. Then a smirk. "What are you reading?"

"Shakespeare. Something a little lighter that _Romeo and Juliet_, though." I could hear the smile in his voice as he held the book up so I could read the title. _Much Ado __About__ Nothing_. "How appropriate," I said, giving him my own wry smile. He rolled his eyes and then brushed my cheek. As he did, I caught his hand and lightly kissed it.

"You look thirsty today." His eyes looked like shiny black pearls. Gone were the dark, black holes of the past; there was always a glint in them now, even on the darkest days.

"You don't miss much, do you?" His face grew serious. "Would you be comfortable with me going hunting with Emmett and Jasper for a day or two?" He studied my face, trying to read the reflection of my thoughts.

I was still gnawing on the wedding gift problem though, so replied, "I think that's a good idea. I can visit Esme while you're gone."

His surprise was apparent, "Are you getting more comfortable with me leaving?" A flash of worry crossed his face. I reached up and stroked his icy cheek.

"Of course not. But you may be surprised to learn that there are one or two things I do need to do _without_ you before the big day." The word 'wedding' still didn't roll off my tongue well. I shot him a sly and hopefully sexy glance. I wondered if he knew that I'd already acquired my honeymoon lingerie…

"Ahhh," His eyes lit up as he scooped me up in his arms and tickled my ear with his nose. "Mmmm. This marriage thing gets better and better." He softly caressed my neck with his lips. My heart fluttered to my throat.

"This is definitely one of my favorite parts." I let out a throaty laugh, and he joined me. It was so nice to be totally at ease together. We cuddled silently for a moment. "Not that I'm trying to rush you out the door, but when are you planning to go?"

He set me down so I could look him directly in the eyes. "Would tomorrow be too soon? I can go anytime that you please, but since you seem to have plans anyway…" His voice trailed off with a seductive lilt.

"I need to find out if Esme is available. I would like to spend some time alone with her. If it's alright with her, then you're free." I reached up and kissed him, savoring his irresistible taste.

He flipped out his cell phone and quickly dialed home. After a quick conversation, he smiled and turned to me. "Alice and Rosalie are hunting as well, and Esme would be delighted to spend the day with you. You are also invited to sleep over tomorrow night."

* * *

The next morning Edward drove me to his house. For once he wasn't pushing my old truck as fast as possible. We discussed where he would be hunting. Edward remained over protective of me, and even though it had been quiet and threat free for a while now, he still wasn't going too far away. Esme met us at the door, and I turned to Edward. "Off you go," I smiled.

We kissed, a long, lingering, kiss, and he whispered in my ear "I will miss you, my love."

"I love you. Hurry back." I squeezed his cold hand, and he turned to go.

Esme's delight at our affection was apparent as she teased, "I'll miss you too, Edward."

Edward headed to the garage to meet his brothers. "Love you too Mom," he tossed over his shoulder.

"Have fun," Esme beamed. She put her arm around me as we walked into the house. "So what would you like to do?" she asked. "I would have thought you would want to go out with Alice while Edward was gone."

I looked at her, enjoying the warmth of her smile. "I love Alice, but she can be a little, well, intense. I was hoping that you and I could spend some time together, _Mom_." I gave her a squeeze. Esme's face was radiant.

"That sounds wonderful, Bella. Did you have anything specific in mind?"

"I am having a really tough time finding the right gift for Edward. Could we go to Olympia and just stroll the stores and talk? I'm hoping inspiration will strike, and I would really enjoy your company." Esme was so calm and warm, I knew that an afternoon of shopping with her would be a relaxed and comfortable experience, and I would be able to think.

The drive to Olympia was marvelous. Esme shared story after story about her _kids_. I told her about my childhood growing up with my mother and spending summers in Forks. The hour and a half it took to get to Olympia only seemed like a few minutes even though Esme drove slowly by Cullen standards.

We looked everywhere: antique shops, book stores, even the mall, but I was still unable to find any inspiration for a gift for Edward. Esme only confirmed that my century-old fiancée wanted for nothing. We ended up walking through a park in the center of the city.

Even in the gray that was Washington the flowers were brilliant, and everything in the park was in full bloom. Esme knew the names of each variety, pointing out the subtle variations in the different blossoms. We stopped at a particularly pretty display of daffodils and Esme sighed, "These are exactly the flowers that were in my wedding bouquet."

I hesitated. I knew that she had been married more than once. "When you married Carlisle?"

"Yes," she gave me a knowing smile. "It was the summer of 1922, the beginning of the 'roaring twenties'. Carlisle had proposed to me on New Year's Eve, right at midnight. Our wedding was very small, held in a garden not unlike this one. We chose evening, and mixed candles with all the flowers. Edward was handsome, of course, as best man, and my friend Lena was my maid of honor. We invited a few friends from the hospital where Carlisle worked." She sighed as she remembered. I could see the whole scene in my mind.

"I wish I could have been there, it sounds beautiful," I said. I resisted the urge to compare our plans to what Esme had. Then a question came to me. "What did Carlisle give you for your wedding?"

A twinkle lit in Esme's eyes. "Would you like to see?" I looked confused, and her smile got wider as she guided me to another flowerbed of daffodils. These were white with ruffled petals, each with a drop of red at its center. She pointed at the nearby sign, which contained the Latin name of the variety, and below, the common name, _Esme's__ Hearts_.

"Wow. He had a flower named after you?" I was in trouble…

"Yes. Carlisle knew how much I loved daffodils, and had a friend who was a grower in Wales at the time. He had worked with the grower for months to develop this strain of flower." If she could have, she would have shed a tear. "They still take my breath away."

Impressed as I was, I was beginning to feel very small again. I had nothing that could come close to this for Edward. He probably was planning something at least this elaborate for me. A question burned on my lips, "And what did you give Carlisle?"

"I dabble in painting pictures. I painted a portrait of him."

"I've seen it in his office, haven't I?" I remembered the picture hanging near his desk, and the remarkably vivid eyes in the portrait. "It's wonderful."

Esme smiled humbly. "Thank you."

I stood staring at the flowers doubting I could come up with anything that special for Edward. What would I do?

"A penny for your thoughts…" she whispered. I frowned at the lovely plants. "You'll find something special for Edward, something that is special from you to him, I'm sure." She seemed to read the frustration directly out of my mind. There was a twinge in the back of my brain…

"Esme, have you become a mind reader, too?" I relaxed my face and my thoughts.

"No," she chuckled, "I can't read your mind any more than Edward can, penny or no. But you have a very expressive face, Bella. It is one of the things that Edward loves about you."

I reached around Esme's waist and gave her a hug. "I'm really looking forward to being a permanent part of your family."

"You already are, dear, you already are."

As we headed back to the car, the twinge in my brain finally emerged as an idea. Maybe small is the key. I only needed a few things to make this work…

"I think I've got it…" Esme returned my smile.

She waited patiently while I made the arrangements, carefully keeping her from information that might tip Edward off. Alice would probably give everything away anyway, but I had to try. I met her at the car, triumphant, and she smiled with so much love that I had to hug her.


	3. Logistics

**3. Logistics**

Esme stopped on the way home so I could grab a bite to eat. It was already getting dark by the time we made it back. We parked next to Carlisle's car in the garage, reminding me of one other thing I'd wanted to do while Edward was away.

Carlisle met us in the family room, giving Esme a warm hug. "How was the shopping?" he asked me.

"I'm optimistic." I flashed a quick smile. As Carlisle and Esme strolled to the couch, I went up to put my things away in Edward's room and freshened up. Even though it was late, I wasn't tired, so I went back down. I wished I'd brought a book, but that would only be a distraction. I was hoping that Carlisle would have the time to answer a couple of questions, but prepared myself in case he didn't. Carlisle still intimidated me with his knowledge and brilliant looks.

I gathered myself, and walked down. Esme and Carlisle sat close on the couch, each reading. They looked up as I slid into the arm chair closest to them. "Not tired yet, Bella?" Carlisle's tone was conversational as he lowered the paper. Esme set the magazine in her lap and smiled.

"No, not yet." I looked more closely at the newspaper in his hand. "The London Times? Harkening back to your youth?" I hoped that my attempt at humor was not offensive. The corners of Carlisle's mouth turned up.

"You could say that. I've been in the U.S. so long that I don't really feel English anymore, though the accent doesn't seem to fade. I guess there is still a bond to my birth city though." His smile got wider. "And I still appreciate dry British humor."

I smiled back, wondering if I would feel that way about Forks, after I became a vampire. Of course, I could never come back. I must have frowned because Carlisle's face changed. "You look like you have a lot on your mind, Bella. Is there something you wanted to talk about?"

"I was wondering if I could talk to you about, well, the future." I felt like I was asking him for money or permission to take the car. He waited patiently for me to start. Somehow, the words I'd planned to say earlier vanished. I closed my eyes to try and order them back.

"How are the wedding plans going?" Carlisle asked gently, breaking the ice.

I breathed. "Very well. Alice is still under control, I think. The only thing I have left to do is find a ring for Edward. I'm actually starting to look forward to the ceremony." And the honeymoon…

"That's good to hear. I know Edward is very excited about it. Have you two talked about where you would like to live after the wedding?" Our conversation had turned right to where I'd been trying to go.

"We've been thinking Alaska, but I think Edward is also serious about New Hampshire." I took a breath. "I suppose it depends on where the best place would be for me to _change_." I paused. "I guess you'll be leaving too."

"Yes, we will. It is time to make a new start." He took Esme's hand and looked at her. "We have a place in Idaho that we haven't stayed at for quite a while, so we are thinking of going there."

Esme turned to me, "You and Edward are very welcome to join us, of course."

I tried to smile back but failed. "Thank you, Esme. I guess you'll never be able to come back to this house." It made me sad to think that this house would not be the Cullen family home any more. Wouldn't be my home, ever.

"Oh, I wouldn't say never." Carlisle smiled at me.

"But the Quileutes… I thought that once Edward changes me, you would be breaking the treaty." I couldn't say 'bites me'.

"Well, I had a talk with Sam about that." He looked at me carefully, trying to gauge my reaction to the name. I tensed, hoping that other werewolves would not be mentioned.

"He has, well, unique experience with your situation, and was open to renegotiation. He is allowing you as an exception to the treaty, but we cannot return until his generation is gone, at least a century. He is amazingly reasonable."

I would never have thought that Sam and I would have anything in common, but it was true that we both were the apex of two bizarre love triangles.

"That's good to hear. I have a feeling that I will always consider this my home." I quickly moved on, the subject of werewolves was not where I wanted to dwell. I took another deep breath.

Carlisle took my hand and looked at me. His eyes vibrated ever so slightly, as if he were reading a book in my eyes. "Are you wondering about becoming one of us?"

"Am I that transparent?" He smiled again. I was now able to smile back. "I know the basics. I've heard some account of everyone's history and experience, but I was wondering more about the logistics of the change, what actually happens over those… days." I strained on the last word.

"Have you discussed this with Edward?" Carlisle didn't want to meddle.

"I have, to a point. For some of the finer details I thought it might be easier to get an unbiased description." …among other things, I finished in my head. "But I can talk to him again, if you'd rather not…" I looked at Esme, not sure if the subject bothered her.

"It's fine, Bella. I'm sure that you have many questions." Esme's voice was reassuring.

Carlisle folded his paper in one quick motion and set it on the table next to him. "It is a fairly straightforward process. You will go somewhere that you can, as comfortably as possible, endure the change in privacy. You'll be bitten in five places, each wrist, each ankle, and your neck. I've found that the more venom that is dispersed into your system, the faster the conversion."

His description was frank and clinical, which I appreciated. "I understand that Edward will be doing the honors, correct?" I nodded. "Your heart will pump the venom throughout your body. I think you already have an idea what that will feel like." His eyes flashed quickly to my hand, where the crescent scar glinted slightly in the light. I nodded again, somberly, remembering my hand burning.

"The venom will then permeate your tissues completely, transforming you as it does. This is where your case is different from the others. Each of my children, and my _wife_," he squeezed Esme's hand, "was mortally injured when they were changed. One of the effects of the venom is to repair any damage the host body has sustained, and this can be the most painful part. Since you will have very little damage to repair, I'm hopeful that you will complete the transformation in record time. The process ends when your heart stops beating." He looked at my face and waited for the next question.

"Will I be conscious of anyone around me once it starts?" I was a little unsteady, and I think Carlisle realized that we were zeroing in on what was really bothering me.

Carlisle turned to Esme. "I could hear Carlisle's voice, and feel him touching me," she said as she looked in Carlisle's eyes. "It really helped."

Carlisle slowly broke his gaze with Esme and turned back to me. "It different for everyone, though. Rosalie remembers nearly everything that was said to her, but Emmett only clearly remembers Rosalie's face." He paused.

"Edward has never shared his experience with me. I think it was very hard for him, and he is so concerned with protecting others and their feelings, including mine, that he hasn't given me any details." Carlisle's brow creased as his doubt about creating Edward surfaced briefly.

I paused. This was the hardest question for me to ask. "Can you tell me how you felt, watching Esme go through the change?" I whispered the question, and hoped that the expression on my face would explain that he was free to say no. Carlisle looked into my eyes, and of course, dug the real question straight out of my heart.

"You are worried about Edward, aren't you? How he will handle this process." I closed my eyes and bowed my head.

"Yes." I took a deep breath. "I am not sure he should stay with me while I'm in pain. I know what he will feel, and I can't put him through that." It was out, finally.

Esme's voice was thoughtful. "How do you know what he will feel?"

"I have a good idea what _I_ will feel, and I've seen what I will look like. It will be like stabbing him in the chest if I ask him to watch that." I had to stop, turning my face to look out the wall of windows. As I started to remember, I pinched my eyes shut, forcing my mind to other places.

"Are you are remembering Bree? …What Jane did to her? That really isn't…" Carlisle's voice trailed off as I shook my head violently.

"Not what she did to Bree. What she did to _Edward_." I stood up and walked stiffly to windows. No one spoke for a long minute.

"Bella, what did Jane do to Edward?" Esme's voice was fearful.

"I thought Alice told you everything that happened in Italy." I prayed that they would say 'oh, that,' but I was disappointed.

"Alice only said that Jane tried her talent on you and was unsuccessful." Carlisle spoke softly, realization slowly creeping into his voice.

"That is true but… incomplete." I didn't want to do this, but it was too late now. I stared at my own stony reflection in the windows. The words were slow and quiet. "Aro told Jane to try her talent on me. As you so aptly put it, Edward was so concerned with protecting me he jumped into her line of sight."

My focus changed to the darkness outside as I tried not to picture the actual memory. "As he jumped, Alice screamed, 'Don't' but in an instant Edward fell to the floor, convulsing in pain." Esme gasped. The tears began streaming down my cheeks and my voice barely made it past my lips.

"Edward didn't make a sound. He was so brave. I screamed for us both… I tried to reach him, but Alice held me back. As I watched him suffer I could feel my heart being ripped out of my chest. I would have done _anything_ to make it stop." I fought back a sob.

"When finally it did stop, Edward looked up at me with a face I will never forget. His eyes were black as pitch and as big as saucers, filled with terror. He was horrified to have to watch me suffer the torture he had just endured. Thankfully he didn't have to."

I pushed my fists into my eyes; tears began dripping down my arms. "I can't let Edward go through that, watching _me_ suffer like that. It was only seconds for me watch, but for him it will be _days_." I couldn't continue. I felt cold arms wrap around me.

"It is not the same. It won't be the same." Carlisle's voice was weak, distant. I didn't look up as I tried to breathe.

"It will be very different, I promise." The velvet words swept over me like a wave as I realized who was holding me. I spun around to face Edward, and after one look at his face I buried my face in his chest. I hadn't wanted him to see me like this, but I couldn't help but be glad he was there. The sobs came freely now.

"Shhh, Bella. It's okay." He stroked my hair. "It's okay." He turned toward the couch and we sat down again. Carlisle had Esme in his arms. I concentrated on silencing the sobs but the tears were still flowing as I looked at Carlisle, hoping he would understand.

Carlisle looked up from Esme. I could tell that they could feel my pain as well as I could, and that made me feel even worse. "I'm sorry" I whispered to everyone.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Edward whispered. Disappointment lurked in his voice. He took the handkerchief that Carlisle offered him and began to gently wipe the tears from my cheeks.

"Probably for the same reason you didn't tell them about Volterra." The words came out harsh. I tried to soften them. "I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to hide any of this from you. I just don't want this to be any harder for you than it already is." He held me close, kissing my forehead.

He looked in my eyes, deciding. "Do you want me to leave so you can finish your conversation?" Edward's voice was concerned.

I looked in his eyes and knew he was sincere. "No. Don't go." I put my head on his shoulder as I continued to calm myself. I wasn't sure how to continue, if I could. I turned again to Carlisle.

Carlisle was serious as he looked at me and then at Edward. I could feel Edward's minute nod, answering Carlisle' thought. I squeezed his hand in response.

Carlisle saw our exchange. "Bella, your perception is quite notable. It actually reminds me of your mother, Edward." Edward's eyes widen slightly as Carlisle continued. "You asked earlier about how I felt, watching Esme endure the change. It was very difficult, but there are some very significant differences between her experience and what yours will be." Carlisle turned to Esme and stared into her eyes. She also nodded. He continued to speak to me while immersed in her gaze.

"When I found Esme dying, she had no idea what I was, and we had only a very short history together. She was unconscious, unaware of my presence. As I looked at her, I felt a new emotion starting to grow in my _heart_." His face shined with the love he felt for his wife.

"I realized that I didn't want to lose her. I'd only ever changed Edward, and as I looked at her, I knew I couldn't injure her any further." He gave Edward an apologetic look. Edward returned his look with forgiveness. Carlisle turned back to Esme.

"I decided that I could only infect her once." He gently placed a hand next to her neck for a moment. "I wasn't sure it would save her, but I could do no more to her. As the venom spread through her system I knew it was working because she was in such pain." Esme gathered his hands in hers. "It was hard because, like Edward, she did not know what was happening or why. I stayed with her, explaining to her and comforting her."

I looked at Edward's face. He was thoughtful. I wondered what he was reading in Carlisle's mind. Carlisle's voice was soft now. "The venom then started to repair her bones, so many of which were broken, one by one. That was the hardest part. I couldn't comfort her during that. Luckily Edward was there." He closed his eyes. Esme wrapped her arms around Carlisle, comforting him now. Edward shuddered. I felt so ashamed for asking them to relive that pain. Another tear ran down my cheek.

Edward turned to me. "Our experience will be very different, Bella." He gently brushed away the tear with one finger. "Every one of us had no preparation, no idea what was happening. We didn't know of the existence of vampires, and here we were joining them. You, on the other hand, know what will happen, what you are becoming, and _I know_ that this is your wish, not a snap decision on my part. I also know that once you've decided something you do not regret it later."

"You don't feel guilty about doing this to me any more? Not selfish?" Surprise colored my question. Edward stroked my cheek, and his eyes were clear amber, hiding nothing. I could tell he'd thought a lot about this.

"For a long time I did feel that way, but not any more. I realized that I am not doing this _to_ you, or _for_ me. You and I are doing this _together_, so we can be with each other forever. Can you see how that makes it different? And how I really need to be with you through this?" His eyes were pleading, trying to impress his point on me.

I turned away as I absorbed this information, but he pulled my chin up again, his eyes anxious. "I _will_ feel the pain with you and it _will_ be hard for me… but I won't feel guilty. I truly believe we are meant to be together forever, and this is just one more step on that journey." He closed his eyes, hiding his emotions from me.

He didn't open them, and his voice was a whisper. "But if you don't want me to be with you, I will go away until you want me to return." He took another breath and then opened his eyes. The sadness was still strong in his eyes as he waited for my response.

As I looked up at him my mind chewed on what he had said. I repeated the words in my head to make sure that I truly believed him.

"Bella, _please_ tell me what you're thinking." Concern was rising in Edward's voice, and his face was growing fearful. But I had to make sure that I understood what he was saying, and that I truly trusted myself. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and made my decision.

I opened my eyes and put my hand on Edward's cheek. "I _always_ want you with me. For so long I have looked at this change as something that is happening to me, and me alone. When I saw what I would look like in Bree's face," I shuddered, "I realized that this wasn't just about me, and that you would have to endure this as well. But I still didn't see us as doing this _together_. Now I understand."

I paused, and saw that Edward was still hanging on my words. "_We_ will do this _together_." I stroked his cheek. "I don't think I could have ever really asked you to go, anyway."

The concern lurking in his eyes melted away into relief, and he kissed me. "There is one more thing." His expression questioned me, but as I turned my head, he knew what was coming. "Carlisle, would you please stay with us, too?" He looked at me and then at Edward, asking him with his thoughts.

"Yes Carlisle, we both would really like you with us." Edward's voice was sincere.

"I would be honored." He smiled warmly. Esme's face was glowing with happiness as she looked at us.

Edward turned to me. "You really should get some sleep now." I nodded, feeling spent from the emotions. I started to rise, but Carlisle's look stopped me.

"Before you go, we may have something else that could help you." He turned to Esme, and her eyes sparkled. Edward turned serious as he watched. Carlisle rose gracefully, "Excuse me for a moment." He moved so fast that in one blink he was gone, and in the next he returned. He placed something in Esme's hands.

"Bella, you had mentioned that you were still looking for a ring. Carlisle and I would like to offer this to you, as a possibility for Edward. This was my father's." Esme placed a fuzzy silver box in my hands.

I held the box up so that Edward could see when I opened the lid. Inside was a man's wedding ring. It was a solid band of yellow gold, with a fine filigree carving all around it. It was graceful, yet masculine. I held my left hand up next to the box, the two rings matched perfectly. "It is beautiful," I whispered.

I looked up at Edward. "Do you like it?" He looked at me, and I knew his answer.

"It's perfect." He looked at his parents with deep love and respect. "Thank you." Esme beamed. I took the ring out of the box, and reached for his left hand.

I looked into his eyes, and he swallowed once, realizing what I was doing. "Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, I cannot live without your love in my life. Pleasure and pain, happiness and sadness, I will share them all with you, forever." I felt my heart race with the words. "Will you marry me?" Edward's eyes turned to bright golden beacons, and his face literally began to glow.

"Yes," he whispered hoarsely. I took the ring and slid it on his finger. It fit perfectly. I lifted his now ringed hand to my lips and kissed the gold. He then brought my lips to his and kissed me, ignoring his parents sitting next to us. Lightheaded, I had to pull away to catch my breath.

I looked up at Esme then Carlisle, who also looked amazingly joyful, and turned beet red as I listened to my heart pound. I smiled at them sheepishly. Edward placed his hands on my face, locking his eyes with mine. I could feel the ring touching my cheek. His eyes burned as he breathed, "I'll love you forever." As I inhaled his scent, my head began to spin. He kissed me one more time, gently.

Edward slowly released me, and I caught my breath. I looked around. Carlisle and Esme were wrapped in each other's arms. My heart was full of joy as I picked up the now empty box. "You do know that you're going to have to give that back…" I gave him a wry smile.

Edward admired his ring again. "Yes, but we have to go show Alice, first." He stood, and moved toward Carlisle. I was touched as he wrapped his arms around his father. I didn't try and hear what he was saying, but I could see the love in Carlisle's face. I hugged Esme, and no words were necessary. Esme then turned and kissed Edward on the cheek.

I now turned to Carlisle and hugged him tightly. "Thank you. Thank you for tonight, for all the times you've been there to fix me up, for protecting me, and most of all for Edward." I was starting to tear up again.

Carlisle whispered, "You are so welcome. I am proud to have you as a daughter." He kissed me on the cheek. He looked at both of us as he said, "Now go find your sister, I know she is thrilled."


	4. Control

**4. Control**

It was just a week until the wedding. I was now so into the planning that it was hard to believe I couldn't even say the word marriage just a few months ago. Edward and I had planned to spend this day together, alone, celebrating our upcoming nuptials. We had also decided that this was the day we would give each other our gifts. I shuddered to think what he had for me, but I was resolved to accept what ever it was with grace.

We spent the afternoon in our meadow, laughing, kissing, and playfully enjoying each other's company. We headed back to the car when it was nearing dinner time, and Edward drove us home. I wasn't paying attention to where we were going, though, and when I did look out the window, I didn't recognize where we were. Edward had driven to a rocky point that overlooked the ocean and the coming sunset. It was breathtaking.

Edward stepped out of the car, and I expected him at my door with his usual speed, but he did not appear on cue. I waited only a moment more, and then he materialized. I grabbed his present as he opened my door. He took me around the car, where I was surprised to find a large blue blanket spread on the ground dressed with flowers and dinner for me.

"Wow" I whispered. Edward scooped me up and set me gently on the blanket. He laid on his side, wrapped around me, fork in hand. He swept my hair back, enjoying the scent that breezed his direction, and speared a single bite of what appeared to be a succulent cut of beef and raised it to my lips.

"Mmmm, that's fabulous. Did you make all this?"

"I tried. As you know, it's no irritable grizzly." He chuckled. I could see the smoldering starting to grow in his eyes. I took another bite. He watched me intently as I enjoyed the rest of the gourmet meal. I dabbed my mouth for the final time with my napkin and turned to face Edward.

"That was great. I'm stuffed." I patted my comfortably full stomach.

"Stay there for just a second." In a flash he had collected the dishes and packed them all away in the car. He replaced the flowers with an array of tiny tea lights that encircled the blanket. He floated down next to me without a sound and wrapped his arms around me.

"May I give you your gift now?" he whispered in my ear. He tried to look casual as he spoke, but I could tell he was anxious to spring it on me.

I took a deep breath and took one more look out at the now brilliant sunset. "That would be lovely." I found myself picking up his formal speech.

He reached around me and produced a gold box with a black bow. The size of a tissue box, I was surprised at the weight of the gift as I slid it closer. I untied the ribbon and lifted the lid carefully, not knowing what to expect. Inside, nestled in matching gold paper, was a book. Curious, I lifted the book up to examine it in the sunset. It was leather bound and very old. I opened the cover and inhaled as I read the title page. _Pride and Prejudice_, my favorite. What caught my breath was what was below the title in handwritten script. _Jane Austen_.

I turned the page and saw the date of publication – 1813, a first edition, signed. My eyes were filling with tears, so I carefully closed the antique and set it back in the box. "Do you like it?" Edward asked, confused. I swallowed, trying to find my voice.

"I didn't want to get it wet." I turned to face him, with tears streaming down my cheeks. "You couldn't have given me anything more special. It's my favorite."

He gently wove his fingers in my hair. "I noticed your copy was getting a little worn." Our lips met, and I felt so close to him, one with him. "It's one of my favorite books, too," he murmured.

"I love you doesn't seem enough."

He reached over and closed the box. I took another deep breath, "My turn. I hope you appreciate how hard you are to shop for." I let a smirk cross my face.

He feigned horror. "You didn't spend money on me, did you?"

I poked his ribs, stony though they are, and handed him a small silver gift bag. Edward looked inside and took out a small black box and pale blue parchment envelope, setting them on the blanket in front of him.

"Which should I open first?"

"The envelope." I held my breath as he carefully opened it. I watched his face intently as he read.

**_My dearest Edward,_**

**_What to get the man who has everything? You do have it all: my heart, my body, my soul are all irrevocably sealed to yours. I wish I had the words to explain what that means to me. I never imagined I could love someone the way I love you. You are beautiful on the outside, but it is your humor, your compassion, and your fierce devotion that I love the most. You are my life, my love, and my future forever. I didn't know what it was to live until I knew you, and I can't live without you._**

**_The one thing that I would give you, if I could, would be my thoughts. I know how frustrated you get, even though you can usually tell what I'm thinking by just reading my face. I want you to know that there is no thought I won't share with you, nothing I will hide from you. If you ever have trouble reading my face or thoughts in the future, perhaps this small token can help you._**

**_With all my love, forever,_**

**_Bella_**

I saw emotions parade through his face as he read, finishing with a happy curiosity as he looked up from the letter. He carefully folded it back up and placed it back in the silver bag. I handed him the box without another word. He opened it. After a brief moment, understanding filled his face.

"A penny, for your thoughts." His smile grew as he drew out the penny I'd had mounted on a matching copper chain and let it sway in the now golden twilight.

"You don't have to wear it if you don't want to, I know it is a little silly," I blushed, embarrassed. He immediately put the chain on, the color highlighting his hair. Esme will be pleased. My heartbeat turned erratic as he reached for the top button on his shirt. He unbuttoned two more buttons to reveal the pendant that dangled against his chest. "I…" My words faded out quickly as he continued unbuttoning until his entire chest was visible. He briefly fingered the pendant, then held it to his quiet heart. My heart stopped as he took my face in his hands and peered deep into my eyes.

"It is not silly. I love only you more." Edward pressed his lips to mine and kissed me in a way that made me forget my name. I tried so hard to keep control of my hormones. It took all my conscious effort to keep from welding my body to his bare chest. We separated, and caught our breath. "Does it work?" He raised an eyebrow.

I had to concentrate on what he was asking, but the truth came out easily. "I was thinking that the copper color matches your hair perfectly. I'm relieved that you like it. And that we need to show Esme your gift, I know she's dying to know what it is. I nearly passed out when you unbuttoned your shirt. And I had to try _really_ hard to let go of you." My face reddened.

"It works great," he beamed. The smoldering filled his eyes again and he asked, "Do you know what I'm thinking?"

I tried to breathe as he drew near. "I'm guessing that you might happy." I could feel my skin turning to fire under his gaze.

Edward pulled me to him tightly and leaned me into the blanket. His bare icy chest and cool breath knocked me senseless. "Happy is not the word. Ecstatic." His voice was hoarse. He started kissing my neck, sending spasms through me, then worked his way up to my chin, and then to my lips. These kisses were not soft, but deliberate and deep, making my toes tingle.

He hovered his body over me, just barely touching me. I felt the penny I'd just given him fall from his chest onto mine. I shivered when the cold coin hit my skin. Our lips parted and Edward stared into my eyes. "Intoxicated." He began to trace my face with his hand, still hovering over me. His kiss was passionate and uninhibited. As we kissed, I felt his hand slide down my neck to the edge of my blouse. I shivered as I felt a single cool finger trace the neckline of my blouse, across my chest, lingering for only a second.

Edward's lips moved to my ear, giving me the opportunity to gasp for air. Now he pressed his body to mine and I felt a new sensation. The chill of his chest radiated down to my waist. I could feel the heat of my skin permeating his, and my heart started to pound. The careful, restrained Edward was gone. My blouse, I realized, was now open; it drifted down either side of my ribs. A new line had been crossed, and my hormones kicked into overdrive. I wrapped my arms around him, gluing our bodies together. So little separated us now. "Edward," I tried to say, but it came out as more as a moan than a warning.

"How do you feel?" His voice was seductive, enticing.

Now mine was hoarse, "You have no idea." I reflexively threw my head back, exposing every millimeter of my vulnerable throat. Edward inhaled sharply, raising goose bumps on the back of my neck. He pulled my face down to his, sending another shiver up my spine. The voice in my head changed. _This is so right_ it whispered. "We. Are. So…" I gasped "Close."

He breathed in my ear, "Yes, my _lover_" and it was clear that he was not thinking of the wedding anymore.

I knew I should try and stop but I didn't _want_ to. I inhaled his luscious scent, closing my eyes. He started kissing my neck again, and I could feel his tongue trace my collar bone, and his hand on my thigh. In one smooth motion, Edward slid my knee up to his hip, and rolled onto his back. I dove to his lips, locking my fingers in his hair.

I wasn't thinking now, my world was him. My head was spinning as he held me tight. His chest didn't feel cold any more, in fact it was slick with my perspiration. I moved to his ear, softly inhaling as I began to trace it with my tongue. Edward gasped. "You are _amazing_." I heard a _plink_ as the penny came unstuck from my hot chest and fell back to his, causing a shiver to race through him. He was breathing as heavily as I was, locked in the moment.

"_You are_ _so warm_." Edward's words carried an intensity I'd never heard. I turned back to his lips, tasting first his top, then his bottom lip. His hands were suddenly cold on my neck and then gently moved down onto my shoulders, sliding my blouse down around my arms. Unbelievably, my heart sped up another notch, ready to jump out of my chest.

"Mmmm" he purred, listening to the pounding. My breath caught in my throat as he slid his hand down my back. His cool fingers traced the straps of my bra, sending a fresh spasm through me. His touch was electric, but also cleared one tiny corner in my brain. _One last chance_. The responsible voice in my head managed a whisper. _No, don't stop_. I argued with myself. _What is really right for Edward?_

I forced out the only words I could manage, "Don't. Move." They came out as a breathy whisper in his ear, but the effect was immediate. Edward's hands became perfectly still, his only movement his fast breathing. "Bella…" he yearned.

_Slow down_. "You are so sexy. Unbearably beautiful." I tried to slow my own breathing as I whispered in his ear. I didn't know if I could get control, I'd wanted this for so long. I moved deliberately, holding on to the small amount of control I had somehow found. Slowly I traced his face with my nose, around to his ear and down his neck. As I reached the chain I had just given him, the control wavered momentarily. Carefully I wrapped my hands around the sides of his perfect chest. I touched my lips to the copper, somehow resisting the urge to trace it with my tongue, and lightly followed it to his sternum, letting my hair follow my lips across his chest.

Another purr escaped his lips, sending an electric shock through my body. I found the penny above his quiet heart, and pressed my lips to it. I paused for a moment, remembering to breathe. "So perfect." I could feel his breathing fast and shallow. This was the point of decision. _Control_. The word echoed in my head. _Responsibility_. I lightly kissed the penny once more and followed the chain back up to his neck. _For Edward_. I paused, then forced myself to turn and rest my head on his shoulder, rather than give in to the myriad of erotic ideas my mind was buzzing with.

I filled my lungs and slowly exhaled, proud of myself. "Listen to your breathing," I wondered. Amazingly, control had reasserted itself in my brain. "Do you _really_ want to do this now?" I whispered. I carefully reached up to finger the penny, now cold again on his chest and listened for his reaction.

He still held me tight, but I could tell he was beginning to relax. Edward took a deep, slow breath and I heard a sigh escape his lips. I thought I could hear relief – or was it frustration – in answer to my question. The coolness of his body felt amazing, and helped to slow my heart. Edward's breathing finally began its normal rhythm and he gently cupped his hand around my cheek.

"_Wow_" he whispered. I listened for frustration, but heard none.

"What happened to the virtuous young man who begged me to marry him first?" I managed to ask slyly. Edward's other hand, still against my skin, traced circles on my back as he thought about his answer.

"I honestly don't know," he wondered, shaking his head. "You are so beautiful… so sensual…" his voice drifted away. "That's the most human I've felt in more than eighty years." I propped my face up on my arm to look in his eyes. His expression was one of amazement. "You are incredible."

"You were definitely _acting_ human," I said with a big grin. I kissed him lightly, not wanting to tempt him again. I gently pulled my blouse back over my shoulders, but didn't button it. He took his hand away from my skin and ran his fingers through my hair. His eyes were softening, the flame in them turning to golden embers.

"What happened to the lustful vixen who couldn't even _say_ the word 'marriage'?" He peered into my eyes, a wry smile creasing his lips. He let his eyes drift down toward my chest.

I blushed deeply as he returned his gaze to my eyes. I paused for a moment, letting my heart start again. "I guess I've grown up some. And believe it or not, the idea of being married to you is really starting to grow on me." I hoped he could hear the truth in my voice. "The vixen is still definitely here, though, trust me." I lightly ran one finger down his chest, not stopping until I found his navel and drew a circle around it, eyeing him seductively. His lips parted as he inhaled sharply.

"And yet you stopped." He spoke softly, closing his eyes. "I'm not sure I could have. I'm finding that my human desires are much stronger than I thought."

"Are you sorry?" I felt so many emotions as I asked that a tear formed on my cheek.

Edward slowly opened his eyes. He turned to peer into mine. "No, I'm not." He brushed the tear away as he carefully chose his words. "Today was so perfect. All day I was imagining that you were already my wife and it was so wonderful, so natural. That feeling obviously lingered tonight." He smiled slyly. I listened for regret in his velvet tones, but found none. "And stopping was also the perfect thing, _really_." He unleashed a smile that took my breath away. He then ran his hand down to the pendant on his chest, and lifted it to his lips. "Penny for your thoughts." I could tell he loved his gift.

I sat up next to him so I could look in his eyes properly. "I think we'd better button up before I tell you my thoughts." He chuckled softly and with deliberate slowness buttoned up his shirt, letting me enjoy the view for a few extra seconds. I fumbled with the buttons on my blouse, so he took over with a playful look in his eyes. When he finished, he gave me my favorite crooked smile. He sat up next to me and cupped my face in his hands. His eyes were liquid gold in the sunset.

"Your thoughts when you stopped…" he clarified.

I swam in his eyes for a moment before answering. "Part of my brain was telling me to be responsible and was reminding me that I will be your wife in just a very few days." I saw his eyes dance at the word _wife_. "I was also trying to remember to breathe."

"And the other part of your brain?" He raised one eyebrow.

I leaned in close to his ear and whispered, "Among other things, it was making a long list of other ways I could make _you_ shiver." And I traced the back of his earlobe with my tongue. He could not stifle the spasm that shot down his back. I moved away, giving a little shudder of my own.

His eyes opened slowly and they filled with passion again. For a moment I thought Edward was not going to wait until after the wedding. I knew if we started making love again, I wouldn't stop him. He became perfectly still for a moment, then took another deep breath, and carefully held my face and kissed me softly. "I'm really looking forward to our honeymoon now."

I giggled at the comment, and he also chuckled, relaxing us both. He became serious, "I learned tonight that I _can_ love you without hurting you. You were right." His eyes flamed again.

I kissed his cheek gently, then settled into his lap. He wrapped his arms around me as the sunset faded. "Wedding first, though. I love you so much, Edward." I sighed, contented.


	5. The Wedding

**5. The Wedding**

Time had passed faster than I could imagine. All the planning was over, all the preparation done. For the first time in a long time Edward was not spending the night at my side. Alice had insisted that we continue to follow the old traditions, even to the point of her 'standing guard' in my room this wedding eve. Charlie, of course, had no idea that anyone had ever spent the night in my room…

Edward had agreed to this arrangement, although I did catch more than a hint of reluctance in his eyes as we parted. His final kiss was soft, not betraying the anticipation of the following day. "I'll see you tomorrow," he said softly. He turned to the door. My stomach tightened as he left without looking back.

Alice busied herself with an enormous book in some foreign language, but try as I might, sleep eluded me. My aversion to marriage had disappeared, and now I felt the excitement that most brides must feel. I wished Edward was here to sing me to sleep.

My only goal was that this wedding would make my family and friends, and especially Edward, happy. Alice and I were both confident that this would be the wedding he dreamed of. If he was happy, I would be happy.

I tried to focus on what would follow the wedding, but that did not encourage sleep either. One image haunted my thoughts. Even though the little church in Forks was exactly right, all I could see were the large double doors leading into the sanctuary. In my recent dreams I stood before those doors, unable to open them, knowing Edward was waiting on the other side. Why wouldn't they open? What was my subconscious trying to tell me?

It worried Edward when I had these dreams – though he didn't know the true content of them. I tried to clear my thoughts by concentrating on what Edward must be doing right now. I imagined him at his grand piano, and listened to his music in my mind.

I must have eventually fallen asleep. When I opened my eyes I could see the cloudy gray sky outside my window. Morning did not make me feel any more at ease, though. _It'll be over in a few hours, _I told myself. This is for Edward, it is the responsible thing, it is the right thing to do. _I want to do this_, I reminded myself.

I was so focused on controlling my thoughts and feelings, that I barely noticed Alice's presence as she fed, dressed, and primped me. Too soon she whispered in my ear "it's time." My heart skipped a beat. What was I feeling? Mixed in somewhere with the anxiousness and rebellion I was feeling, there was a wisp of excitement. I tried to cling to that thread as we got ready to leave.

Emmett arrived driving Carlisle's Mercedes. Thankfully, we would not be arriving in Charlie's cruiser, although at one point I would have considered it quite appropriate. Not now, though.

Alice held the train to my vintage dress as I climbed in the back of the car next to my father. On such an emotion-filled occasion Charlie was carefully quiet, trying to avoid anything that might cause tears to flow. "You look beautiful, Bells," he croaked, avoiding my eyes.

In a blur, we were at the church, weaving through an enormous number of cars. The little historic church was small, which meant, thankfully, that the number of guests was severely limited. Only family and 'real' friends were invited, though there seemed to be many more of those than I thought. My breathing became labored as I tried to calm down. People do this every day, right? I can do this.

Charlie helped Alice unload me from the car and escorted me toward the Chapel. We met Angela and Jessica on our way in, wearing matching blue period dresses. Too soon they left me, one by one, into the church. I could hear the organ playing as the doors opened, admitting my attendants.

Fear reached my throat as we approached the double doors leading in, now sealed shut, hiding me from the audience. These doors, so vivid in my nightmares, were the last separation between me and my love. I could never open them in my dreams, probably a reflection of the inadequacy I still sometimes felt, I finally realized.

Now, as I stood there, the doors were thrown open before me and the crowd stood and turned toward me. I stifled a gasp. Charlie gently took my arm and asked "are you ready?" I could hear in his voice that he still secretly wished this weren't happening now, but he edged me forward anyway. My nightmare had never gotten this far. I fought to control the urge to scream at myself to wake up.

I took a deep breath and took a step forward. The organ had ceased, and I could hear the crowd sigh as they saw me, even though I was barely aware of what I looked like. Alice must have done a great job. I was starting to lose my nerve when a wondrous sound floated to me.

Music I had never heard, yet that was familiar was playing. I knew it was one of Edward's compositions, but I'd never heard it before. I looked around, but couldn't see the piano.

I concentrated on the peaceful sound as Charlie took my arm and we began the seemingly endless march to the front of the chapel. The word 'altar' burned in my throat as it brought thoughts of sacrifice. Only a few more steps to go. How had all these people fit in this small room? My nerve was starting to slide away again when I saw him.

Edward was literally glowing as his golden eyes swept over me. He had always been more beautiful than a Greek god, but today, there was nothing to compare him to. He wore a vintage tuxedo, and the black of the jacket set off his marble skin and bronze hair. He was perfect.

I tried to remember to breathe. The depth of his eyes drew me to him – and then, nothing else mattered. Everyone else had disappeared; it was only Edward and me in this place. Suddenly my hands were locked in his, and time stopped.

I knew that the ceremony had started, but I could barely hear the pastor's murmurings nearby. My fear had left me and my mind was completely focused on Edward.

Memories flooded through me, one after the other, at an incredible pace. Had it really been only a year and a half since we first met? …Since he nearly murdered me out of thirst… so much had happened in that short time. I could remember his first touch; the electricity that still sparked between us. So many firsts… so many troubles… so many lows… so many joys. Was this how true love was for everyone?

My focus altered only slightly at the sound of his name.

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, do you take this woman…" The gold in his eyes literally glowed with anticipation. He squeezed my hands. "…to love and to cherish as long as you both shall live?"

His eyes flared as the velvet words left his lips, "I do." The sincerity and love in his voice wrapped itself around me like a blanket. I forced myself to breathe, inhaling another lungful of his enticing scent. Normally the fragrance would knock me over, but for once it actually cleared my thoughts.

My eyes remained locked with his as I heard my name. "Isabella Marie Swan, do you take this man…"

His eyes burned with desire, and yet a hint of doubt floated underneath. Did he _still_ think I could run screaming from him? _No doubt_, I thought, wishing that he could hear my thoughts this one time. I had trouble remembering why I feared this moment for so long. It was so ridiculous. This was where I belonged, here with him in this place.

"...to love and to cherish as long as you both shall live?"

"I do." The words were like the sweetest candy on my lips, surprising me. Edward's reaction was immediate, though only for me. Not since I had accepted his proposal had his eyes burned with this hottest fire. The glow he radiated intensified. I caught my breath as I was nearly blinded by his adoration and euphoria. All doubt he had vanished at my words.

Still unaware of anything but Edward, I felt him reach for my hand, with our eyes still locked. He slid his mother's ring smoothly back onto my finger. "With this ring, I thee wed." The joy in his voice penetrated my whole being. His smile got even wider when he heard my heart's rhythm become erratic.

A ring appeared in my hand, and I found his hand, still with our eyes locked. I don't remember blinking once since our eyes met. "With this ring, I thee wed." As the words left my lips, my heart started to explode. Childish as it seemed, I felt like the Grinch on Christmas – my heart expanded three sizes as our bond became official, permanent, unbreakable.

I had never doubted that we were soul mates, not for a second, but I had no idea that such simple words could make such a difference. Until this moment, marriage was just a word to me, nothing more. Now I knew it was the final linking of our hearts, our souls. We were truly one now. In the depths of my soul I knew that he was mine, forever, no matter what the future brought.

"You may kiss your bride." Edward leaned down, his eyes still smoldering with liquid gold. As I reached up to him, his face changed. It was as if, when he lifted my veil, his was lifted as well. The vampire veil thinned.

His skin was no longer white, but a human peach. His face became the boy - no, the man - that existed before the vampire. His eyes were a vivid emerald green, and a blush colored his cheeks. A small birth mark formed a tiny pink heart on his cheek. I gasped as I tried to study every detail of this angel's face. He reached for me, and his hands were not cold, but warm, bringing the blush to my cheeks.

Our lips touched, and my heart did a somersault as I felt his soft warm lips on mine. How was this possible? I must be hallucinating again. A thought floated through my mind, only briefly, as he pulled me tight. _I must be imagining his soul…_ The gentle kiss engulfed me, and my head began to spin. _Breathe_, I thought.

The kiss ended much too soon, but its effect would last forever. As we separated, I continued to peer into the emerald eyes, and watched as the vampire veil lowered again slowly fading the green into the golden topaz I was used to. Soon I would have to look away – how would I do that?

"That wasn't so bad." I heard Edward whisper as his eyes danced with joy and satisfaction.

"It was wonderful" I whispered back. He struggled to turn his eyes away, toward the crowd. I'd forgotten that they were here. He guided me to the pew where Renee and Phil sat. I came out of my trance and hugged my mother. I looked up and wiped a tear from her cheek.

"I love you, Mom." Renee had not been happy about this wedding because it reminded her of her own young mistake. She was very perceptive, though, and after she'd spent more time with me and Edward, and met the Cullen family, Renee had come around. "Be happy together," she said. I could tell she meant it, as she then turned and hugged Edward. My heart grew warm in my chest. We turned to Charlie…

His eyes were also glistening, and mine soon began to well. "Dad…"

His tears were a mixture of joy and sorrow. "Love you, Bells" was all he could say.

I held him tight. "I love you so much Dad." He squeezed me and then reluctantly let me go, turning to Edward. He took Edward's hand, and after a moment, pulled him into a hug.

"Take care of her, my _son_" he said, just loud enough for me to hear.

Edward's velvet tones held a sincerity that I'd never heard, "Don't worry, I will. Thank you for Bella."

A single tear traced its way down my cheek. _Goodbye,_ I thought as we turned away.

The brilliance in Edward's face was reflected in the faces of his parents. Carlisle and Esme hugged Edward first, and I knew that he heard their unspoken words in his mind. They turned and hugged me together.

Esme whispered, "That was so beautiful," and she dabbed absent tears with a lace handkerchief.

I looked into Carlisle's eyes, "Thank you for giving me Edward. Thank you for saving my husband so long ago." The careful control that was always present in Carlisle's eyes melted and the hint of regret that he always held about changing Edward dissipated before me. He could now stop questioning himself about Edward's creation. He held me a little tighter and kissed my cheek.

As we passed through the doors I had so feared earlier, Edward turned to me, still high with emotion. He reached down and pulled me close, to whisper in my ear. "You are amazing Mrs. Cullen."

I thought the name would shock me, but it was surprisingly comfortable. I replied, "Alice was right. I had no idea that this was what I wanted. I've never loved you more." Our lips met now, his gentle but unrestrained. It wouldn't be long now.


	6. Home

**6. Home**

We rode down the long drive to the Cullen house in silence, holding hands. The wedding had happened so fast that I had to concentrate to remember any of the ceremony. The reception, on the other hand seemed to last forever, and in fact was probably still going.

The dinner was excellent. Alice had ordered so many different courses that I couldn't keep track of them all. And that was just the beginning of what she had in store.

She apparently had a list containing every wedding tradition in existence, and had us down for them all. We danced with each other, with our parents, with nearly everyone in attendance it seemed. Amazingly, I didn't injure myself or anyone else in my attempts at dancing.

Edward and I managed to escape the dance floor before the 'Chicken Dance' started. We had toasts, and cut cake. Eventually I threw the bouquet, which I was happy to see that Angela caught.

When it was Edward's turn with the garter he actually got embarrassed as the male high school contingent started chanting 'teeth'. He quickly reached for the garter on my leg before they got out of hand. The garter ended up in Emmett's hand.

Finally, we made our escape out to his car in a shower of bird seed. Once we'd turn the corner and were out of sight, Edward hit the gas and we left all the cans and shoes tied to our bumper in the street behind us.

We pulled up to the front steps of the house now. As part of our wedding gift the family had all vacated the house for the night, giving us complete privacy. I silently thanked them all as Edward opened my door.

He easily reached in the car and scooped me up in his arms, train and all. Immediately his lips met mine, and he held me tight, kissing me until I felt lightheaded.

As I caught my breath I looked in his eyes. I could see the liquid gold in them sparkle in the moonlight. "I love you, my husband," I breathed.

His eyes turned to gold flame. "I love you, my wife." And he kissed me again.

When he lifted his face from mine this time, I found that we were now on the porch. The door seemed to open on its own, and we floated in. Edward leaned to me again, but instead of kissing my lips, he nuzzled my ear.

As I turned my head to enjoy the sensation, I saw the inside of the house. It was completely dark except for a trail of tea lights that led from the door and up the stairs. At the base of the stairs was a huge bouquet of my favorite flowers. I could see more flowers at the landing and at the top of the stairs.

"Wow" I whispered. Edward climbed the stairs slowly, letting me savor the wonderful fragrance of the flowers. The last bouquet on the third floor was different – at least two dozen red roses. As we passed, I carefully plucked one from the mass of flowers and then used its petals to stroke Edward's face and lips.

The candles continued into what was now our room, and surrounded the bed. Edward set me down on my feet, held my face in his hands and kissed me again, very softly. I looked in his eyes, and tried to remember to breathe. "You know, I could use a hand with all these buttons…" I smiled seductively.

He pulled me close again, pressing his lips to mine deliberately now. His lips then moved to my ear. "You are so beautiful." I shivered as I felt his cool hand on my back, the buttons all undone now.

I now found his ear, tracing it with my tongue. "Mmmm. How about I find something a little more comfortable to slip into?"

"Hurry back." Edward forced himself to step back from me, giving his tie a tug as he did. He quickly slipped his tuxedo jacket off and flipped it into the corner.

"Don't move." I ran a finger down the front of his shirt. He froze, and I gave him a quick kiss before I dashed into the bathroom.

This was one time I was glad that Alice _had_ thought of every detail. I found my lingerie, a simple dark blue satin chemise, hanging in the bathroom next to my brush and a small bottle of perfume. I didn't have to ask to know that Edward would love it.

I quickly changed and let down my hair, pleased to find that my tresses fell in soft curls around my shoulders. I thanked my sister-in-law again, smiling at the title.

Edward was exactly where I left him, of course. As I entered, he couldn't stay still any longer. I could see his eyes flame again as he surveyed my attire and stepped forward, weaving his hands into my hair. He stared deeply into my eyes, causing my heart to skip a beat before restarting at an even faster rate.

"There aren't words to describe how you look." He kissed me again slowly, softly, and I let my hands drift down his shirt, then back up to the top button. I forced myself to unbutton his shirt slowly, enjoying the anticipation of touching the skin of his perfect chest.

Edward began to trace my face with the tip of his nose, his cool breath confusing my thoughts. My heart became erratic as I reached the last button, and I could feel the blush rise as I realized where my hands were. Edward brushed his lips lightly over mine, and I inhaled deeply as I reached into his shirt and slid my hands up to his shoulders, slipping his shirt down around them.

He pulled my face close to his then, his lips working around mine in earnest. My fingers were locked together around his neck now, unable to release him. For the briefest of moments his hands disappeared from my hair, only to reappear at my waist, pulling me close. As his bare arms encircled me I realized that the shirt was gone. The thrill of so much of his skin touching mine made me gasp.

Edward took a deep breath as he moved to my throat. "You smell wonderful." I smiled as he enjoyed the perfume I'd put on every pulse point I could find. I stroked his chest again, pleased to find the penny dangling over his motionless heart.

Smoothly he scooped me up and gently settled me on the bed I'd once called unnecessary. Again he released me for the shortest of moments before he joined me, and I shivered as more of my skin made contact with his when he slowly pulled me close.

As we made love Edward's skin sparkled in the moonlight, a brilliant diamond counterpoint to his blazing golden eyes. Every movement, every touch was slow, controlled, yet electric. Knowing there were no more boundaries between us allowed me to focus my intensity and enjoy the time it took to explore each other's bodies. There would be a time in the future when all restraint would be gone and our passion could race away with us, but not tonight. Not this first time.

We were completely one now, ecstatic as we savored this heaven together. I'd imagined what this night would be like for so long, but I was unprepared for the force of the sensations – and the emotions that accompanied them. As we came back down to earth, a happy tear traced down my cheek. "I love you Bella," he breathed in my ear, and the words enrobed me in a satisfied peacefulness I'd never known.

"I love you too, Edward," I whispered. He sighed contentedly and began to quietly hum my lullaby. I drifted to sleep in the arms of my angel knowing that my dreams could never equal my memories.

* * *

Morning came too soon. I woke with my face still on Edward's shoulder. As my eyes opened, I felt his hand come up and stroke my hair. "Good morning, my love." His voice was warm, comfortable.

"Good morning" I hummed. "How are you this morning?" I smiled as I watched my hand trace his muscular chest.

Edward sighed happily. "I'm fabulous."

"Yes, you are…" I looked up so I could trace his ear with my finger tip and chuckled softly. I gasped as he rolled me over and pressed his body gently against mine in one quick, graceful move.

His eyes were dancing as he pressed his lips to my ear in response, laughing quietly. Luckily Edward only teased a little. I was starting to shiver from his cool body.

He slid over to lie next to me and propped his head on his arm. "You are amazing, my wife."

I couldn't stop smiling. "So are you, my love. Your self control _was_ fabulous. I hope that you enjoyed last night as much as I did." I was pretty sure that I knew what his response would be, but I still wanted to hear it.

"If it was the best experience you've ever had, then yes, I enjoyed it as much as you did." His eyes sparkled as he traced my smile with his finger. "I'm also looking forward to other experiences…"

"When I'm more durable." I smiled wider and took another deep breath. After spending the entire night against Edward's cold body my core temperature had dropped. As much as I wanted to stay in bed and cuddle some more, I knew I needed to warm up in the shower. I also needed to get rid of my morning breath…

"Until then, I need to be human for a bit." I stroked his chest one more time, catching the penny that hung around his neck and kissing it.

He brushed my cheek lightly and smiled, "Be my guest."

After a hot shower I got dressed and thought about today's plans. We were leaving for Alaska today; leaving for a long time. I tried not to think of my human family as I slowly finished packing my suitcase. _Focus on the future_, I told myself.

Just then I felt a cool hand on my now warm back. "Are you hungry?" His voice was soft. I tried to push the sadness from my mind as I now realized that food sounded really good.

"Yes, I am." I turned to face my husband, and smiled, not quite genuinely.

His eyes creased for a moment, and then Edward reached in his half open shirt for his pendant. He pressed it to his lips "What were you thinking?"

I paused, then looked into his clear eyes. "I was trying _not_ to think about what we are leaving behind. I felt sad until I thought about our future together." I imagined seeing his face every morning for the rest of eternity, and my smile grew wide and sincere.

"Thank you. I love you." He kissed my forehead. We walked down to the rarely used kitchen where I found my favorite breakfast, pancakes and bacon waiting, hot and inviting.

"You've become quite the cook, haven't you?" I sat down in front of my plate and began to eat hungrily. Edward just smiled. He wouldn't be cooking for me much longer.

* * *

In no time we'd packed and raced to the airport. I tried to ignore how fast we were going, thinking I would be driving this fast soon.

The flight was uneventful to Juneau. As we approached the airport, I enjoyed the landscape from the plane's window. It was forested, like Forks, but with big swaths of ice and snow dividing the green trees.

We landed and took a cab, not to our house, but to the local Jeep dealer in town. Edward had called ahead from the airport, letting them know we would be picking up the vehicle he'd ordered ahead. As we pulled in, I was afraid that we would drive home in a monster like Emmett's Jeep, but relaxed when the dealer showed us to a silver Cherokee.

After a quick stop at the market, we drove north out of town on roads that got smaller and smaller with each mile. Suddenly the trees broke open and revealed a small meadow. I could just spy the house in the trees at the edge of the clearing.

We parked in the three car garage, and I got out and headed to the front door. Before I could open it, I was swept off my feet and into Edward's arms again.

"Just one more tradition, if you don't mind." His eyes sparkled as he opened the door and slowly carried my over the threshold. "Welcome home, Bella." We kissed once, then he let me down with a smile. I could now explore.

While this house was small by Cullen standards, it was still three times as big as Charlie's small abode. There were four bedrooms, three with adjoining baths. The fourth was the huge master suite, with a fireplace and sitting area.

The entire Cullen family would not have been comfortable here, but it was more than enough space for the two of us and guests. Edward brought in our things, and we unpacked.

As I relaxed on the large couch in the living room, Edward joined me, lighting the gas fireplace there on his way. He wrapped his arm around me and I shifted to relax on his chest.

"This is quite a house. How long do we get to stay here?" I assumed he rented the house long enough for me to become a vampire and gain enough control to join the real world.

"As long as you want. The house is ours." My ears perked up at his tone. I sat up next to him.

"What does that mean?" I watched his face carefully.

"I bought this house for us. Even though we'll probably spend most of our time with the family, I thought it would be nice to have a get-away spot; a vacation home, if you will." I still wasn't used to the way the Cullens could spend thousands of dollars without a second thought.

Edward studied my expression and then frowned at me. "Do you not like the house?"

I composed myself. "Of course I like it. I'm just stunned at how easy it is for you to spend money. Sometime you'll have to show me your financial statement."

"Everything that is mine is yours, now. I'd be happy to show you." He started to rise, but I put my hand on his chest and shook my head.

"Not now. It's not that important." I settled back in his arms. "This is much more important to me." I kissed his cheek and we watched the fire until I fell asleep.


	7. Rebirth

**7. Rebirth**

It had been a week since the wedding, and Edward and I had been enjoying our honeymoon alone. My birthday was now approaching, and it was time for the next milestone in my life. Time to become a vampire.

I awoke on this important day not knowing the time. As was convention in Alaska, all the windows of the bedroom were covered in heavy black plastic to block out the sun that shone till nearly midnight in the summer. I didn't move, enjoying for one last moment the ability to sleep. One thing to lose, so much more to gain, I thought. My future was waiting, time to meet it.

I felt a cool kiss on the back of my neck. Edward knew the moment I opened my eyes, I was sure. "Good morning, my wife."

I rolled over to lay my head on his chest. "Good morning, my husband." I smiled and he held me close. "What time is it?"

"Eight o'clock," I could hear the tightness in his voice, the anticipation of what today would bring.

I wasn't ready to think about that yet. "So did I provide you any entertainment last night?" I couldn't remember dreaming, but that didn't usually stop me from talking in my sleep. _No more of that, either_, I thought, relieved.

"Before or after you went to sleep?" He smugly traced a cool finger down my neck, baring my shoulder as he went. I gave the chain around his neck a playful tug, since pinching him was out of the question. He smirked. "Yes, to both." He kissed the top of my head.

"So how bad was it?"

"You were surprisingly calm last night. You said my name several times and that you loved me. Nothing new, but enjoyable just the same." He stroked my hair, remembering. "Did you have any dreams?"

"None that I remember." Edward turned on his side so he could look in my eyes, questioning me. "Really, no nightmares. I feel great." My voice wavered on the last word as I let today's task creep into my mind. Edward raised a skeptical eyebrow and fingered his penny expectantly. "Okay, I'm nervous, but that is all." I stared deep into his dark topaz eyes, hoping he could see the truth in them. He smiled crookedly.

"Today is yours. Your wish is my command." A serious shadow was behind his smile now. I moved up to his cold lips and kissed him, slowly, savoring one last taste. "Bella, are you sure you're ready?" I was afraid to see the sadness in his eyes, but was relieved that all I could see was honest concern. He had finally accepted that this was what was meant to be, for both of us.

"Yes, I really am. And I realized, that even though I've wanted this for so long, I wasn't really ready until now. All that we've been through has had a purpose. Finding you taught me to love. The words 'I love you forever' came easily, but the full meaning didn't really take hold. Losing you taught me how strong my love for you is, even though I didn't think I deserved it."

Edward tried to look away, but I touched his cheek, and held his eyes with my own. "Finding you again taught me that I _was_ worthy of loving you." I took a breath. "Even my love for Jacob taught me about my capacity to love."

"And that love carries a cost with every choice?" sadness darkened Edward's face.

"A cost, yes, but there was never a choice." I looked in his eyes with conviction. "Marrying you taught me the true meaning of forever, whether immortal or not, and that this is no longer my love for you, it is _our_ love. The words 'I love you forever' still come easily, but now I truly feel their meaning in my soul, and that will never change. I'm ready to make a new forever, with you, in love." I tried to read his eyes as they flashed through several emotions, ending on the deep smolder of passion that took my breath away.

Edward kissed me again, slowly, softly. I looked into his eyes and could see that he was struggling with his thoughts. I ran my fingers through his hair, waiting patiently. "I thought that I had learned so much in the century before I met you. It was nothing…" His voice faded. I saw a new truth in his eyes as he murmured, "I'm ready, too."

We held each other close for a few more minutes, enjoying the differences in our body temperatures. How many more lasts were there to be this morning?

"Time to get dressed." I did not look at him again as I rose. I headed to the bathroom, realizing that my morning ritual would be much shorter from now on. My outfit I had chosen carefully the night before: my favorite, most comfortable lace blouse and cutoff shorts. I had to smile at how I looked in the mirror – I was dressed for desert heat, not Alaskan snow.

Next I brushed my hair, comforted by the fact that this one simple thing would not change. I quickly braided it, to keep it out of the way, not looking too long at my neck. One more deep breath, and I looked at my human reflection one last time, closely examining my brown eyes.

Edward was waiting for me outside the bathroom, wearing only faded jeans. My heart flip-flopped at the unexpected sight of his statuesque body. He reached for me, and I ran my hands over his bare chest, touching the penny briefly. "Going casual today, or just trying to distract me?" I managed a smile as I looked at him.

"Mmmm, both I think." He kissed me gently. "I thought you might want something cool against your skin." He smiled weakly.

"Did Carlisle get here last night?"

"Yes, after you went to sleep." He paused. "Esme also came with him. She would like to be here, if it is okay with us. If not, she will not be hurt if we ask her to leave." I focused on his chin while I considered the idea. "She is out right now, though, and won't return until after we start," he added. Of course, skipping the part involving blood.

"Would you like her to stay? I don't think it would bother me, but I can't read her mind." Would her thoughts make it harder for Edward?

"Her thoughts are actually centered on me right now. I think she is here more to help me." Edward stroked my cheek, raising a blush, also enjoying another last. "Let's ask her to stay. Carlisle would like that too." He kissed me gently again. "You know, when we're through this I'll _really_ be able to kiss you." His eyes sparkled.

My smile was more genuine this time. "Well, in that case, let's get this show on the road." The smile faded fast as I turned to the door. There was no avoiding the fear of the impending pain.

Carlisle was in the single arm chair, reading. "Good morning, Bella." His smile was friendly but also serious. He looked at Edward.

"We would be happy for Esme to join us." Edward answered Carlisle's thought.

"Where is she now?" I asked. I knew it wasn't far.

"She went into town to window shop the antique stores. I'll call her when it is appropriate." Carlisle set his book aside.

I looked around one more time, halfway considered having breakfast, but realized that I was just procrastinating. I turned to Edward. "It's time," I whispered. He kissed me again and we sat on the couch. Carlisle came to sit on my other side, and I leaned against him so I could put my feet in Edward's lap.

We had been through all the details already. Edward would bite my ankles first, my wrists, then my throat. I knew that the bites would hurt, but that they were nothing compared to what was coming. "Make it quick, please." I relaxed my body and closed my eyes.

Edward leaned over and kissed me one more time on the lips. "I love you so much." He was being strong for me, but I could hear the sadness in his voice. "One vampire, coming up." I couldn't stifle the smirk, but it became a gasp as I felt his sharp teeth in one ankle, then the other. Before I could flinch, my wrists now stung with pain. Edward paused, gathering himself for the last bite. I knew this was the hardest one of all, considering how inviting my blood was to him.

"I love you more than you know." I was proud that I got the words out without screaming since the fire was already starting to burn my feet. I locked my jaw shut and lifted my chin. I first felt his lips on my throat, just for a moment, then the pain of his teeth. I tried to focus on his pain, having to taste my blood, his favorite brand of heroin, as he had once said, and having to control his thirst for it. "I love you." I didn't know if the words came from me or him, because at that moment the fire took over.

The fire I felt first in my limbs was the same feeling as what I experienced in Phoenix so long ago. My hands and feet were burning, but before I could scream out, my chest and head exploded in blistering heat like nothing I had ever felt. Suddenly, my mind shutdown, consumed by the pain.

All I could see, all I could hear, all I could feel was liquid fire in every cell in my body, burning hotter and hotter. I couldn't tell if I was writhing or screaming or crying. It was as if the pain drew my mind out of the top of my head, leaving my body behind to disappear in the flames. And the pain didn't stop.

There was no sense of time. The fire was everywhere, constant. It burned away everything, even my identity. I didn't know anything but pain, but when I tried to fight it, the pain grew even more intense. Somewhere, in some tiny place in the fire, I knew that I had to let it burn.

* * *

I was sure that the fire would burn forever…

* * *

I couldn't tell if a second or a year had passed, but I could finally hear something besides the searing of my flesh. In the midst of the crackling flames I could barely make out a sound. It tried to wake up another part of my mind. The fire seemed to die down just a tiny bit.

It was… music. I forced my mind to locate and concentrate on the sound. It was so soft, so quiet. I knew this sound, but from where? Somewhere, in the depth of my charred soul, I knew this sound would save me. The fire dimmed another miniscule bit. The sound was coming from a firgure nearby – it was humming. In the flames I could see a dim outline of a person. I focused on the shadowy shape, not knowing who or what they were.

As the sound grew louder, the flames dimmed again. It was like someone was very slowly turning down the gas burner on a stove. The pain in my eyes began to fade slightly. The figure was getting closer. It was an angel. I reached out with my hand, surprised that it wasn't a blackened stump, and that it didn't feel the burning anymore.

The enchanting sound was growing louder; it must be what was putting out the fire. The angel leaned down to me, and I touched his face. His cheek was only slightly cool and very smooth, and his lips were turned up in a smile. The flames were low enough now that I could see his bronze hair and bare chest. Did I know the angel? My other hand came up to the angel's face, and I remembered that I had existed before the fire. _Edward_.

The humming continued, and the angel put his head on my chest, but it wasn't cold like I was expecting. The flames were almost gone now, and I could feel something other than pain – I could feel the angel's humming on my chest. I heard something else now, a whispering.

"Your heart is so slow, Bella, it is almost over." _Bella_. I realized that was my name. The angel's voice quenched more of the fire.

"Edward." My mouth moved, did sound come out?

The fire was now out, but the pain was still fading. My eyes are closed, I realized. Will the angel be there when I opened them? "I love you Bella" the angel whispered. How could he do that and hum at the same time? The pain was just in my head and chest now, so I tried to open my eyes.

The humming faded now, as my eyes tried to focus. The face was there – my angel. "Edward. Is that you?" I whispered.

"Yes, Bella. It is finished, love." I could hear relief in his voice, and happiness. He stroked my cheek, and bent to kiss me. His lips were not cold any more, and his kiss was firmer than I remembered, erasing all the rest of the pain from my body.

I remembered more now, and eagerly wove my fingers in his hair. There was no hesitation in Edward's lips now. His mouth opened gently, and our tongues touched for the first time. I gasped at the jolt of electricity that passed between us, then pulled his lips tightly to mine. There was no need to protect me from his teeth or venom now.

Time stopped again while we kissed; both of us shivering as we explored this wonderful new sensation. The kiss ended with a gentle peck as Edward pulled back, with effort, I noticed.

"Wow – I told you that you would be strong." He smiled. It was like I was waking from a coma; my human past seemed so far away. "I love you, Bella."

"I love you Edward."

I sat up and looked around. I was in bed again. Edward was lying with me, holding my hand. I could hear voices, but there was no one else in the room. I took a deep breath, and shook my head to clear it. I still must be dreaming, there must be more pain coming. "Is it really over?"

"Yes, really. How do you feel?" Edward was concerned. I looked at him and heard his voice making a quick analysis of how I looked, but somehow his lips weren't moving. I stared at his face, trying to understand. _Bella must be confused_. I heard the words clearly in my head.

"I'm not confused, much. I'm just getting my bearings." I frowned at him. _His_ face was confused now. I heard more whispering again, and then _How__ did she hear that? I love her frown_.

"Okay, did you take up ventriloquism while I was out of commission? Or am I still dreaming?" I was starting to get irritated. His eyes changed to a humorous understanding. _Oh no, she thinks she's dreaming_. I heard Edward's chuckle in my head. "It's not funny, where are Carlisle and Esme?" Had they left?

_You can read my mind_. The words in my head were not making sense. Who was whispering? "Carlisle and Esme are in the other room. Would you like to go see them?" Edward spoke this time. The whispering became clearer. Esme's voice said, _They__ are talking, it sounds calm_. Carlisle's voice was pensive, _Could her unique mind have caused this?_

"I can hear them talking, but it sounds like it is inside my head. I'm really confused." Frustration crept into my voice.

_You are hearing their thoughts, Bella_. "What? How can that be?" _You apparently have a talent like mine_. Edward smiled. I didn't know what to say. I looked down and saw that my shirt was bloody. "Was this from your bite?" _Yes. Would you like to change?_ "Good idea." I let go of Edward's hand and slid to the edge of the bed. Then I looked at him and froze.

The voices in my head had stopped. Maybe I am dreaming… I peered at him. "I must be crazy, but I thought I could hear your thoughts a minute ago."

Edward stopped short. He stared at me, then said, "you can't hear them now?" I shook my head. "Esme's? Carlisle's?" The confusion was returning to his voice.

"No, I must _have_ been dreaming. Hey, can you read mine?" I looked at his chest and the penny still hanging there. He looked as beautiful as ever. I was sure that the pendant hadn't left his neck since the day I gave it to him. I returned to his eyes.

"No, still nothing. I didn't really expect that to change." Edward said wistfully. He looked at me again, concentrating. "Nothing for you, hmmm?"

"No, it must have just been a hallucination. I am prone to those, you know." He rolled his eyes and touched my cheek. I jumped when I heard _My__ silly Bella_. I could also hear the whispering in the background again. My hand flew to his, holding it against my cheek. It wasn't cold anymore; it was exactly the same temperature as my face. My eyes squinted as I stared at him and thought, _Can you hear me now?_ Understanding filled Edward's face.

_You can hear me when we touch_. "But you still can't hear me, I guess," I sighed. _Interesting_. I released his hand, and he finished stroking my cheek. "Do you miss the blush?" I guessed.

"Yes, but there are so many other benefits." He touched my hand and I could feel his memory of our kiss, just a moment ago. I shivered.

"I don't just hear your thoughts; I can hear other voices whispering in the background. At one point I did hear Carlisle and Esme. Is that what you hear all the time?" _Yes. I try and ignore them most of the time, but they become clear when I concentrate_.

I though of Carlisle and he came into focus again. _I wasn't expecting her experience to be like anyone else's but that was surprising._

Edward quickly took his hand from my mine and the voices disappeared again. I looked at him, worried now. "What happened? Was I that terrible?" What had I done?

"No, just the opposite. I just wasn't sure if you were ready to see what happened yet. Why don't you change, and we'll go see Carlisle and Esme. Then I'll even let you read my memories, if you want." Edward looked serious, but happy.

"Really?" He nodded and crossed his silent heart with a sarcastic smile. "Okay." I went and found a clean shirt and jeans. I hear him rummaging for a shirt as well – for the first time. I'd never heard him do pretty much anything, he was so quiet. _I'm a vampire now_. The concept was just starting to sink in. I changed quickly and headed to the bathroom.

I jumped as I looked at my reflection in the mirror. What surprised me was how little I'd changed. My skin looked a little paler, and of course my irises were bright red. I had expected my hair to be a complete mess, but it looked like I had just put it up.

I wasn't the supermodel I'd secretly hoped for. _Oh, well_, I thought, frowning. I looked at my hands and arms, and at first glance they were the same. There seemed to be a little more definition to the muscles in my arm as I made a fist. Smiling widely, I admired my now perfect teeth in the mirror as I took my hair down.

I heard Edward's steps as he appeared behind me. He put his hands on my shoulders as he looked at my reflection in the mirror. "You look as beautiful as ever." He smiled my favorite crooked smile.

"I guess I was so pale before that there isn't much of a change."

"Actually, you still have some of the color from before. As you absorb the rest of your blood, you will turn paler. Everything else is pretty much the same though. Let's go see Mom and Dad."

My mom and dad, now. "Cool."

We opened the door, and Esme came and hugged me. "How are you Bella?"

"I feel great, actually. Thanks for being here with me." I gave her another squeeze. "I would like to hear what happened, I don't remember that much. I can't tell you how long it took."

"Why don't you sit down?" Carlisle offered.

"Before we start, I think that you should be aware that Bella is already showing some interesting talent," Edward said, and I could detect pride in his voice.

Carlisle's eyebrows rose, "Really?"

"Apparently she hears the same things in her mind as I do when we touch. Bella, what happens when you touch Esme?" They turned to me curiously.

Edward and I sat down on the couch next to Esme, and she wrapped one arm around me and put her other hand in mine. I looked up into her smile and couldn't help but smile back. "I can't hear your thoughts. I can just feel how much you love me. I could do that before." I smiled warmly and squeezed her hand.

"Well, _that's_ really interesting." Edward's eyes were wide with surprise. We all stared at him. "When you hold Esme's hand, I can't hear her thoughts, either."

I was confused for a moment. I looked at Carlisle, and his eyes were wide, too. "This is very interesting Bella," he whispered. He changed gears then, and I could see him filing those thoughts away for later as his face relaxed. "I would imagine that you must have more questions now?"

"Of course," I smiled. I felt alive, like never before. "First of all, what day and time is it?" Carlisle looked at Edward again, and I realized I didn't have to put up with the secrecy anymore. I grabbed Edward's hand. _You didn't tell her anything yet?_ I looked Carlisle in the eye. "No, he didn't. Can we just talk about this? Was I that bad?" _Sorry_. The word came from everyone's mind, and Carlisle's lips. Edward glanced at Carlisle briefly, then turned to gaze into my eyes.

"It is still Saturday. It took you only ten hours and thirty eight minutes to complete the transformation. We've never seen anything like it." Edward's voice couldn't hide his surprise. I watched myself in his mind. I felt the warmth of my blood in his mouth when he bit my throat, the taste, and the struggle to take his mouth from my throat. In his memory we watched my face, tight and frozen. "I love you" I heard myself say, through locked lips. Then I saw myself curl up into a ball, rocking gently.

"You never screamed or writhed, or even moved. You sat there, all curled up, for hours, just rocking. I held you, we all talked to you, touched you, but you didn't react at all." I let go of Edward's hand in shock, but he picked it back up. I saw myself in Edward's lap, rocking while he stroked my hair, my face, my back.

Then Carlisle was there, talking softly in my ear. Esme appeared, and stroked my cheeks. All the while Edward held me in the memory. I could feel he was tense, waiting for the screaming.

Edward continued speaking, "Then I started humming your lullaby about an hour ago. As soon as you heard it, you started to relax, very slowly."

I heard the music in his mind and saw myself start to unfold from the ball in slow motion. In the memory Carlisle said, shocked "I've never seen anything like this before." Edward said, "I'm going to put her on the bed." He continued to hum. Edward picked me up and my hands wrapped themselves around his neck, one at a time. He felt calm.

"I kept humming and you relaxed even more. I could hear your heart slowing, so I put my head on your chest to listen to the last beats." His eyes were warm. "I kept humming, and as the last beat faded away you said my name and opened your eyes." I let go of his hand so that his thoughts wouldn't confuse mine even more that they already were.

"Only ten hours? I thought it was supposed to take days…" My voice faded out.

"We knew you would be different," Carlisle looked impressed.

Esme gave me a squeeze; she still had her arm around me. "Can you tell us what you remember?"

I tried to clear my thoughts again, and to concentrate. "I remember Edward biting me." I saw Edward stiffen next to me. I looked at him apologetically. "I seem to remember that you lingered a little longer on my neck." I gave him a smile and a wink, and was glad when he smiled back. "I think I tried to say something, but then the fire overcame me. All my senses were fire." I paused, struggling for words. "It was like a shell was being burned away. My mind was separated from my body. And it hurt like hell, but you know what that feels like.

"I couldn't hear you or feel you, nothing. I tried to fight the pain once, but it got worse, so I tried to let it run its course. Then I heard a sound coming from a figure in the flames. I was sure it was an angel. It ended up being you, humming, of course," I looked in Edward's eyes again and squeezed his leg.

"The more I concentrated on the humming, the lower the fire went until it was gone, but the pain still lingered. The angel put his head on my chest, and said my name and that it was almost over. I opened my eyes and you kissed me. Then the pain was gone."

No one spoke. I was tempted to hold Edward's hand again to hear what they all were thinking, but didn't. I examined my own hands instead, playing with my wedding ring. I realized that the scar of that first bite on my hand was gone. "So, I'm curious about what you make of my abilities so far."

Carlisle looked up. "You are one mystery after another, Bella. The fact that you can still block other mentally talented vampires is not so surprising. But I've never heard of anyone being able to tap into another's gift. I'd like to try another experiment, if you don't mind."

"Sure"

"Edward, right now you can't read Esme, correct." Esme's hand was on my bare arm and Edward shook his head. Carlisle took Esme's other hand and turned to Edward. Edward's nodded, he could still read Carlisle.

Then Carlisle touched my hand.

"Now I can't hear anyone. And if my talent doesn't work when you're touching her…"

"Then neither will Aro's, or Jane's for that matter, I'd wager." Carlisle finished.

Finally I could protect the ones I loved, rather than have to watch from the sidelines. "There's one more thing I'm curious about," Edward said, looking at me again. "Esme, see if you hear anything." He took my hand. As he did, I heard his phone vibrate. It was much louder than I remembered. _Not now_ Edward's thoughts grumbled. "Yes?" He listened then looked at me. _Would it be okay if Alice and Jasper come see you?_

"Of course." I turned. "Alice and Jasper are coming." I said. Edward smiled again. I released his hand.

"Esme could you hear any of my thoughts?"

"No, nothing."

"No wonder Aro was so interested in you, Bella. That is quite a unique gift." Carlisle wondered.


	8. Learning Curve

**8. Learning Curve**

"What would you like to do now?" Edward was relaxed and happy. I shrugged. "Would you like to take a walk?" His eyes flickered.

"That sounds great." I got up, slipped on some shoes and grabbed my jacket.

"I don't think you'll need that." Edward smiled. He grabbed me around the waist and kissed me deeply. "I've waited so long to do this." He kissed me again, and I realized that he still had the same wonderful taste. It wasn't as strong, but it was still there.

"Do I smell or taste the same to you?" I asked, as soon as I caught my breath.

"Yes and no. The flavor is still there, but not as intense. The smell is also milder, and the blood lust is gone. Still lavender and freesia…" He signed with relief. He wound my hair behind my ear and kissed my neck without an ounce of hesitation. "Let's go stretch our legs." He had a devilish smile on his face.

We headed out the back door arm in arm. He was right; I wasn't cold at all in the Alaskan evening. The sun was low in the sky but still bright enough for me to see Edward sparkling. He seemed much clearer and more brilliant than before. I held out my hands and watched them sparkle, too. I twirled for Edward. "What do you think?"

"Lovely." As he admired me, I realized that I wasn't getting dizzy, like I normally would.

I looked out at the landscape. Where before it was beautiful, it was now stunning. I could see details miles away – a goat on the mountain, a hawk hovering above the trees. "I feel like Dorothy walking out of black and white and into color." Edward smiled and took my hand. We walked to the edge of the nearby meadow. _Want to go for a run?_ His eyes twinkled with excitement. I was nervous at first, I didn't know if a clumsy human would become a clumsy vampire.

"Why not?" My voice was uncertain. _Ready, set, go!_

Edward dropped my hand and took off running. He wasn't the blur he usually was when he ran. I put my head down and ran after him. The wind in my hair was exhilarating. I was expecting to end up sprawled out on the ground after just a few steps, but was pleasantly surprised.

I remembered running with Edward before, on his back, but this was even better, better than anything human. He led me into the forest, jumping over logs and ducking under branches as we went. I followed him, step for step, with no hesitation. How could I have been such a klutz before? He went even faster, and I laughed out loud as I pushed myself to keep up. He had led us back to the clearing again, and as he broke through the trees I stopped short, a wicked idea coming to mind.

Edward had slowed to a stop in the middle of the clearing, and turned. "Bella…" His voice faded as he looked all around. I could see concern rising in his face, so I quietly picked up a rock. I aimed for a tree across the meadow that I couldn't have hit with a cannon before and threw it as hard as I could. His head whipped around as a branch on the tree crashed to the ground.

I stifled a laugh as I saw him turn again, more playful now than concerned. "Bella…" I threw another rock at the other side of the meadow and he started squinting at the trees, looking for the slightest detail that would show him my whereabouts. When he had his back to me I ran toward him. He swiftly turned to face me as I jumped. Edward barely had time to catch me around the waist as we tumbled in the tall grass, laughing. He rolled on top of me, not having to be careful any more and kissed me again. "See, much more durable." He squinted at me, "And much more devious…"

"Wow, that was great. I can't believe I didn't fall or trip or stumble. What a rush. How far did we run?"

"Your reflexes have been fine-tuned with the rest of you, so no more clumsiness." Edward wiped his forehead with mock relief. "I'd guess we ran about three miles."

"In just a few minutes? I have so much to learn."

"Yes, and that includes control. You realize that if you had tackled a human like that you would have crushed them to death." I caught my breath at that. "But we have time for you to learn, so don't worry." Edward's eyes turned thoughtful again. "You'll also have to learn to hunt." He paused and turned serious. "Do you feel the thirst yet?"

Edward ran his finger down my throat and I saw his memory of biting me there again. I could feel how he struggled, tasting my incredibly sweet blood, but resisting the urge to swallow… How his throat burned, begging for relief.

Edward lifted his finger from my skin. I searched my feelings, but I couldn't feel the burn in my own throat; it just felt dry. _Yet_, I reminded myself. "No, not yet. The burn in your throat was strong, though, and your restraint was impressive. I'm glad you got one more taste." I smiled and kissed him again. Mixed in with his thoughts about me in the kiss was Alice's voice, getting clearer. _Edward_ she called with her mind. We laughed again, waiting for her to arrive.

_Can you hear them coming?_ Edward kissed my forehead as I listened closely, wondering at how much I had missed as a human. I could hear animals all around us, plants moving in the breeze, and the faint sound of footsteps. I could tell by the rhythm that two people were coming, and coming fast. Edward kept his face against mine.

_Just listen to them come, and when you hear them jump, just react, don't think_. I continued to concentrate on the sound, trying not to plan anything. I could hear Jasper's thoughts, too. _There is no way she is out here, she'd be frozen_. Edward smiled – Jasper didn't believe I was a vampire.

I could hear Alice now, her steps were closer. _Over here_. She must have been waving to Jasper over the tall grass. They flanked us now. Two more steps and I heard them jump.

I let go of Edward and he jumped off of me. I put my hands out in front of me. As Alice landed on me I caught her wrists. Her momentum helped me to roll on top of her and pin her to the ground. Since I hadn't planned on the move, she was caught by surprise.

Her eyes twinkled, "Hi Sis, miss me?" She squirmed a little, but I had no trouble holding her down. I looked at Edward who had Jasper in some kind of arm lock. Edward was smiling, but Jasper was in shock, staring at me on top of Alice.

"I sure did," I laughed. "What did _you_ do today?"

She laughed, too. "Let me up and I'll tell you. I think Edward is enjoying this a little too much." I shot Edward a glance and he was laughing as he let Jasper go.

"Someone finally pinned you, Alice. Who won the bet?" he said.

"I did, of course," Alice smiled, as I let her get up. "So Jasper and I were hunting up in Denali when I saw you two wrestling. We decided to come play, too. How are you, Bella?" Her voice was curious.

"I'm great, Alice. I'm so glad you're here." I turned to Jasper. "Both of you." Jasper was still working on composing himself.

"Bella, I can't believe it. I've seen so many change… 24 hours _minimum_… and so thirsty after…" Jasper was mumbling, almost incoherent.

Alice punched him in the arm. "We knew Bella was special. Get over it."

Jasper looked at her and finally seemed more himself. "You look great, Bella."

I stood in front of him and took his hand. Suddenly I could feel his confusion like it was my own. I focused hard on my own feelings. "I know my presence has always been hard for you, fighting your own urges as well as everyone else's. I hope that now you can be comfortable with me and that I can get to know you better." I looked in his eyes, which were bright and butterscotch. "I really want to thank you for inviting me to be a part of your family."

I could feel my gratitude melt away his confusion. He wrapped his arm around me and held me close. It was like we were sharing the same feeling of warm happiness. "It was my pleasure. I've always liked you Bella, but it is nice to finally be able to hug you. Welcome to the family." He bent down and kissed the top of my head.

Edward and Alice both looked warm and happy, too. Alice chirped, "So I hear that Bella is a mind reader now, too." Jasper raised his eyebrow at me.

"Not really, we just share." Edward stroked my hair and as his hand brushed my neck I caught _Mmmmm_ run through his mind.

As I let go of Jasper, the link we had seemed to dissolve, and something clicked in my mind. I now took Alice's hand. "I was wondering, what is Edward is going to get me for my birthday?" She looked at me curiously, and shook her head.

"No way," she smirked.

I turned to Edward, waiting for his reaction. He quickly put his hands in his pockets with a sly smile. I concentrated on his eyes and watched them widen as I felt my face relax, just like I'd seen Alice's do so many times. My vision blurred for a moment and I now saw Edward in a gray blazer and ivory turtle neck standing next to a topaz colored car. I could just make out the silver letters on the car's gas cap. A man in a black suit handed him a set of keys. Then the vision faded.

"You couldn't resist the TT, could you?" Edward's mouth fell open. I turned to Alice, and she had the exact same expression of shock on her face. Jasper just shook his head in amazement. I laughed, "Are you sure you two aren't really twins separated at birth?" They looked at each other and then chuckled too, but turned serious again quickly.

"Wow, Bella, how did you do that?" Alice was clearly awed. I held her hand up and looked at Edward meaningfully before dropping it.

"It was just a hunch," I said. I tried to sound casual, but I could hear the excitement behind the words.

It took Edward a moment to recover. "Bella's talent is apparently to _share_ – in the general sense. She shares her ability to block my mind-reading with anyone she touches, and it seems that person shares their talent with her." Edward was impressed as was Alice. Jasper was peering at me for a moment, then he realized that I had tapped into his talent to ease his confusion earlier… "Ahhhh, and you did it to me, too" he said. He shook his head again.

Alice looked at Edward as she said, "Carlisle knows about this, right?"

"Yes, though we didn't know she could absorb anyone's talent. We thought it was just mine." Edward was still trying to grasp the possibilities.

"But I have a lot to learn, about so many things. I'm glad you're here, Alice." I ruffled her spiky hair.

"At least I'm not the only freak now." Alice hugged me.

We sat together in the meadow and played with my new talent, each of them taking turns while I used their talents on each other. At one point, with all three of them touching me at the same time, I saw a vision of Edward and me, all dressed in black, walking in a place I recognized with a jolt of fear. I could feel that we were perfectly happy in the vision. Future Edward turned to me, and I could see his eyes were dark. He smiled widely and said, "Let's go eat." In shock I jumped away from the group, breaking contact with all of them.

Edward was by my side immediately. "What did you see?" I looked at Alice, hoping that she'd seen what I had. Her eyes grew tight and she shook her head.

"I didn't see it. What did you see Bella?"

My breaths were coming fast. "I saw me and Edward, dressed in black, walking next to the fountain in Volterra."

Alice immediately started searching the future by herself. I turned to Edward, my voice unsteady, "Your eyes were black and you said 'Let's go eat.'" I couldn't hide the horror in my voice. Eating in Volterra only meant one thing – and it didn't include animals. I tried to control my breathing. If I'd been human I would have been hysterical by now.

Jasper looked at me. "Did you see anyone else?"

I found my voice. "No. But I could feel that we were happy, almost excited being there." The thought upset me. I couldn't imagine anything that would make me happy in that place.

Edward held me close. "We were just walking?" I nodded. He relaxed a little. "Try not to worry. It doesn't mean anything, yet." I could hear the concern in the last word. He was careful not to touch my skin, hiding his thoughts from me. "Alice, we'd better tell Carlisle about this."

She nodded, and Jasper stood with her and headed back to the house. Edward did not move to join them.

"Please try not to worry, Bella." Edward looked in my eyes, pleading. "I've learned the hard way that patience is best with Alice's visions, so we have to wait until more becomes clear." He stroked my cheek, then bent down to kiss me. He couldn't dazzle me anymore, but he could still distract me easily. He pulled me tight and rolled back to lie in the grass. "Look at the stars."

The sun had gone down, and even though the night was only a navy blue, I could see millions of stars with my new eyesight.

"It's lovely," I said, trying to relax. Edward held me tight as we lay there, silently staring at the heavens. He eventually began nuzzling my ear, filling my head with his thoughts of love. I was impressed with the control he had of his mind. I wished I could share _that_.


	9. Senses

**9. Senses**

As dawn broke, I was calm. Edward was right, there wasn't enough information to worry, or even plan at this point. Alice and Jasper had not returned, and we had spent all night outside. Edward had done a very good job distracting me, and I felt good again. I didn't sleep, of course, and at first I felt guilty for staying up all night. I had to remind myself that this would be the norm from now on. I noticed my throat was dryer today than yesterday.

Edward stroked my cheek. _Did you have a good night?_

"I had a wonderful night." I kissed him, and then sat up. The grass was tall enough around us that I couldn't see above it. I stretched my arms out of habit; I didn't feel stiff even though I hadn't hardly moved all night.

Edward sat up as well. He reached for my hand, but I moved it away. He looked concerned. "While I really enjoy hearing your thoughts, I miss the sound of your voice. I've always loved your voice." I ran my fingers through his perfect hair, catching the one leaf that dared to linger there.

His face relaxed. "It isn't quite the same is it?" His velvet voice was warm. I closed my eyes to enjoy its depth as he began to hum the song he'd composed for our wedding. I opened them as he picked a strand of grass out of my hair. "Are you ready to go to work then? Unless you'd like to sit here and watch the grass grow?" The corners of his mouth were creeping up.

I returned his smirk. I turned and bowed to him, "I am clay in your hands, Master." As my head came up, I saw Edward bursting. We both exploded in laughter. I couldn't remember being this happy. When we'd caught our breath, I was more serious. "I would imagine that very few vampires have ever felt like I do after the change."

Edward just shook his head, "No, very few are so happy and calm." His eyes brightened. "But normal has never applied to either of us, no matter what world we're in." He stood up and reached for my hand. "Let's get started." He pulled me to my feet.

"You've already noticed how much more powerful your senses are, so let's work on that today." He pointed up toward the nearby mountain. "What do you see when you look at the mountain?"

"I can see the mountain, of course, gray rock, white snow. The tree line is about halfway up." I paused and looked closer. "There is a small cave in the rocks above the trees on the left side." I scanned the rocky face closer. "Near the top, on an outcropping of rock is a pile of sticks… oh, it's a bird's nest." I saw a large bird land and small heads peek up above the twigs. "I can see three chicks in the nest."

"Very good." Edward gently turned me to face him. "Now, without looking again, how would you climb up to the nest?"

I closed my eyes and I could see the mountain in my head, just like before. "There is large vertical face on the left side I would avoid. I would start to the right of the sheer face and work my way to the right, up to a ledge halfway up. Then I would cut left and up to the nest." I opened my eyes. "How'd I do?"

"Your eyesight is great. Now we have to adjust your thought process." He looked sly as he took my hand. "This is how I would climb up." I could see the mountain in his mind now. He stood near the bottom of the sheer face I had avoided then jumped about 15 feet up the face, putting his foot on a tiny outcropping in the vertical rock. He kicked off the foothold and grabbed another tiny pocket with his hand. He continued the climb and was up the sheer face in about 30 seconds. Edward dropped my hand and looked at me.

I turned back to the mountain and examined the sheer face again, seeing all the nooks and crannies that he had used. "I didn't even consider going that way, only the way a human would have climbed." I was struck by how different I would be seeing things. "By the way, how far away is that mountain?"

"About five miles." He smiled. "Humans would need a very good pair of binoculars to see what you've seen from here." The thought of looking through binoculars brought a very old memory to mind.

"Do you remember the first time you spoke to me, in Biology?"

He frowned, "Yes. That was so long ago, I'm not that person any more." I put my arm around him.

"Do you remember the lab we did, with the microscopes? I was trying to keep up with you… no, show you up. It really annoyed me that you hardly even glanced down the scope to see the slides." I waited.

Edwards face brightened at the direction the conversation had gone. "The microscope was unnecessary. I'd identified all the slides when he put the box down." I rolled my eyes. "I was impressed by your performance though." He kissed the top of my head. "The microscope probably would have actually made it harder for me to see. The lenses are not focused enough, and of course are filthy." I shook my head, then smiled.

"So what's next, Master Yoda?" I was anxious to learn more about what I had become.

"Let's move on to your beautiful ears." He traced one with his finger as he remembered what I'd done to his ear last night, causing me to catch my breath.

"Ears are good," I sighed.

Edward chuckled warmly at my reaction. "We'll work on that feature later." His eyes sparkled for a moment, then turned back to business. "What can you hear?" He put both hands in his pockets and waited.

I closed my eyes again, and focused on my hearing. "I can hear lots of insects here in the field. There are birds, and I think I hear something larger not too far away scratching on a tree." I turned my head, still with my eyes closed. "I can hear voices, a TV I think. A car, driving away from us… And I can hear the wind in your hair." I opened my eyes. "You are holding your breath again." I smiled, proud of myself.

Edward smiled again. "Very good. Can you still hear the animal nearby? Try to keep your eyes open this time. You shouldn't disable one sense to use another."

I listened again, now turning my open eyes toward where the sound was. The animal had stopped scratching but I could hear it tramping through the forest slowly. It sounded heavy, like it had big feet. "Is it a bear?" I turned to look at Edward again.

"Yes. Can you hear it breathing?" he challenged.

I turned back to the bear, listening closer. Between the rustling leaves and busy bugs I could hear its low huffing. I heard a scratching again, and I could imagine the bear scratching a log for ants or termites to eat. I tried to listen even closer, and was rewarded, hearing its faint, slow heartbeat. My smile grew wide. "I can even hear its heart, beating slowly."

"Excellent. I can just make out its heart from here. Would you like to go find it?" Edward asked the question carefully, trying not to be too anxious. I could tell from his darkening eyes that 'find it' probably meant a meal, for him at least. I felt the dryness in my throat again, knowing that I would have to learn how to hunt at some point. His eyes were getting dark…

"Okay, let's go," I knew my voice was not as eager as I would have liked. Edward raised his eyebrows at me, and before he could tap his pendant I held up my hand. "I know that you need to hunt, and I need to learn. I'm just nervous. The only thing I've ever killed is goldfish."

"We'll take it slow. It does sound like a big bear, though." I saw his eyes brighten at the thought.

"Really, let's go. I'll just watch you." I can do this, I have to do this, I told myself.

"Alright, but you're going to have to find the bear. There is one sense that you haven't practiced yet, and it is probably your most important weapon." He waited for me to figure it out.

"You mean smell." I knew that the reason he didn't like holding his breath was the loss of smell. I took a deep breath, analyzing what I felt. I didn't close my eyes this time. "I can definitely smell you, like a rich toffee, maybe."

Edward's smiled widely at the description. "Mmmm, I like that. What else can you smell?"

I turned around toward one path out of our crushed grass circle. "That way I can smell a different sweetness." I thought for a moment. "Like cotton candy. It is familiar… Alice?" He nodded proudly. I walked around the circle again, looking for Jasper's smell. I found another sweet scent that I couldn't really describe, but was also familiar. "I can't really name his scent, but when I smell it, Jasper's face appears. I am kind of reminded of apples, but not quite."

"Apple wood would be my description. You are a very quick learner, I'm impressed." He put his arm around me. "Here's a quick primer on our scents." He put his hand on my cheek, and thought of each member of his family and the scent associated with each one.

Esme was fruity like berries; Rosalie was floral, of course; Alice and Jasper I recognized; Emmett was like a sweet pine; Carlisle's smell was complex, like amazingly deep hot chocolate. "And as for our bear…" I could see a bear from his past, and could smell not only the woodsy musk of the bear's coat, but another, sweet scent. This second scent settled in my dry throat, making my mouth water.

I had to swallow before I could speak. "That was just the bear's scent?"

Edward shrugged. "Scent and flavor are almost the same you know." He _was_ thirsty. I looked down as another thought raced through my mind. The bear's scent reminded me of another musky fragrance from my past. He sensed my hesitation and pulled my chin up to meet my eyes. _Do you want to know another scent?_ He then dropped his hand suddenly, guessing what I was thinking.

"Ask me," was all he said. His eyes tightened slightly.

I returned his gaze and thought of how much I loved him, my husband, and then took a breath. "Can you show me what Jacob smelled like?" I could see a shadow of sadness in his eyes as he leaned over to kiss me. As our lips met, I could see myself in his memories. We were in the meadow, on one of the nights the vampires and werewolves had allied themselves to protect me. Jacob ran toward us, and his scent hit like a brick wall. It was not like I remembered; it was strong, bitter, almost fecal. I concentrated and could just barely detect the familiar smell buried deep under the new repulsive one.

I felt bad when my nose began to crinkle, and I could feel Edward's lips turn up when it did. He pulled me tightly to him, and then the memory changed. He was holding me as I slept, and I heard my sleeping lips whisper "I love you Edward." Edward's memory shivered at the sound. It was a strange sensation as felt him enjoy my scent. It did smell flowery, and I could detect lavender. The sweet smell of my blood was nearly over powering in his memory, and I could feel his throat burn painfully. Edward's kiss ended and he looked in my eyes as I swallowed again.

"Thank you, for both memories." I pulled his lips to mine and kissed him again, happy that he wasn't able to think this time. "I love you so much." We held each other a moment longer before Edward thought of the bear again. I released him. "Let's find you a bear."

He mussed my hair, "_You_ have to find it, remember?" This was my test for the day I could tell. I turned to listen for the bear again and started walking.


	10. Thirst

**10. Thirst**

The bear had moved away from us. I could just barely make out its footsteps, and started jogging in that direction. I could hear Edward following behind me. As I reached the edge of the wood I stopped. The sound grew slightly louder, and for the first time I could smell the bear.

The scent was strong, and pointed which way to go. It was like the bear had left a sweet smoke behind as he travelled through the forest, and I just had to follow the trail. Edward touched my cheek again briefly. _Remember that bears can hear and smell very well, too_. I nodded, and checked the wind. It seemed to be coming from where the bear was leading us, so I didn't have to worry about our smell alerting him.

As quietly as I could I followed the trail, noting the broken foliage and a dead log as we passed. The smell grew stronger; it seemed more like a fog now than a wisp of smoke. Soon I could hear the bear's heart again, and as we approached I could see it through the trees ahead. It had found a bush with a few late summer berries left on it and sat comfortably, still over five feet tall, eating.

My mouth began to water, looking at the bear, and I realized that I wasn't nervous any more. I could see myself appearing behind the bear, wrenching its head around, killing it instantly. I shook my head, trying to control my thoughts. Then I remembered that I could stop breathing.

I didn't inhale again, and turned to Edward, waving my hand like a hostess showing him to a table. He had been studying my reactions carefully, analyzing every twitch in my face. He put his hand on my arm. _You want him, too_, he guessed. I nodded, but waved again. Edward was thirstier than I was. He kissed me silently. _Thank you_.

Edward dropped into a crouch, and silently crept toward the bear. I followed very carefully, keeping a distance between us so as not to alert the prey. I listened closely, but couldn't hear Edward's foot falls. He approached the bear from behind. Then, in a flash, he was at the bear's neck.

I watched him throw his face into the fur, then the bear's head snapped back with a loud crack. I gasped at the sound, and my brain was flooded with the sweet scent of the bear's blood. I started to stride forward, licking my lips. Edward hadn't looked up, his head still buried in the now dead bear's furry throat. I stopped at a low branch that blocked my way, and exhaled. The sound of the air leaving my lungs reminded me to stop breathing again.

I put my hands on the branch and closed my eyes. My throat now was bone dry. I tried to swallow, clenching my hands into fists in front of me. _Get control_, the voice in my head yelled. I slammed my arms down to my sides without opening my eyes, and the branch crashed to the ground. My eyes flashed open, and Edward looked up from the bear at me.

Edward's eyes were wild, and his stance instantly became protective of his kill. I could feel the urge to wrestle what was left of the bear from him. Before I could think I had bared my teeth and taken a menacing step toward him. _STOP IT_, the civilized part of my brain screamed. I froze, shocked at what I had been about to do. I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed my hands hard over my ears. I didn't breathe as I dropped to my knees. So many images flashed through my head, ways to get through Edward to the blood I wanted so badly.

I had to think about something else, something benign. The cover of a book appeared in my mind. Chapter by chapter I read the story in my now perfect memory, slowly turning the pages and reciting every word. I began to calm down, pushing the urges from my mind. When I was halfway through, I felt a hand on my neck and I jumped. _You can relax now, I'm finished_.

I slowly took my hands from my head. _You can breathe; the scent should be gone_. I inhaled carefully, slowly, only detecting a faint hint of bear's blood, probably from Edward. As I opened my eyes and stood, he pulled my chin up to his face. _How do you feel now_?

I looked up into his bright eyes. They were a goldenrod color I had never seen, so fresh from feeding. As I stared at him I felt more and more civilized, more like myself. "I'm doing better, now." He let go of me, and I hazarded a look around. The bear was gone; there was no trace he'd even been here. "I'm sorry. I wasn't prepared… the urge was so strong, so sudden." I looked down, ashamed.

"Please, don't feel guilty, Bella. That is part of what you are now. The fact that you were able to control yourself, just yards away, one day old, is, frankly, unbelievable. You should feel proud of yourself." Edward's voice was supportive. He paused. "Listen."

I could hear a different type of footstep now, lighter, smaller. There were many of them, grouped together. I couldn't hear heartbeats yet. I inhaled automatically, no scent either. I looked at Edward cautiously. He touched my cheek. _Your turn. Don't hold back_. My eyes questioned him. _It sounds like a herd of caribou_.

I started through the forest, uncertain again. I was afraid if I lost control I wouldn't get it back. I looked at Edward and he caught my hand. _I'll be right with you. Trust me_. I took another deep breath, and nodded.

I listened again, fine tuning the direction we should go. I checked the wind, and made adjustments in our path so that we would be downwind when we reached the herd. As we circled around, I finally caught the scent. It was different from the bear's, but the same enticing sweet overtones drew me in.

I turned and caught Edward's hand, looking him in the eye. _Yes, caribou. Santa won't be happy_. He smirked silently as I rolled my eyes. I dropped his hand and followed the scent.

As I listened I could hear the thundering of heartbeats getting louder. This was a big herd. I looked through the trees, and could see an opening ahead. I found myself in the same crouching position as Edward. I looked at him one more time, and I could see the predator was back. His eyes flashed at me and he bared his teeth, eager for the kill. I felt the hunter in me rise up. I breathed deeply, and my lips curled back as well. I felt a low growl barely rumble in my throat, nearly inaudible. _Stay back_ it told him.

I turned toward the herd and the scent filled me. There had to be fifty of them in this large meadow. The vampire in me took over. Just one wouldn't be enough. My head swayed as I scanned back and forth, picking the ones that would be mine. How many could I get before they bolted? Not too many, somehow I knew that they would be better warm. I felt the wind begin to shift. _Now_.

I reached the first buck with lightning speed and heard his neck break with a satisfying crunch. I didn't even think; I just automatically twisted his head one way and his shoulders the other. I jumped off him and moved to the large doe next to him and brought her down, too. _That took less than five seconds,_ I thought. I could hear the herd's heartbeats start to increase. _Just one more_. Another buck managed turned tail away from me.

I almost laughed as I caught him before he could take another step, and down he went. The herd bolted, but I didn't care. I looked down and touched the buck's neck. My fingers could tell where his jugular was by the minute change in temperature under his fur. Once found, I sunk my teeth into his coat, cutting through the hair and tissue like it was melted butter and stopping only when I felt the warm, sweet reward of his blood fill my mouth.

The feeling was unbelievable. I felt the warmth slowly fill my core as I eagerly drank. The taste was so sweet and rich. Each swallow helped to tame my parched throat, but also enticed me to drink more. It was like I had been in the desert for weeks, and this was a cold pitcher of water. Not a single droplet of blood escaped my hungry lips. Too soon it was gone, but the thirst was not satisfied.

I turned quickly back to my previous kills, eager for more. I barely noticed Edward farther away with several downed animals of his own. _Good, leave me alone_. I greedily finished the doe, and started on the first buck, the biggest. His blood was cooler than the rest, only by a degree, but I could tell. I was able to drink slower this time, noting the depth of flavor with each swallow. I was warm all over now.

The empty buck now became my pillow as I rolled over, savoring the feeling of total satisfaction. As I relaxed, I found control returning. Bella was still here, she wasn't lost after all. I now looked around at where we were. The mountain, five miles away before, now towered over us. The sun had nearly reached its apex, so I knew it was about noon. _Lunchtime_ I laughed to myself.

A contented sigh from nearby caught my attention. I sat up to find Edward in nearly the same position I was in, lying on a caribou with another body nearby. Two animals had succumbed to my vampire husband. I stood and approached him carefully. "Hey," I whispered.

Edward's eyes flashed open and he jumped up. I froze, hands up, waiting. He relaxed immediately, and walked toward me, deliberately slowly. His eyes got softer with every step. He wrapped his arms around me and we twirled, dancing. He dipped me deeply and then our lips met. _Ahh, dessert, _he thought. He kissed me long and deep, our tongues doing their own dance. After what seemed like forever, he stood me up and held me tight. "Did you know that you are amazing?" His voice was soft; he sounded spent with euphoria.

"You might have mentioned it." I kissed his neck, and got the purr I was looking for. He slowly relaxed his hold on me and we separated enough to look directly in each other's eyes. His eyes were nearly the color of Alice's yellow sports car now. Edward put his hands on my cheeks. _Look at your eyes_. I saw my face in his mind. My bright red eyes were now a fiery orange. I jumped at the sight. "Wow."

He released me. "How do you feel now?"

"It is really hard to describe. Satisfied, content, powerful, alive… I could go on." I traced his chin. "How do you feel?" _Impressed, proud, awed… full…_ He smiled on the last word. He twirled me one more time.

"We'll make a dancer of you yet," he laughed. He released my hand, and looked around us. "Wow, you were busy." He hadn't watched me while he made his own attack. He looked over at me, and I half expected my cheeks to grow hot, like old times. Edward laughed out loud. "I'll have to keep you well fed, you actually blushed." My laugh came out as a snort, and he caught me again around the waist, kissing me lightly.

As he put me down, I remembered the disappearing bear. "Now what? I assume we have to clean up our … dishes." I smirked again.

"Yes, but only to a point. I think if we just drag our leftovers into the trees, nature will clean itself up. There are plenty of other predators here that would enjoy the easy meal. We just need to keep them out of sight." He pointed straight up. Alaska had the largest number of pilots per capita in the United States, and most flew bush planes that could easily land in the meadow we were standing in.

We spent all of about five minutes dragging our kill away. The meadow was already crushed from the herd, so no other evidence needed to be manufactured or erased.

"What did you do with the bear?" I wondered.

"I found an old den nearby and stashed it there. It'll also be taken care of naturally, but I didn't want it to be too easy to find by hikers or hunters. I also wanted to get the smell away from you." He looked at me with a knowing expression. I remembered the bear now, and the feelings I'd had. Was it only a few minutes ago? "Let's head back and clean up." Edward suggested. That sounded great.

We ran back to the house, just jogging. I could tell as we approached that no one was home, and I was glad. I knew we needed to talk about the hunt, and I wasn't ready to share the experience with anyone else yet.

After a change of clothes, and a freshening up, I felt better, more _human_. As I brushed my hair, I realized that I would have to fight to keep that human feeling, or risk becoming like Bree, or worse: totally uncontrolled, a true monster. I looked at my face in the mirror, looking forward to the day when the red, now orange, in my eyes would be replaced by gold. Only I could make that happen.

Edward was lounging on the couch with the TV on. I now knew why it was never on loud at the Cullen's; even on its lowest volume I could hear every word perfectly. As I approached him he clicked it off and opened his arms. I curled up next to him and put my head on his shoulder. "How are you?" He asked carefully, testing to see if I was ready to talk.

"I'm good. I've had quite a day so far." That's an understatement…

Edward held me close. "Tell me."

"Well, the caribou were great." I skipped to the best part.

He wasn't going to let me do that. "Tell me about the bear." I looked down as my feelings of failure suddenly started drowning out the feelings of success.

"I am guessing that you are disappointed in yourself for what happened, but I hope that you'll let me help you understand that you were amazing out there. Your self-control was impressive. Please tell me what you felt." Edward softly pleaded with me.

"You know I can't resist you when you talk like that." I sighed. "I'm not sure where to start."

"What did you feel when you first saw the bear?"

The memory appeared with out any effort. "My throat got very dry, and I imagined snapping the bear's neck. I didn't let my thoughts move beyond that." I stopped.

"Why didn't you take the bear yourself?" Curiosity wove through Edward's question.

"I could feel how thirsty you were." He kissed my head.

"And when _I_ took the bear…"

I took a deep breath. "I could smell the blood, and I wanted it. My inner voice told me to get control. I forced myself not to breathe, but when I broke the branch by mistake I inhaled."

"When I heard that, I turned and looked at you. You looked ready to spring at me. Why didn't you?" Edward didn't sound angry at all at my near attack.

"You're not angry?" Now surprise colored my question.

"No, of course not. I actually was expecting it." I had to turn and look in his eyes before I could believe what I heard.

"Expecting me to attack you?" I was shocked.

"Yes. Don't forget that I know what you're feeling. It may have been a long time ago, but my memory is perfectly clear." Edward's voice was serious, remembering the past.

"The first time Carlisle took me hunting he made the first kill as I watched. The smell was so strong that nothing was going to stop me from getting to the prey, a deer in that case. I literally threw him out of the way to get to the kill. If he'd tried to stop me I probably would have ripped his head off." His eyes remained steady as he spoke. "I had to expect that you would do the same thing. That's why I was so surprised that you didn't attack."

I thought about that. "I remember what you said so long ago about giving over to your instincts when you hunt. When you looked up at me, I didn't see you as a person, but as a jealous predator. And I felt exactly the same way. As I was about to attack the voice in my head screamed at me to stop. All I could do was shut down all my senses. I found I could distract my thoughts by re-reading _Pride and Prejudice_ in my brain. I'd made it halfway through by the time you touched me."

Edward stared into my eyes, wonder growing in his as I spoke. "You really _are_ amazing."

"I don't feel that way." I smiled weakly.

"So tell me about the caribou. You have a very menacing growl, by the way." I looked for sarcasm in his face, and finding none, had an invisible blush.

"Well, you told me to let myself go, and after the bear, I didn't want you butting in." I smiled sweetly at Edward. He poked my ribs, smirking. "At first I was afraid that if I let go of my control I wouldn't get it back." Bree flashed through my mind again. "But I trusted you, so I let go. I was very aware of the wind direction, and when it started to shift I jumped on the biggest buck I could see. I broke his neck and got the next doe before the herd knew I was there. The third buck started to run, but I was too fast for him." I was smug. "I knew I had to kill all the ones I wanted before the rest ran off, then I could enjoy them."

"Why three?" the curiosity was back.

"It was strange, actually. As I looked at the herd I could feel the amount of blood there, and thought of slaughtering a whole bunch of them. Something inside me told me that it would be wasting, and that many would grow cold before I could taste them. That didn't seem as appetizing. Instinct, I guess. Three seemed to be right, and it was. The third one was just starting to cool."

I surprised myself with such an unemotional description. Edward nodded understanding completely. "Which one was the best?"

"That's a hard question to answer." I played with Edward's penny while I thought. "The first was the warmest, and I guess I was thirsty because I polished it off really fast. The last one was the coolest, but I could drink slower. I could taste all the flavors then. I would think it would be like comparing sipping fine wine to chugging ice cold beer. Not that I'd had either one." I looked up suddenly, realizing how off-handed I sounded. "Sorry, I didn't mean to get carried away."

"No apology necessary. Your thoughts came out so naturally, it was refreshing." He nudged me again and put his hand on mine. _You are adjusting so quickly to this new life_.

"I have a great teacher." I brought his fingers to my lips and started playing with them. Whispering was getting louder in my mind as I did. I shifted focus long enough to identify Esme and Carlisle's thoughts, then proceeded to ignore them. _It was worth waiting a century for you._ "I love you, too." I purred.

Too soon Carlisle and Esme got home. We turned the TV on again when we heard the car so that they would know that they were welcome inside. Carlisle held the door as Esme entered carrying a small package. "Hello my children, how was your morning?" she said. I couldn't help looking at Edward and smirking. He poked me again.

"It was quite fun, Esme. Bella was very entertaining." He smirked back at me.

"What did you get?" I tried to change the subject before I started giggling.

"I found a set of period doorknobs for the Idaho house. They need a little work, but they're perfect." I successfully swallowed the giggles, but I knew they were still lurking. I wondered if this was what it felt like to be high…

"The house in Idaho was built in the 1880's. Esme is down to the final details." Edward's voice was serious again, helping me to calm down. Esme went to pack her finds away. I looked up at Carlisle.

"Did you shop too?" I smiled as I looked at up at him, back in control. I waited for his reaction when he saw my eyes. I was not disappointed.

Carlisle looked at me and then froze. "I bought you some books, actually, Bella. I thought you might want something else to read." His lips moved, but he didn't take his eyes from mine. Finally he turned stiffly and looked at Edward. I would have grabbed his hand, but I already knew what Carlisle was thinking. I pressed my lips together and looked down, as another laugh threatened to escape.

"Yes, we went hunting. I'll tell you the full story later, and you'll want to be sitting down." Amazement filled Edward's voice.

I looked up again. Carlisle stared at my eyes again, opened his mouth to speak, then closed it. For a moment, he actually reminded me of Charlie. The thought sobered me up quickly.

"Sit with us now Carlisle, I'd love to see what books you brought." I waved toward the chair next to us. He sat, regaining some composure and handed me his small package. "Thanks, I really appreciate this." I pulled out the small stack of books and started looking at the titles. "Are these all antiques?" I handled the hardbound books with extreme care so I wouldn't damage them.

"Yes, I thought you might want to start a collection."

"That was very thoughtful. Thank you." I put my hand on my chest as I spoke. One of the books was my other favorite, _Wuthering Heights_. I carefully opened that one first.

"Bella, if you don't mind me asking, what did you hunt today?" I looked up at Edward first, and he waved his hand inviting me to answer. The corners of his mouth were twitching at Carlisle's question.

Before I could speak, Edward touched my arm. "Bella, hang on for just a minute, I think Alice and Jasper will want to hear the story too. They're nearly here." He looked at me and I could tell that he was enjoying himself immensely.

I took his hand now. _Be sure and watch Jasper's face when you tell him about the bear_. Edward's eyes twinkled with anticipation. I smirked and dropped his hand.

Moments later, Alice bounced in the room, kissed me on the cheek, and plopped down on the couch next to me. Jasper slid in sleekly behind her.

I put my arm around Alice, carefully avoiding touching her skin and hugged her. "How was your morning, Sis?" I asked as looked into her bright gold eyes. She didn't even flinch when she looked at mine.

"Not nearly as exciting as yours." She was smirking now.

I turned to Jasper, "And how are you doing, Bro?" I watched as Jasper froze, staring at my orange eyes. I put my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing out loud. "Edward, I think Jasper needs a chair too." I turned back to Alice, which was a bad idea. We both started laughing uncontrollably. Edward got up to get a chair from the kitchen, and I could tell he was laughing, too. I looked at Jasper again. "A little help, please?"

Jasper sat down and took a deep breath. I could tell he had to concentrate to get the right emotion out. I finally could stop laughing. It took a minute to catch my breath though. I felt really warm and calm now. "Thanks."

I looked at Edward and he started the story. "Bella and I went hunting this morning." He looked at me.

"Edward was teaching me about how different my senses are now, and we found a bear." Carlisle raised an eyebrow. I glanced at Edward. "I let Edward have the bear." Edward's grin grew larger and he flicked his eyes from me to Jasper. Jasper was frozen again, shock on his face. I could only manage a snort of a laugh as Jasper's control wavered. Alice nudged me and I took another breath.

"After the bear, we tracked down a herd of caribou. I had three." My grin was wide, remembering the taste. I looked at Jasper, and then at Carlisle. They were both frozen in thought. "It was a lot of fun, actually." I looked up at Edward. He offered me his hand. I hesitated for a second, glancing at the two frozen men across the room, and decided to take it. _You are fantastic_.

I smiled up at Edward and then looked at Carlisle as his voice became clear in my mind. _She didn't take the bear? Edward nearly killed me for a deer his first time out. He wouldn't let me go first for months. _The voice changed to Jasper. _Orange, after just one feeding. Months, it takes months to get newborn blood out_.

I let go of Edward's hand again, and leaned toward Carlisle. "Seriously, I only just let him have the bear. I was so close to fighting him for it. I didn't even think I was thirsty until he took it down. We both enjoyed the caribou, though." Carlisle relaxed a little.

I turned to Jasper next. "If I had to guess, I would expect my eyes to turn back to red, rather than to black. And please remember that I haven't been exposed to a human yet." My tone grew solemn as I considered the next test Edward would have for me.


	11. Graduation

**11. Graduation**

The time passed quickly for me. Edward and I went everywhere within ten miles of the house. We ran, climbed, and tracked animals. We hunted a couple of more times, finding moose and another bear that I got to try this time. I had never seen Edward so relaxed and happy. This really was a great honeymoon.

Saturday rolled around again, and we were inside for a change this morning. I was reading one of the few books I'd brought, _Anne of Green Gables_. Edward was watching the nearly silent TV. Everyone else was out and about.

I leaned over against Edward and he wrapped his arm around me. He glanced down at what I was reading. "_Anne of Green Gables_, eh? She gets into nearly as much trouble as you do…" He snickered as I looked up from the book. "How many times have you read this one?" He touched my ragged copy, and turned off the TV.

I looked into his bright eyes. "A few. I don't have a lot of choices here, you know." I saw something mysterious in Edward's eyes as I spoke, but ignored it for now. "So this was published when you were a kid, right?"

"Yes. I think it came out before 1910. Why?" His eyebrows turned up with curiosity.

"I was wondering if anything in this story was similar to how you grew up. Do you remember anything about being a kid?" Reading the story again had made me curious about Edward's childhood.

"I do remember some." He held out his hand, and I took it in mine. Edward had never revealed this part of his life to me before. "You have to remember that I grew up in Chicago, a city of two million people, not on a farm." He closed his eyes, and I could see the city. Edward remembered different locations, the river, the high rises, horse drawn carriages, street cars. I saw the theater, Christmas lights, and then he lingered on a baseball game. We looked around the stadium, and I saw the scoreboard: World Series, White Sox vs. Cubs.

"Wow, you went to the world series as a kid? No wonder you love baseball." I was impressed.

He smiled. "Yes. My father took me to Game 3. It was in 1906, I was five. It still is the only time that the Sox and Cubs ever met in the World Series. That's one of my strongest memories."

"Do you remember what your parents looked like? If it doesn't bother you…" I waited.

The baseball memory continued. We looked up at the man next to us; his face was shaped exactly like Edward's. Only his hazel eyes were different, and he had deep brown hair and a mustache. He wore a tweed business suit and a hat. As Edward's memory scanned the crowd, I could tell his father was very well dressed compared to everyone else.

The memory changed, and we were in a dark place. Edward was lying down, looking up at someone. We could hear coughing and retching, and the smell was nearly unbearable. We focused on the face above us. I knew in an instant that it was Edward's mother. Her hair color was identical to his, as were her eyes – only a brilliant green. Her face was softer, rounder, and filled with love as she looked down.

I recognized the sparkling heart dangling from her neck; it was the same multi-carat diamond that Edward had given me for graduation. I could feel the cool compress she placed on Edward's forehead. She sang as she tended him, a soft, old melody. As the memory faded I saw a man stand behind her, and just glimpsed Carlisle.

Edward's hand slipped out of mine. As I looked up at him he turned away, and I could tell that he missed his mother more than he'd ever let on before. "Thank you. She loved you very much." He nodded slowly.

"She would sing all the time to me, right up to the end." I put my head on his chest and held him tightly. There was nothing I could say…

Edward took a deep breath. "After Carlisle changed me I could read his memories of my mother, and how she sacrificed herself trying to save me." He pulled me close and kissed the top of my head. "Until I met you, I didn't think I would ever find a love that strong ever again."

I looked up and saw that his sorrow was fading. I kissed him gently. "Thanks for finding me."

We sat silently listening to each other's breathing, but were interrupted when Edward's cell phone vibrated. I released him so he could answer. He looked at the number before he answered.

"Yes…" He listened for a minute. He looked down at my face with an expression I couldn't interpret then said, "Today would be fine. Thank you." He pushed end, then said, "Carlisle" into the phone. I looked up at him quizzically, but he just smiled mysteriously at me. "Carlisle, are you available today? …It's here… Yes, that's what I was thinking. Around noon… And if you get a chance, could you pick up another book or two for Bella? Thank you." He hung up the phone and looked at me, smug.

"What was all that about?" I looked at him suspiciously.

"Nothing, really. I was just scheduling a delivery." Edward continued to keep me in suspense.

My birthday was next week. "So my present is ready, is it?" I assumed he was arranging for Carlisle to deliver my new car. I had agreed not to complain about the gift, but I still loved my slow truck. "Can I keep my truck, too?"

"Of course you can, since that wasn't your car." He smirked again. "It is actually my travelling piano. I had it shipped here from storage." Edward couldn't resist a chuckle at my embarrassed face.

"Fine. Carlisle and Esme are coming to babysit, then." I muttered.

"Not exactly." His face grew serious. "I'm having the piano delivered here. I have to be here to sign for it." He waited for my brain to absorb the information. Delivered. By a human. I froze.

Edward put his arms around me, his voice soft. "Carlisle and Esme will be here with you. The whole thing will take no more than ten minutes. It is time you started to get used to the scent of humans." I tried to imagine making it ten minutes without attacking the innocent delivery man, having Carlisle and Esme hold me back. I wouldn't let myself think what would happen if they let go.

"Bella, you can do this, I know you can." Edward was encouraging. I tried to relax.

"Was it hard for you, the first time?" I turned to look in his eyes, but he looked away. I knew that meant his first contact with humans was not a positive one. I tried again. "How old were you?" He didn't move. "_Please_…" I started to move my hands to touch his skin, but he held me tighter, stopping me.

Edward's words came fast. "I was ten days old to this life. It was nearly two a.m. and Carlisle was at work. A man came to the door, bleeding, begging for help. He knew that Carlisle was a doctor. I wasn't supposed to answer the door, but the smell…" I could see that the memory haunted him. Was I doomed to repeat it?

"I don't know if I'm ready. I should just go out into the woods until he's gone." I tried to get up, but Edward still held me tight. "You know I'm stronger than you…" My voice grew serious. He released me, but then stroked my cheek.

_You __**are**__ stronger than me, Bella, in so many ways. I won't let you make a mistake like that. Trust me._ He smiled and kissed me. "I'm afraid, Edward. I'm afraid that I'll lose control and hurt you or Carlisle or Esme if you try to stop me. I could smell blood as a human, can you imagine what that will be like now?" I was starting to panic.

"That's right, I'd forgotten about your sensitivity to blood as a human." He thought for a moment. "I wonder how that will change your reaction. This should be interesting." Edward didn't seem concerned at all. My hands started to shake with fear.

"You won't hurt _anyone_, I promise." He kissed me again, long and strong, trying to erase my panic. He reduced it to manageable fear.

We both had to catch our breath when he let me go. "Can we at least go hunt before he gets here? That helps, right?" Neither of us was thirsty, but I wanted all the help I could get.

"Sure, let's go." He smiled, happy that I was going along with his plan.

* * *

When we got back, Carlisle and Esme were home. We went and cleaned up. As I brushed out my hair, I looked at myself in the mirror. I was so full of animal blood that I actually had a tint to my skin, making me look like my old human self… until I looked at my eyes. They were now light orange, very unnatural. As I stared in the mirror, Esme tapped on the open door. "How are you doing?" 

"I was just thinking that I look almost human, except for my eyes. They at least are getting more yellow, I think, but definitely not human." I scowled.

"I brought you something for that." She smiled warmly as she held out her hand. She gave me a pair of lightly tinted blue sunglasses.

I was touched by her thoughtfulness. "Thank you, Esme." I immediately tried them on, and they muted the orange-yellow to a more natural brownish-green. They actually looked great on me as well, and the tinting was so light they wouldn't attract attention being worn indoors. "These are perfect." I turned to hug her. "Thanks again."

We walked back out to the family room and sat down to wait for the guinea pig delivery man. I was sure there was nothing in the FedEx manual about deliveries to vampires…

As we waited, Carlisle and Edward rearranged the furniture in the living room to make space for the piano. It was actually a high end Yamaha synthesizer. Anything bigger wouldn't have fit in our small home without removing furniture. I started on one of the new books that Carlisle had bought me in town while Esme flipped through her favorite architectural magazine, making sketches on a notepad.

Too soon we heard the delivery truck amble down the long road to the house. Carlisle sat down on the other side of me, and I put on the sunglasses that Esme had given me. Esme put her hand on my leg. "You'll be fine, Bella. We'll help you."

Carlisle rubbed my back before picking up his newspaper. "Just relax Bella." He sounded calm, not worried. I took a deep breath as I heard the brakes of the truck squeak and picked my book back up. Edward looked over at me, confident, as he stood up. He waited for the doorbell before opening the door.

He pulled the door open quickly, forcing the scent of our visitor my direction. At first I held my breath, but Carlisle quietly scolded "Bella…" in my ear. Slowly I took a breath.

The smell was complex. It wasn't like how Edward remembered my smell at all, and that surprised me. I flinched as I realized the smell reminded me of grilled steak, very rare. I could hear the man's breathing, and his heartbeat. I waited for my instincts to kick in, but nothing happened.

I took another breath, and could separate the smell of blood from the smell of the man. The sweet blood still had a rust and salt component, but it was pleasing, not stomach turning. My throat felt warm now, but not burning. I hazarded a look up, realizing that only a few seconds had passed. Edward was still greeting the man. He turned back from the door as the man went to retrieve the package, the paperwork done.

Edward peered at me intently, reading my face. I smiled carefully up at him through my glasses and shrugged. So far so good.

Now the test got harder. The synthesizer box was a large, heavy, silver road case, and it took two delivery men to bring it in. I heard both their heartbeats before they came through the door. Their breathing was labored; the synthesizer was heavy.

Edward waved them in, then watched me. The first man's scent was still in my brain when the second man's scent floated in. It was similar, like the steak was marinated instead of grilled, and his blood was sweeter. My throat felt warmer than before, and I swallowed.

Again, I waited for the monster in me to appear, for my brain to show me how I was going to attack this prey, but it stayed quiet inside me. I watched the men set the box down, noting that I could actually see their pulse when their throat was exposed. Just as my mind started to wonder about their taste, they went back to the truck. I took a careful breath. "Is that it?" I looked at Edward.

"Not quite. There are a couple more pieces they have to bring in. How are you?" He looked more excited than curious.

"I'm okay…" I was still surprised at myself. Edward then appeared before me and grabbed my hand, pulling me up off the sofa. Carlisle hissed at him, but Edward glared back. _Do you trust me?_ He thought.

Did I trust myself? "I don't know." I looked in his eyes. Then I heard the men come in again, each with another, smaller road case.

Edward held me tightly around the waist, sneaking a touch under the edge of my blouse and pulled me toward the door. The men stacked the boxes next to the synthesizer case and stopped in front of Edward and me. My throat got hotter and I swallowed again. Edward held out a tip to the first man and as he took it, the second man held his hand out to me. _What a lovely girl_, his thoughts said.

I looked at it and could see the rhythm of his pulse in his wrist. _Don't break his hand_. Edward thought. I gingerly held out my hand and he took it. I focused on being very gentle, matching his grip strength. It would be so easy to crush his hand, I thought to myself. Then I looked in his face, and was reminded that this was not an animal, this was a sentient person. His thoughts were still registering my frigid fingers. "Sorry, cold hands." I smiled weakly.

The man gave me a friendly smile. "Just like _my_ wife. Have a good day." Then he was gone. Edward closed the door, and let go of me. I didn't move until I heard the truck drive down the road. Then I put my hands on my knees, trying to release the tension my body felt.

"Edward, you shouldn't push her." Esme scolded. Edward rubbed my back.

"I knew Bella could do it." Then to me, "I'm proud of you, you did great."

I took another cleansing breath and felt the human scent dissipate. I stood up slowly. Carlisle still hadn't said a word, but was watching me closely. "How are you, Bella?" His voice was clinical.

"I'm okay. Better than I thought I would be. Just trying to relax." I swallowed again, my throat beginning to cool. I still couldn't believe that I didn't seriously think about killing those men. I looked up at Edward.

The pride in his face was still evident. "Penny…"

I went and sat down, still trying to calm myself. "I didn't try and kill them. I smelled them, and my throat got hot, but I didn't even _imagine_ killing them." I shook my head, amazed at myself. "How did you know?" I looked up at Edward.

"I know you. Your control is amazing, and we prepared you for the challenge. I trust you." He squatted down next to me to look directly in my eyes. "Remember, you trusted me with your life, over and over again, and you smelled much more appetizing than those guys." He smiled.

I looked at Carlisle again. He was still analyzing me, but smiled back. "How did you feel when you shook hands, Bella?" It looked like Carlisle was trying to make a decision.

"Edward reminded me to be gentle, which was a good idea, and I focused on that. I could see and then feel the pulse in his hand, and I did realize that I could easily break every bone in his body. His hand was so warm and fragile. It reminded me of the day we held baby ducks in kindergarten." I smiled, embarrassed at my childish comparison. "But then I remembered he was a person, not an animal…" My voice faded as I remembered, still not sure how I controlled myself.

"That's very descriptive, Bella. Quite remarkable." Carlisle looked at Edward. I could see that he was telling Edward something, but I didn't care. I could actually imagine a semi-normal life now, eventually.

I had been so focused on controlling my new self that I hadn't thought about the rest of the world at all. Simple things like shopping or attending college were now real possibilities in my future. I hadn't realized how much I had given up or forgotten about.

I was ignoring everyone else in the room, lost in my thoughts. When Edward touched my arm, I jumped.

"Bella, I'm sorry, are you okay?" Edward got my attention.

"Sorry, I was thinking." I looked up at him, trying to tell him I would explain later. "What were you saying?" He nodded toward Carlisle. I turned to face my father who was now standing next to me.

"Bella, I think it is time for us to head to Idaho. Your progress is fantastic, and I think that you and Edward will be fine alone. Will you and Edward come to visit us at Thanksgiving?" As Carlisle spoke, I could see pride in his eyes, too. I looked at Esme, and happiness filled her face.

"You're leaving… so soon?" I was confused.

"You don't need our help any more. You need to finish your honeymoon with your husband." Pride also colored Esme's words.

Suddenly, I felt I was graduating from high school all over again. I didn't know what to say. I stood up, and hugged Carlisle tightly. As he held me he whispered in my ear, "Well done, Bella. I'm very proud of you." We relaxed and I looked in his face. His expression echoed his words, and he stroked my cheek. He stepped aside, and I hugged Esme next.

"Don't let Edward tease you too much. I'll be looking forward to seeing you in November." I kissed her on the cheek, and she kissed my cheek back. Carlisle offered her his arm, and they went to the door.

"We'll see you soon," Carlisle said, and they left. Edward put his arm around me as the car drove away. We were alone.

It all happened so fast, I was stunned. I stood, looking at the closed door, trying to understand everything that had happened in the past few minutes. My mind was numb.

Edward wrapped both arms around me and looked in my eyes. He started to lean in to kiss me, but my expression confused him. I realized that my mouth was hanging open. "Bella, are you alright?" He squinted at me, then reached up to move a wayward lock of hair behind my ear.

"What just happened?" I stammered.

"Carlisle only intended to stay until we didn't need him to help you maintain control. You showed today that you have control. He is extremely impressed with you." He now lifted my chin and kissed me, holding me tightly. My blank mind responded immediately, and he scooped me up and took me in the bedroom. He set me gently on the bed.

"Was that some kind of graduation?" My brain was still reeling.

"You could say that." He started to nuzzle my ear. "Would you like to celebrate?" He pulled me close, and I answered him with a kiss.


	12. Family

**12. Family**

The time passed quickly in Alaska. After Carlisle and Esme went home to Idaho, we were alone. Alice and Jasper stayed another few days, but they spent much of their time together in the wilderness. Alice was still watching the Volturi for some link to the vision I had, but had seen nothing else.

Alone, Edward and I enjoyed each other immensely. Time did seem to mean less and less to me. As the night now took over Alaska, the sun was a rare site. I was surprised that I didn't miss it more. When we weren't outside hunting or exploring, we enjoyed hobbies indoors. Both of us loved reading, and after about a month I was able to accompany Edward on short trips to town, one of my favorites being to the little bookstore.

Edward also spent time composing on his portable piano. Sometimes I would watch and listen to him work out his complex harmonies, other times I worked on my new found hobby, writing. Jasper had given me a fast laptop computer for my birthday, including a high speed internet connection and I loved it. I could email my mom, keeping her happily ignorant of my true life, surf the web, and type up a storm, all at high speed. I'd even enrolled in a few online courses at UAS, so the façade of attending college wasn't totally a myth.

My favorite pastime was writing, though. I didn't have any particular focus yet, and for now was working on short stories. Edward and I spent many evenings at home, each at our own keyboard.

Tonight was just such an evening. Edward had his headphones on, and I was just surfing the web. I looked up to see him shutting down the synthesizer. He came over and wrapped his arms around me. "What are you working on tonight?"

"Just surfing. Waiting for inspiration."

Edward nuzzled my ear. "What kind of inspiration are you looking for?" His voice was low and enticing.

"Mmmm, I don't need the computer for that kind of inspiration." I closed my laptop and turned into his lips. His kisses still ran chills down my spine, especially since I could sense the same feeling in his mind. "You know, this isn't really inspiring any writing…" I paused to peer into his topaz eyes. _Did you notice that your eyes are starting to fade?_ I saw my face pictured in his mind, my eyes now a deeper red, less like a fire truck, more like a dark rose. I smiled. "Finally." Edward kissed me lightly, then sat next to me.

"So are you ready to go on a trip?" He looked at me expectantly.

"Trip…" I was curious. "Where?"

"To Idaho. You do realize that Thanksgiving is next week, right?" Edward gave me a crooked smile, waiting for my reaction. He knew I had no clue what day it was.

I looked at him, trying to conceal my surprise. "Is it really?" I didn't sound as casual as I'd wanted to. His smile got wider and he reached down and brought his penny to his lips.

This had become our unspoken signal that he wanted all the thoughts floating in my head. I sighed, and frustration crept into my voice. "Okay, I had no idea what the date was. You were the one that said time would cease to mean anything…" I looked in his eyes again. "I have been a little distracted." I tickled his chin with my finger.

"True." He stroked my cheek. "But you know that Esme especially is expecting us. I'm sure she is dying to see us again."

I smiled at the thought of the Cullen house on Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is a holiday that in any other house involves the family converging around a huge table filled with food and stuffing themselves. Not so in a house filled with vampires who ate seldom, and never in the house. I looked forward to being with my family again, but then my eyes creased together as I remembered that the whole family would be there. Edward didn't need me to explain my thoughts now.

"I'm sure that Emmett is anxious to see you, and Rosalie will be on her best behavior." His voice turned sour.

I had made a small connection to my other sister when I was human, but I hadn't seen her since becoming a vampire. She had been against my decision from the beginning, and was nearly as stubborn as I was. "Do you think she'll be upset when she sees me?"

"I really don't know. She has known that this was happening for a long time now, but change is very difficult for her. I really don't think she sees much below the surface of things, so she doesn't grasp the depth of our relationship." Edward frowned.

"You never really have connected with her either, have you?" I didn't look at him, and played with my wedding ring instead. Apparently the many years that Edward had known his sister hadn't brought them any closer either.

"No." He was thoughtful. "Her mind is so shallow. She spends most of her time thinking about herself, and all her decisions are based on how they affect her. Nothing is more important to her, and she never wavers from that. That's why she and Emmett stay with us, rather than go on out on their own, because it's better for _her_. Remember what I said about pigheadedness?" I looked up and he looked frustrated. I could tell that this had been a sore spot for many years.

"You know that isn't true. This is her family, not a convenience." I knew that Rosalie loved her family, including Edward, though she had trouble admitting it.

He grimaced. "You are right, that is too harsh. She does care for us, in her own way."

"Have you ever tried to look at the world from her point of view?" Edward rolled his eyes, but I continued. "She knows that her world is small, but she feels like you make it even smaller." As I remembered my one and only conversation with Rosalie, I found I understood more of her. "You are incredibly intimidating, you know, not just to humans, either. You are so smart, you know what everyone thinks almost before they do, and on top of all that you are breathtakingly beautiful." He stroked my hair as I found his pendant.

"You know, I was intimidated by you for a long time, too. I probably still would be if you hadn't accepted me so completely for who I am." I looked into his eyes. They were softer now, focused. "Do you know what Rosalie's first memories of you are?" His eyes tightened instantly.

"She remembers me asking Carlisle why he saved her." Edward's voice was flat.

"That's one way of putting it. Here's another." I kept my voice even. "Her first memory is of you rejecting her. You didn't know her, hadn't talked to her, hardly seen her except as a bloody mess. You summed her up in one glance, and in your eyes she wasn't worth saving." Edward looked away.

"You can't know how I felt, you weren't there." His voice was cold, distant. There was something else in his tone – an anger that wasn't directed at me…

I thought twice about continuing, but the feeling of understanding was creeping around the edges of my mind. "I know, but that is how she perceived you. Can you imagine how _she_ felt, believing that image of you?" He rolled his eyes again, dismissing my question, trying to end this conversation. I continued anyway.

"I understand that you cannot help the fact that you can read her mind. She needs to remember that more often. But rejection, whether it is real or perceived is a very powerful emotion." He looked in my solemn eyes and then flinched as he remembered how his rejection had affected me.

I reached up to stroke his cheek, but changed my mind and put my hand on his arm instead. "I am new to this family, just like she was then. Maybe that's why I can see a little better through her eyes." I turned and put my head on his shoulder. "She was worth saving, you know."

Edward hadn't moved, and just stared where my face had been. I stroked his arm, careful not to touch his skin. "What are you thinking?"

Edward stiffened, realizing that I could easily read his thoughts. "Why are you asking?" His voice was hard as he threw his hand out. I didn't take it.

"Do you really want me to hear all your thoughts, unedited?" His hand became a fist. I looked up at him, but he was staring straight ahead now, his face dark.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you angry." Edward still wouldn't look at me.

I climbed on his lap so he couldn't avoid looking at me. His eyes were hard, defensive. "_I_ don't get to choose whether I read people's thoughts. _I_ didn't make her what she is. It's not my fault." he spat. He twisted his head away again.

I ran my fingers through is hair carefully. "No, it's not your fault." I waited. Edward continued to glare. "I love you. I'm sorry if I hurt you." I whispered. He refused to look at me, his hand still in a fist.

Edward spoke through clenched teeth. "When Carlisle saved her, it ruined what we had. I liked my life, was happy for once. I had just come back to Carlisle and Esme, and now we had to move again, with a self-centered newborn in tow." His hands shook while he spoke.

I took a deep breath and swallowed. "That sounds like what we just did to her. It's no wonder she hates me." I whispered the words slowly. Edward's face snapped around, ready to challenge me but that changed in an flash when he saw the truth in my eyes. His face collapsed. I had to force myself to hold his gaze, the shame evident in his face. I tried to swallow the lump now in my throat.

"Bella…" he started, but then stopped, rethinking his words. He closed his eyes. "You are not self-centered… And she doesn't hate you…" He took a deep breath. "But you are right about me. I couldn't see. I'm sorry I got angry." When he opened his eyes, and I could see that he was starting to understand.

"It's okay to be angry sometimes." I searched his eyes. "What are you thinking?"

Edward's hand moved toward my face, but he rested it on my hair. "I was thinking that your perception is still incredibly clear. And that I need to rethink my feelings toward Rosalie… and Carlisle, too." He now put his hand on my cheek. _And that I have the most amazing wife. I am so lucky you chose me_. He pulled my face to his, and kissed me, sending chills down both of our spines.

* * *

I had my bag packed in plenty of time the next morning. As I looked at the full suitcase, I smiled. Alice had bought me a new wardrobe for my birthday, knowing exactly what kind of clothes I would need. Everything was long-sleeved and light. The bag weighed nothing as I tossed it in the back of the Cherokee. 

I was wearing much more than usual: a jacket, gloves, a scarf which wrapped around my head and neck and sunglasses. Luckily in winter all these things seemed normal. The only protection they provided for me, though, was from prying eyes. Edward, looking handsome in a wide-brimmed leather hat, scarf, and sunglasses, held the passenger door open for me with the flair of a chauffer. I still loved his chivalrous habits.

We hit the road at breakneck speed, of course, but it no longer bothered me. "How long will it take to get there?" I was figuring on at least a day.

"About five hours." He glanced over at me with his crooked smile.

I looked at him skeptically. "Does this car fly now?" His grin grew.

"No, but planes do," as he took the turn for the local airport.

"An airplane…" My voice trailed off as I thought of being locked up in a silver tube with 200 appetizing humans. I'd been around one or two at a time, but only for short periods. I was slowly building up my tolerance. There was no way I could make it for five hours with that many potential meals so close, let alone navigate a bustling airport. "Edward, I'm not ready…" I was starting to panic.

He reached over and put his hand on my leg. "Calm down, Bella. We're not taking a commercial plane. I rented a private jet for us." He smiled again as he watched me relax.

I smacked his shoulder. "Sure, give me a coronary." He laughed, and I had to join him.

Edward flew the plane, of course. I felt a little better that he had to pay slightly more attention to flying than to driving, but soon after we were in the air he turned on the automatic pilot and came back to join me. The plane was not a simple two seat bush plane, but ten seat corporate jet. It was a very pleasant flight. 

We got to the airport in Boise in no time. Carlisle and Esme met us at the hangar with the Mercedes. Edward sat in the front with Carlisle so that I could catch up with Esme about her current projects at the house. Edward told Carlisle briefly about what we'd been doing, and how my desensitization to humans was coming, but most of the time he was silent as Carlisle just thought about what he was telling Edward.

It didn't take long to reach the house just north of Idaho City. Forks looked like a bustling metropolis compared to the tiny town, and in a blink we had passed through the town proper. Just like in Alaska, the roads we followed kept getting smaller and smaller until we reached the house.

The Idaho City house was about as different from the Forks house as it could be. It was a single story rambling ranch, chocolate brown with light trim. I didn't have to ask to know that it also sat on a sizable piece of land. Connected to the house was an eight car garage, which we passed. We followed the drive way as it curved around under a portico to the massive oak front door. Esme escorted me through the front door, explaining the history of the house.

I listened for the others as we entered, but heard no one. "Where is everyone?"

"They are probably out having a snow ball fight." She looked back at Edward, and I could see his eyes light up. I knew we'd be going to find them soon.

The house had two wings, with four rooms on each end. Some were bedrooms with adjoining baths, others were configured for other uses. In the center was a family room with a stone fireplace surrounded by a huge sectional couch, the kitchen and dining room, and a glass enclosed conservatory toward the back. I could see a familiar grand piano in the sun-filled room.

Our room was on the south end. As we approached the door, I assumed that I would find the same black and gold modern motif that had been in Edward's room in Forks, but I was surprised to find a softer sunflower and ivory combination of colors and a more traditional style of furniture.

I could tell that the cabinets on one wall contained Edward's massive CD collection, but the opposite wall had a smaller set of bookshelves, most of which were full of old books. "Well, this is unexpected," I said as Edward closed the door behind him.

"You were expecting the same look as Washington?" So much for not reading my mind.

"Well, yes, actually. You've lived here before, I would have thought there would be some similarity. This is more like what I would have picked." I paused, then turned to look at him suspiciously.

Edward tried to look innocent, "Really." I held my hands up and starting walking toward him, threatening to pick the thoughts out of his brain myself. He raised both hands in surrender, then scooped me up and kissed me. _I had hoped it would be what you would like. I asked Esme to do a little redecorating before we got here. I don't think black suits me any more._ He twirled me around, and we fell on the bed together. As he kissed me again, I could hear thoughts of snow balls and laughing float through his head. I pushed him off me.

"Let's get unpacked so you can go play." I tried to get up, but he pulled me back down.

"Will you come play, too?" I rolled my eyes, teasing him. "_Please_…" He pouted.

"Alright already." I tried to sound resigned, but his enthusiasm was catching.

As we settled in, I got a chance to peruse the shelves of books. "Are these all yours?"

"Yes, it is really nothing compared to what Carlisle has. It'll be nice to have a bigger collection to choose from, won't it?" He watched as I inspected the titles more carefully.

"Were these selected for my benefit, too?" I found several of my favorites, along with others that I would have to read while I was here.

"Actually, no. Since Carlisle has so many books, I don't own many myself. This is my, well now our, whole collection. I only buy the ones I really like." His voice was matter of fact.

"We definitely have the same taste in books then. You sure I can't just stay here and find…" My sentence ended when he threw me over his shoulder and raced out the door. We were outside by the time he answered.

"No, I don't think so!" Excitement was obvious in Edward's voice.

"Put me down!" I started grabbing Edward around the waist. Were vampires ticklish?

"Hey" Edward cackled. Apparently so. He then proceeded to flip me into the nearest snow bank.

"Gee, thanks." I was now upside down on the side of a huge pile of snow, staring at Edward's ankles. He turned around to admire his handiwork, and I grabbed a handful of snow and aimed at his head. He ducked, laughing.

"You're right, this is no fun." The happiness in his voice sounded like music. It was only a second before his laughter was echoing off the trees around us. I couldn't help but join in. I caught my breath before he did and spied another snow bank behind him. An idea came to mind, but I wasn't sure I could do it. What the heck.

I reached my hands down toward the ground and quickly pulled my legs forward, hoping to flip out of the snow bank. As my feet came over the top and were nearly level with Edward's chest I pushed myself hard off the ground toward him. I flew, feet first, directly at him, and before he could react, I had pushed him two feet deep into his own snow drift. I ended up on the ground in a semi-push up, and jumped up quickly. Edward was bewildered for a moment, then realized what happened. I laughed then, and he finally joined in.

"No fun at all." I was still chuckling as I offered him my hand. "You okay?"

"Yes, of course," he said, chagrinned, but smiling, as he jumped up out of the snow. His voice changed quickly though. "That was quite a move for a former klutz. How'd you come up with that?" Edward put his arm around me and we started walking toward the snow ball fight in the distance.

"I did take physics you know." I pinched his side, hoping for the same ticklish reaction and was rewarded when he flinched. "I also was reading about some gymnastic moves on the internet the other day. You never told me you were ticklish."

"It's a closely guarded secret." He looked semi-seriously at me. We had reached the playing field now and stopped. There were two forts set up about a quarter mile apart and snow balls the size of basketballs were flying both directions.

"I guess we'll have to split up." Edward was already heading for Emmett's team.

I had an idea then, and pulled him back. As Edward turned, I flew past him to Emmett's team. "You snooze, you loose," I yelled as I dove into the fort.

Emmett took one look at me and started laughing immediately. "Rose, look what I found, someone to make snow balls for us." Emmett grabbed a pile of snow, intending to bury me in it. I quickly rolled and kicked his feet out so when he fell, the snow landed on top of him. His laugh stopped for a split second, but then was so loud it shook the snow from the trees around us.

"Thanks for volunteering Emmett," I laughed. I looked up to see Rosalie glaring down at me.

"We wanted Edward on our team. He never gets hit." She frowned at the thought.

"Why not?" I asked innocently.

"His nosy mind reading always tips him off, of course!" Rosalie was getting upset.

"Settle down, Rose, it's supposed to be fun." Emmett's voice was calming.

"How would you like to negate his nosy mind?" I gave Rosalie a wry smile and held out my hand.

She looked at me, confused. Emmett chimed in. "This is your trick, right? What did Carlisle say – Edward can't read anyone touching you?" His smile grew wider.

I was still looking at Rosalie. "Yup. He won't be able to read you at all. How big of a snow ball can you throw, Rosalie?"

The corners of Rosalie's mouth started turning up after a moment. She then made a huge snow ball. "How does this work?"

"I just have to touch your skin somewhere. Try it." I was already lying in the snow so I slid my hand under the hem of her jeans and held her ankle. She peeked over the fort, and as soon as she saw Edward she threw the gigantic snow ball hard. I resisted the urge to peek over myself, but I didn't have to wait long. I could hear Edward's surprised yell and couldn't help giggling.

"YES!" She screamed. "I've waited seventy years to hit that brat with a snow ball. Bella, grab Emmett too." She looked at her mate. "Let's get him!"

The fight went on for about a half an hour, with Edward being my team's primary target. I mostly helped Rosalie and Emmett pummel my husband, but got in a few licks, too. In the end, the other team rushed our fort, and we all ended up in one big, snowy pile, laughing heartily.

Edward caught me up as we untangled ourselves and held his cheek to mine. _You made quite an impression on her, you know._ I caught Rosalie looking my way. I smiled, and was happy to see a smile, not a grimace in return.


	13. Strength

**13. Strength**

That evening we congregated in the house, comfortably sharing stories and each other's company. Edward played some of his new compositions on his grand piano, captivating everyone. Jasper and Carlisle played chess, Emmett and Rosalie relaxed watching the fire. Alice was trying to talk Esme and me into going shopping with her, but luckily Esme was on my side.

Edward finished his song and won a round of quiet applause. He came and sat by me. He was rubbing my back, listening to Alice's arguments, when he interrupted.

"I just remembered, Bella, you promised to do something for me." I looked at him quizzically. I couldn't think of any promise I hadn't fulfilled. "You promised to arm wrestle Emmett after you joined us…" His voice trailed off and his eyes twinkled with glee. I rolled my eyes, but it was too late.

"Arm wrestle me, eh? I don't know, I don't want to hurt such a delicate young thing." Emmett taunted.

"Delicate huh? I seem to remember that she already took you down once today…" Rosalie's defense surprised me.

All eyes were on me. Alice's face looked a little troubled, though. "I don't know. I don't want make you feel bad." I wasn't sure this was a good idea.

Rosalie looked at Edward, her eyes crinkled in thought. "Your car could use a tune up. I bet the new high performance Volvo engine would fit in your car." Her eyes turned eager.

Edward looked at her, reading what she wanted from him in her mind. "It's a bet. Let's go." Edward grabbed my hand and dragged me to the dining room table. I tried to protest, but no one would hear of it. Emmett was making a show of his overly developed arm muscles. My brain was telling me that this was a bad idea, but I didn't know why. I sighed.

Edward escorted me to one chair, and Emmett sat across the corner from me. Edward helped us lock our hands together; Emmett's hand wrapped all the way around mine. "Nervous, Bella? You're shaking." Emmett's eyebrows went up. "Don't worry, this'll be over quick." He smiled, but bared his teeth just slightly.

As I looked in his eyes I could see the friendly, bear hug Emmett slip from view. He was all business now, his only thought on channeling all his strength into his arm. We slowly started pushing against each other while Edward held our hands. _You can do it, Bella. Give him all you've got. Don't be afraid. Trust me_. Edward's thoughts slid through my brain, drowning out all the others. Our hands were starting to strain, and Edward let go.

I glared in Emmett's eyes, and ground my teeth together. He pushed harder and harder, but I held him back. As he started to push my hand over, he grinned, and a growl escaped his lips. Without thinking, I squeezed his hand tighter, starting to feel his strength flow through my fingers. I pushed his hand back up to center.

We were both growling now, mine growing more vicious by the second. His eyes darkly bore into me. "Never," he spat. That's when I lost control.

With one loud roar I summoned all the strength from both of us and slammed his hand down. The table exploded beneath us and I reached up and put my other hand around his throat. That's when I heard him scream.

The sound, coming from such a big man as Emmett was unnatural, and it froze me. His eyes were wracked with pain. In that split second Edward jumped between us, pushing me back. "STOP! Calm down, Bella. It's over." The tone of his words confused me – they were full of fear. I took a breath and closed my eyes. Then I realized that my other hand wasn't empty. I looked down to see Emmett's right hand still in mine, with no arm attached.

My mouth opened in horror as I dropped his hand and started backing away. "No, no, no, no. I didn't. Emmett. _No_." The shock rendered me incoherent. I looked up at Edward. He had his hands on my shoulders and his face was still fearful, but composed.

"It's okay. Relax Bella." His voice was calmer, now, and worried.

"No. I can't. Emmett," I looked at the faces around the room, panicking. "I'm so sorry." I wanted to run, and started pulling away from Edward. I had to get away so I couldn't hurt anyone else, but Edward wrapped his arms around me and wouldn't let go. "Please, please, let me go. I don't want to hurt you, too… _Please,_" I begged him.

"No. You have to stay." Edward's voice was commanding. I struggled, trying to break free without injuring him. Just as I could feel his grip slipping another set of arms wrapped around me too, holding me, trapping me. I kept struggling.

"Bella, relax. It'll be alright." Jasper's voice was very calm, and I could tell he was trying to impress that emotion on me. He didn't seem to affect me nearly as strongly as when I was human, though.

I felt him reach under my hair and put his hand on the back of my neck, strengthening his emotional control. "You can feel how calm I am Bella, please don't fight me." As he spoke I could feel our emotions connecting, mine terrified, and his calm, soothing. I tried to resist the connection, still struggling weakly.

Edward now found my hand. _Don't fight him, Bella. Emmett will be okay. Relax. Watch_. Between Edward's thoughts and Jasper's feelings I couldn't fight anymore. Defeated, I put my head on Edward's shoulder, wishing I could cry.

"It's okay Bella, relax. See?" Emmett's calm voice drew my head up. Edward turned so I could see my brother pick up his now wiggling hand off the floor and hold it against the end of his arm for a minute. He grimaced when the two parts touched, and suddenly the skin from both parts reached out and connected. He looked at me with a weak smile. "No problem, really." _And you thought werewolves healed fast_. Edward nodded and Jasper released me. Edward's arms were still tight around me, though. Rosalie was glaring at me again, all the progress of today now undone.

"I'm sorry," I told her. I couldn't bring myself to look at Esme, her beautiful table was completely destroyed. I started to pull at Edward again, but without the earlier urgency. "_Please_ let me leave." I begged Edward. I couldn't bear to look in their faces any more, reminding me of what I'd done; what I was.

He still held me very tightly and took me back to our room. We sat on the bed, and he finally released me. I immediately curled up into a ball, shutting myself down. All I could think about was that I was truly a monster. I had to get away somehow.

Edward wrapped himself around me and started stroking my hair. "Bella, tell me what you're thinking." His nonchalance irritated me.

"What do you think I'm thinking? I just tore my brother's hand off and was about to go for his head. I'm a monster." I was shouting into my legs.

He stroked my hair for a minute more, then let go of me. "Don't move, I'll be right back." Even my husband was afraid of me. My heart broke, and the urge to run strengthened. I began to think about where I could go, away from humans and vampires alike. Antarctica was starting to look pretty good.

Someone else now sat on the bed next to me, and I could tell from the scent that it was Rosalie. She carefully put her hands on mine as I buried my face deeper against my knees. She was the last person I expected here, and the last person I wanted to talk to. "Come to rip my head off for me?" I almost wished she would.

"No, not today." Her voice was flat. "So now you know what you are."

"I see, you are here to cheer me up." I didn't even try to hide the sarcasm. "Can we just skip to the 'I told you so' part please. I really should start packing."

"Come on Bella, you know you can't run. Where would you go? You can't hide from Alice the freak, and Edward won't stop searching until he finds you." Her voice was annoyed… and annoying.

"Why exactly are you here, Rosalie? Unlike Edward, I can't read your mind." I was done bantering.

"He can't read it now, either, can he?" She stroked one of my hands. "As much as I might enjoy making you feel worse, I actually came to forgive you."

"Why? I just mangled your husband. You don't even like me." My anger was colored with confusion.

"That wasn't the first time he's been in pieces, and I doubt it will be the last." Her voice was matter of fact. "If I had the chance to do it to your husband I probably would. It really wasn't that big of a deal, Bella, not to Emmett, not to me. I actually enjoyed seeing you lose control. It made you less perfect, more _vampire_."

I could not see where she was going with this. "This transition has been way too easy for you, and it's been really irritating to hear about. It is good to see you struggle with it." I could hear the satisfaction in Rosalie's voice.

"I'm sorry I've made your life so miserable." How could I have been defending her to Edward? "Maybe you'll feel better if I go out and slaughter the paper boy. He should be here soon." I could taste the acid in my words.

"As much fun as that would be, I would rather that you just get a grip and accept what you are now." The annoyance was back. "You _chose_ this life, remember? Part of being a vampire is that you _are_ a monster. And as much as I hate to admit it, I am starting to see that that is what you were meant to be." Her tone made me imagine a scowl on her face, but I didn't care enough to check.

"Nice. I'm meant to be a monster." My brain was starting to hurt trying to follow Rosalie's logic.

"Come on Bella, you know what I mean. I know I'm not the smooth talker that Edward is, but I'm not an idiot, and neither are you. Maybe it's because of Edward, or just something in your make up, but I think you were always meant to be a vampire. I think that's why you've matured so fast. So you have to get over this little setback and keep moving forward. It really is a _little_ setback. Trying to fight what you are now just makes life hard for all of us. You didn't kill anyone you know." Was that regret I heard?

"Not yet." My voice was quiet now.

"If I can live this long without tasting human blood, it should be a snap for you, Bella. You are a much better vampire than I am." I finally lifted my head, confused.

"Are you complimenting me?" The sarcasm was gone. I was truly curious.

"Didn't expect that, did you. Kind of surprised myself, actually." She shrugged, and gave her gorgeous hair a shake. "One last surprise before I leave you to… whatever." She waved her hand casually at the room. "Thanks for giving me a chance to block your nosy husband's mind reading for once. I can't tell you what a relief that is. Do you think you can let me have more of that in the future?" Sincerity laced Rosalie's voice. I looked in her eyes.

"Sure, Rosalie, any time." I was still absorbing this new turn in our relationship. "And thanks."

"No problem. I'm still not sure I like you yet…" She half smiled and headed to the door.

"That's okay." I set my chin on my knees, stunned. I was still trying to sort out our confusing conversation when Edward came back in.

"Do you feel better or worse after your little pep talk?" Edward casually started rubbing my back.

"I think I feel better. Rosalie is very… complicated in her own way." I took a deep breath. "Were you listening?" I tapped my ear, not my temple.

"Yes, I was. Rosalie's thoughts were unfocused before she touched you, so I couldn't tell if she really wanted to help you or not. I must say that I enjoyed your sarcasm immensely." He smirked. "The paper boy…"

I looked into his dark ochre eyes, ignoring his comment. "I'm sorry that I tried to run from you. I was just so afraid that I would hurt you, too. You were so scared."

Edward immediately pulled me to him and sealed his mouth to mine. He couldn't think for quite awhile, we were so consumed by the kiss. _I was scared you would leave and that I wouldn't be able to find you. I can't live without you, either_. We parted and he stroked my hair again. "Are you ready to rejoin the world out there?"

"Do I have to?" Embarrassment was starting to creep in now.

"I really think you should. The sooner you can get through Emmett's teasing, the better…for all of us." Edward had already been hearing it.

"Ok, just give me one more minute." I reached for him again, and spent the minute locked to him.

When we came up for air, Edward's eyes were warm. "How about another minute?"

I shook my head. "No, let's go. I think I can _hand-le_ it." I gave Edward a sideways glance and saw his hand over his mouth. I turned to look him in the eye, and laughed with him.

When I came back in, everyone was too casual in their attempt to ignore me. The table had already been swept away, and the chairs rearranged to form an informal conversation area. I spied Emmett on the couch looking at a map, and went to sit next to him. "Need a _hand_ with that?" I watched Emmett's serious face carefully.

Edward snorted so loud the windows shook, and Emmett's face immediately broke into laughter. The rest of the room soon followed. He reached over and hugged me. The friendly bear was back.

"I'm really sorry about hurting you, Emmett." My heart ached.

"No problem, Bella. I'd give my right hand to keep you around." He chuckled. "How about a rematch?" I saw Edward's head snap in my direction at the words.

"I don't think so. I know that I'll beat you every time." I said matter-of-factly.

"Really, every time, huh." Emmett sensed a challenge, but there wasn't one.

"Yes. You know how I can share people's talent, right?"

"Yes…" He drew the word out, trying to see.

"Your talent is strength, Emmett. Every time you touch me, I absorb your strength and add it to my own. I'll win, every single time, even long after I'm a newborn."

No more arm wrestling for me. I glanced at Edward and saw a smile spread across his face.

"We could wear gloves…" He smiled sweetly.

"No thanks. I like _my_ hands right where they are." I gave him a hug back.

Edward slid next to me, and I moved over to snuggle on his shoulder and watch the fire. I wondered how long it took him to get used to his new life, so long ago. I started tracing his hand, listening to his mind work on another composition. Everyone else's thoughts were a quiet buzz in the background. He closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation of my touch. As I watched the flames dance, one of the murmurs quickly turned into a yell. I grabbed Edward's hand as he sat up straight and peered at Alice.

She was stock still, her face frozen. We could now see Volterra appear in her vision. We were in a different room than the one I remembered; this was more like a throne room, draped in red curtains all around. Caius became the center of the vision. He was speaking to a short, cloaked figure.

"It is time to act. Aro was wrong to let her leave alive. Find her. If her heart is not still, make it so. We don't give second chances." The cloaked figure turned, and I already knew who it would be. Jane flashed a glance at Felix, standing nearby. His face was ecstatic at the thought of killing me.

"And if she _has_ become one of us?" She didn't hide the fact that she hoped I was still human.

"Invite her here. Aro seems to think she is special. If so, we need to know how, and if she intends to stay with Carlisle. If his coven is still growing, we will have to take further action."

The vision faded. Alice looked at me, but I turned to Carlisle. My voice was full of dread. "Oh no…"


	14. Strategy

**14. Strategy**

Thanksgiving had ceased to be a holiday. We spent the rest of the night analyzing every detail of Alice's vision. She had been able to identify when Jane and her contingent would be arriving, two days later. Discussion ranged from separating the family and going different directions to confronting the Volturi together straight away. In the end, Carlisle decided we should stay together in Idaho and wait for Jane's visit and see what would result from it.

I learned that the Cullens usually went on a big family hunt into the remotest parts of the northern Rockies over Thanksgiving, but those plans were now on hold. Hunting was limited to short trips close to home. Everyone made it back well fed the evening before Jane was to arrive. Alice saw her arriving early the next morning, just before dawn.

We were again gathered around the fire in the family room, but no one was relaxing. Alice was concentrating on the future; Edward was engaged with Jasper discussing strategies if we came to blows with Jane and her contingent. Alice saw Jane bringing even more backup with her this time, six cloaked figures followed her in the future. She could see Felix and Demetri under two of the hoods. Edward recognized two of the other figures, with similar talents of strength, but the other two vampires seemed to be new to the guard. Their talents were a mystery.

I was staring at the fire, thinking about facing Jane again. I was remembering Caius' comment about finding out about my talents as I looked up at Carlisle, who was also lost in thought. "Carlisle, can I interrupt you?"

Carlisle looked up and at me. He smiled, but his eyes still held concern. "Bella, your thoughts always intrigue me. I never consider them an interruption." His voice was friendly. "Please…" He invited.

I smiled back, flattered. "I was thinking about when we meet Jane, specifically how much I can hide from her, and what I won't be able to." My memory of Jane's torture of Edward was still very strong, and I wasn't going to let that happen again.

"Definitely a topic of concern." Carlisle's voice was serious. As he waited for me to continue, I heard Edward and Jasper's conversation stop.

"I think that the fact that I can absorb another's talents might be concealed, as long as things don't get out of hand." I paused. Carlisle nodded. I felt Edward's hand on my shoulder. "And I know she will use her ability on me again."

"You aren't worried about that, are you?" Edward gave my shoulder a squeeze as he joined the conversation.

"No, I'm not. I'm worried about what she will do if she thinks that we are concealing information from her. I can't let her torture any of you." I tried to be clinical, but I could tell my emotions were bleeding through my words.

Carlisle turned to the fire again, thinking. "That is one possible scenario. Unless one of her new comrades can sense a lie, though, I can't see how she would be able to tell that there was something special about you, Bella."

"Demetri will be able to tell." My voice was somber.

Edward answered immediately. "Demetri… he's a tracker, Bella. And since he can't sense you, he doesn't know anything about you." He thought he was pointing out the obvious.

"Exactly. Since he can't track me, how do you think they will find us?" I knew that he needed to figure this out himself for it to really sink in.

"He will track you, Edward." Jasper's voice was quiet. He knew where I was going.

I looked up at Edward behind me, and I could see he was trying to see the point. "He'll track you, until I touch you." I turned to stare at Carlisle as I reached up and put my hand on Edward's. Carlisle didn't move, but I could hear his thoughts. _And you will not let go of him, will you, so that you can protect him. I would ask you to do nothing less, Bella._

Edward's voice was harsh. "Demetri won't understand what it means, Bella, he is not that smart."

I let go of Edward's hand as he and Carlisle continued to argue in my mind and waved my hand trying to silence them. My voice was even. "If Jane suspects that I can protect others from her talent, then she will try and test that theory. You will be her first target, Edward."

Edward's voice was tight, suspecting that I had a plan in mind that he wouldn't approve of. "That is a reasonable assumption. So she learns that you can protect me. That is not so bad."

"But she won't know how it works, Edward. If you were Jane, what would you do next?" I looked down as I waited for the answer.

Again, Jasper spoke. I could hear fear mixed with anger in his voice. "She'll try to hurt all of us. Starting with…" His voice tailed off. I looked over at Alice, who had been silent, and she was staring at Jasper, her eyes wide.

"Alice." I finished. Jasper moved to sit next to Alice and stare into her eyes. Edward's grip on my shoulder tightened as I turned away from their intimacy.

"What if we just told her the truth about Bella?" Esme found another possibility.

Alice closed her eyes again. I put my hand on Edward's again, listening to her vision. Jane's face appeared again. Anger colored her lovely face. A fight ensued, and body parts were flying everywhere. The image changed to a column of purple smoke. No one was in sight. The vision ended, thankfully. Alice was still frozen, unable to speak.

Edward spoke for her. "Someone dies." His voice was empty.

No one moved for a long time, thinking. Carlisle was coming to the realization that it appeared the situation could only end in a fight. He finally looked at Jasper. "What do you think our chances would be?" His voice was dark.

"Not good." Jasper's eyes didn't leave Alice's as he answered.

Edward's mind was racing so fast I couldn't make sense of his thoughts. "If we can get Bella close enough to touch Jane, the odds would change in our favor…" His voice was calculating.

Jasper was shaking his head. He knew the guard would not allow that. There was another option, but I hesitated. Carlisle was watching me now. "Bella, what is your idea?"

"I have another option, but I need to talk to Edward first. Can you excuse us for a moment?" He nodded, and Edward silently took my arm and led me out the front door. Outside he began to run, and I followed him until we were miles away. When we stopped I looked in his eyes. "Can you still hear them?"

"Not well, and I am not trying." He put his hands on my face. His eyes were steel. _Does this plan of yours involve you doing something without me? If so, you can forget it_.

"No it doesn't. It is actually the opposite." Edward's face relaxed minutely. "I propose that only you and me go to meet Jane, and that the rest of the family stay away."

I watched Edward closely as the words sunk in. He let go of me and started to pace slowly in front of me, thinking. His expression didn't change. "Please tell me what you are thinking." I asked, wondering what modifications he was making to my idea. He began to think out loud.

"We could not touch each other until Demetri was close enough to find us, probably within sight of us." He walked through the scenario. "He would know then that you could block him. Jane will definitely test that…" Edward's voice turned cold. "But you'll protect me." His voice grew stronger. "I can't think of how they could figure out that you could share my talent. Even if we slipped up they would attribute that to our bond."

"And the only ones in jeopardy would be us." I didn't like putting him in danger, but there was no way that we would be apart.

Edward seemed to be accepting my idea. "If things got bad, we could try and get to Jane. You could fend off any of her strong brutes." He tested that idea in his mind but then shook his head. "No, the better idea would be to run. You can nearly keep up with me, and if we could just get a little ways ahead of them, they wouldn't be able to track us." He turned to me, smiling. "I like it." He put his hands on my face again and kissed me. I pulled him close, not knowing how many more opportunities we would have.

"And if we fail, we die together." I whispered. I wasn't sad. It was the only way I wanted to die. Edward held me tighter, understanding.

Edward looked toward the house. "We should go back. I think Alice has briefed everyone on our decision by now." He smiled and took my hand. _I love you, Bella_.

Back at the house, the mood had shifted slightly. Alice had informed on us, as we'd suspected, and a heated discussion of the possible outcomes had resulted. As we entered, the room became silent again. I noted that Carlisle now looked much worse. I kept hold of Edward's hand, knowing of Carlisle's habit of thinking his conversation to Edward.

Emmett was upset at being left out of the possible fight, but Rosalie next to him was happy to keep him safe. Jasper, still next to Alice looked calmer, now that his love would be out of danger. Alice was trying to see what would happen, but she had a frown on her face because the outcome was unclear. Esme was nearly distraught. Carlisle did not look much better.

This was my idea, so I started, "So Alice filled you in on the plan." Alice looked at me and slowly nodded. I scanned the room, looking to see if there was any other response. No one moved. I looked at Edward, and he held me close. I turned back to the group, focusing on Carlisle. He was staring at the fire again. His eyes were filled with helplessness, like someone backed into a corner.

"Carlisle, this is the best way. It involves the least risk to our family, and has the highest chance of success. And each of us can protect the one thing that is most important to us." Edward kissed the top of my head as I finished.

Carlisle turned to me, fiercely boring into me with is eyes. "Bella, each and every one of you is most important to me. I don't want to lose _any_ of you."

I couldn't reply; Carlisle's love for his family rendered me speechless. Edward recovered first. "Carlisle, you won't lose us. We plan to meet with Jane and that is all. She will learn something about Bella, hopefully not much, and then report back. She will not be able to hurt either one of us." His voice was gently persuasive.

Carlisle was not convinced. He stared at me, then Edward. _She has other ways of coercing the truth out of you_. An image formed in Carlisle's mind of us being surrounded by blacked cloaked figures. They approached us, prepared to tear us apart. Edward abruptly dropped my hand before I could see the end of the thought. Then he flinched, the result of Carlisle's imagination. "If that is the case, we will run. Our scent is all over this area, and with Bella blocking their trackers' abilities they'll never find us. We'll have transportation strategically placed ahead of time." Carlisle continued to glare at Edward, arguing.

I looked around the room, and everyone was looking at us. I decided it was time to get more input. I debated on who to ask first. My eyes settled on Jasper. "Jasper, what do you think?"

I knew that Jasper would see the strategic value in our plan, as well as the advantage of keeping Alice out of harm's way, but I also knew he was deeply loyal to Carlisle. "I think that Bella's plan has merit." He had analyzed the information and made his decision.

"I would add one facet, though. In addition to the getaway car, I would suggest that Alice and I man a decoy vehicle. Since Demetri will be able to sense us, it will confuse them. Alice will see who is coming toward us and ensure our safe getaway." It was clear that Jasper would not be separated from Alice.

I picked up Edward's hand again. Carlisle was imagining us running from the black-clad Volturi guards. I turned my focus on Alice. "Alice, can you see anything?"

Alice closed her eyes and became a statue once more. In her mind I could see Edward and me facing Jane, talking. Her face looked angry. The image flashed to Jane and the guard walking away for a moment, then flashed again to us running through the woods. I was falling behind Edward, and we could hear footsteps fast behind us.

Our minds cleared, and she looked up. "I can't see what Jane will decide. It seems she will either let you go or you will have to run. I can't see beyond that." Carlisle's thoughts were starting another argument, but I ignored him.

"Alice, what did you see before we made our decision to pursue this option?" One look and I knew the argument was over.

Alice's face turned even whiter that it normally was. She looked directly at Esme, then Emmett, then Rosalie, then Jasper, staring at each one solemnly for a second. Then she stared at Carlisle and her look got even sadder. She didn't need to add words.

I saw each of the faces she surveyed in her mind frozen and surrounded by flames, including her own. As Carlisle's dead face came into view, I dropped Edward's hand and buried my face in his chest. Edward's hands shook as he pulled me close. No one could speak for a long time.

Finally Edward found his voice. "I think the plan is set then." His voice still had an edge of shock left from Alice's thoughts. He kissed my head again, getting more control.

We turned to Carlisle. His face was frozen. I could guess that he was still absorbing what Alice had intimated. I looked at Esme then. Our eyes met, and we both knew what had to happen. She touched Carlisle's cheek and he turned to her. His voice was resigned.

"You are right, Bella. Godspeed." He closed his eyes as he held his wife tight.


	15. Words

**15. Words**

The next hours passed quickly. Edward and I went running to add more confusing scents around the meadow where Jane would meet. When we returned it was time for goodbyes. We took turns hugging each other quietly.

Alice was still upset that she couldn't see how this encounter would play out. I hugged her last, my favorite sister, and as we touched I saw her in the future. All I could see was that she was laughing. She was truly happy at that moment. I hugged her tighter. "It'll be okay, Alice. You'll be happy again, I can see that." She looked up into my eyes, and knew that it was true. She brightened slightly at the news.

Emmett and Rosalie left with Carlisle and Esme. "Don't keep us waiting," was all that Rosalie said, but I could hear more than impatience in her voice. Her convertible waited at our rendezvous point, should we be running. Edward and I were alone, now, with less than an hour to go. I took his arm and we walked slowly to the meadow.

We reached our destination and Edward turned to me. "This is truly torture, you know, not being able to touch you." I could see how much he yearned to kiss me in his eyes. I looked away, hugging him instead.

"I know. It won't be long now." I needed something else to think about. "Just talk to me. I need to hear your voice." I squeezed him tightly.

"What do you want me to say?" He was still fighting the urge to touch me.

"Do you remember the first time you saw me? In the cafeteria, before you knew what I smelled like?" The memory came to me easily.

"Yes. I'd been seeing your face in everyone else's heads all day. When I first saw you, I wasn't that impressed." He chuckled. "I had no idea the power you had over me then. But I remember the first time I saw your eyes. They were so much deeper than brown eyes should be." His voice was distant, remembering. "Then I was confused at how you could hide your thoughts from me." He paused. "Tell me what you remember."

"I saw you all at the table, and I remember thinking that you were outsiders, too, like me. As Jessica talked about you, I looked at each of you, noting how you all looked different, but the same, all beautiful. I was trying to decide which of you was more beautiful, Rosalie or you." I smiled up at him. "I couldn't choose. You looked at me, first with curiosity, then frustration. I was embarrassed." That was so long ago.

"Who would have guessed we'd end up here?" He looked in my eyes and smiled.

"Alice…" We both said her name at the same time and laughed, the tension eased for a moment.

It returned quickly as we both heard the sounds of the approaching group. Edward released me so that I could stand at his side and face the oncoming crowd. My arm was in his, waiting for the moment we could hold hands again. I could hear sounds coming from all around us now.

"They are surrounding us." I whispered, not totally surprised.

"Yes. They are confused though, they were expecting the entire Cullen family to be present." Edward's voice was tense. I saw a figure come through the trees, and slid my hand down to Edward's. _I love you. Try not to react to thoughts, only voices._

I squeezed his hand in response, then tried to hear the thoughts around us. Confusion was the predominant thought. I found Jane, she had already ascertained that I was a vampire. _I wonder if he did it._ She thought apathetically. _She still doesn't look like much. We'll see._

I changed focus again, trying to find Demetri. He had circled around and was behind us. He did notice that Edward had disappeared from his mind, but before he could think about it further, Jane spoke.

"This is a surprise. I was expecting more of a welcome, Edward." Jane's tone never changed. I wondered if she cared about anything. I tried to push the hum of everyone's thoughts to the back of my mind.

"Hello Jane. The others aren't far. This doesn't concern them." Edward spoke politely. "You remember Bella." He made no motion toward me. The other vampires formed a loose circle around us, and didn't speak. Felix stood next to Jane and was supremely disappointed that my heart had stopped beating. He didn't wink at me now.

"Ah yes, the source of so much interest. How long have you been one of us, Bella?" The evaluation had begun.

I looked her in the eye. "Almost three months." The less I spoke, the better.

Jane's eyebrows went up. "Three months?" She was expecting closer to six, right after the last time we'd met. "You took your time, didn't you?" She pushed the surprise out of her mind and turned to Edward.

"Who changed her?" Jane's voice didn't show the curiosity of her thoughts.

"I did." Edward's voice was even. He was trying to hear the other vampires, learn about them. I pushed the thoughts out of my head.

Jane imagined Edward's teeth at my throat for a moment, then continued. "Has she shown any talent?" Edward answered right on cue, not rushed, not hesitant.

"A little. I still can't read her, but that is not really surprising." His voice was unconcerned, like he was reading her the newspaper.

Jane smiled, "Yes, that was her talent before." Jane looked at me beatifically and I could now see what she was doing in her mind. She imagined flames all around me. It reminded me of the fire of becoming immortal, but I felt nothing. As she concentrated harder, the flames rose, until she couldn't see my face any more. She finally gave up and sighed, frustrated. "Some things don't change. Have you seen anything else?" She looked at Edward now, scrutinizing his face carefully.

Edward now hesitated. Only I knew the hesitation was deliberate. We had decided that Jane should know that I could protect Edward; Aro wouldn't believe that I had no talent at all. I knew I _would_ protect him, but I hated her for what she was about to do. I squeezed his hand tightly. _Don't worry_, he thought.

"Hmmm." Jane was pleased to have a reason to attack Edward. _He'll scream for me this time…_ Her face changed, and I could now see the fire around Edward in her mind. I had to fight to keep still, not to try and stop her. I clenched my teeth. My mood shifted slightly when I could see her struggling to harm Edward and failing.

Edward's couldn't hide the pride in his voice. "As you can see, there is one other thing that Bella can do now. She can protect me, too."

Jane gave up, and anger crossed her face briefly. "So it would seem. This is interesting. Can you protect others, too, Bella or just him?" _Tell the truth_. Edward's thought was loud in my mind.

"Not just my husband." I stared coldly at her. I could hear Jane scoff at my words in her mind. She could not understand the bond between Edward and me. Felix, next to Jane, did understand. I could hear that he favored Jane. I fought to keep my eyes on Jane, even when Edward's head turned toward Felix. Felix immediately turned his thoughts elsewhere.

Confusion returned to Jane's mind. "With a talent like that, why didn't your family stay? I would have liked to converse with Carlisle again." Jane probed.

"Not everyone in our family is as controlled as we are. We do not want to offend you or any of the Volturi." Edward chose his words carefully.

"I see." Jane thought for moment. I could hear that she was making the decision that Alice couldn't see. Edward was thinking about how we would escape the group to run. His grip on my hand tightened.

Jane decided, and I tried not to react to her choice until she spoke. Her eyes flitted to the group of vampires around us. "Very well. Caius sends his regards, and invites you to come and visit us again." The cloaked vampires moved to Jane's side silently.

"We will consider it." Edward's tone was polite but cool.

"This is not a social invitation, so consider carefully." Jane's tone turned dark. "He wants to evaluate Bella for himself. She still may be worthy of joining us." Her voice was disapproving. I clenched my teeth harder together at the thought of donning a black cloak.

_Calm down, Bella_. Edward whispered in my mind. I tried to relax.

"And if she declines again?" Edward tested. I listened to the group's thoughts brighten at the thought of Caius' anger toward me.

Jane smiled evilly, and for once her voice carried a tone of anticipation. "I wouldn't care to guess at his reaction." Edward's hand shook minutely.

The conversation was over. Jane looked one more time in my eyes, this time evaluating the burnt orange color she found there. She noted it, then looked at Edward one more time. "We'll see you again soon." The apathy returned to Jane's voice. She turned and the group walked away.

Once they were in the trees and we could here them running, Edward pulled me to him and kissed me. _I thought they would never leave._ I could feel the relief washing through him, and wished I could embrace the feeling as completely. I wondered what Alice could see now.

"You should call Carlisle." I tried to sound cheerful, but he could tell I was still worried.

He took out his phone and dialed. As he spoke to Carlisle, he played with my hair. Conversation finished, he put his arm around me and we walked back to the house. "Don't worry, Bella. This will all work out. I can feel it." Edward was very optimistic.

"You can see the future now, too?" I tried to control the sarcasm in my voice.

"Maybe I can." He kissed my hair, and we headed back to the house to rejoin the family.

The mood was completely different now, light and happy. Everyone was gathered around the fire, already starting to plan the big hunting trip, which was now back on. I was the only one that seemed worried about having to go back to Volterra sometime in the future. Although I was dying to touch Alice and see how Jane's report would be received, I didn't.

I stood on the edge of the group, not wanting to ruin everyone's happiness. I stared past them into the fire, trying to push the feeling of dread away. I didn't hear Jasper come and stand next to me.

"Would you like some help with that?" He smiled warmly at me and held out his hand.

"I'm that obvious, am I?" I didn't move.

"No, not to anyone else. Your strategy was brilliant today, Bella. Try and enjoy that victory, not just worry about tomorrow's battles." He put his arm around me.

"I'm starting wonder if the battles ever end." My mood was not improving.

"In many ways they don't. There is always a challenge of some kind in the future – that is what keeps us growing. But if you only focus on the battles, you'll forget to live." As Jasper spoke, it was clear to me how charismatic he must have been as a human. My mood was starting to improve, but I took his hand anyway to speed the process.

"Thank you, Jasper, for everything." I smiled up at him as his feelings of relief and happiness filled me. I looked down at my family, all happy. Jasper gave me a squeeze and let go, I could feel he was anxious to help in the planning.

Edward was in the middle of the group, poring over a map. He could feel my gaze on him, and looked up at me. He mouthed "It's okay" and I smiled back. I felt better, but the voice in my head added: _For now_.


	16. Vacation

**16. Vacation**

The days were passing quickly again, now that the latest crisis had passed. I'd lost track of how many days we'd spent in the wilderness hunting, playing, and relaxing. I actually enjoyed being here, but I couldn't shake the thoughts nagging in my brain.

There were plenty of distractions. The Cullen's annual Thanksgiving camping trip was quite a production, I learned. One of the highlights of the trip was a hunting contest. We each drew the name of an animal out of a hat, then drew numbers to see who would go first. The one who could find their animal in the shortest time won. I drew the big horn sheep. Luckily, Edward showed me the scent, so I had a chance. Jasper won that contest, coming on a black bear in record time. I was happy with my fourth place, behind Edward, of course, and Rosalie.

The games that we played reminded me of grade school, but games like 'tag' were a very different experience when played by vampires. For the first time I could play along with everyone, not the odd one out, the klutz that no one wanted on their team. We even played football in the snow, at least until Carlisle tackled Emmett and he fell on the rock we were using as a ball, crushing it to dust. We laughed so hard…

The last game we played was hide-and-go-seek. Alice didn't get to seek, since she could see where anyone planned to hide. Normally Edward didn't get to seek either, since he could hear everyone's thoughts from miles away, but this time he got to seek me. He didn't seem too excited about being able to, though, and I couldn't see why.

I was third up as seeker, searching for Emmett. He got five minutes to hide, then I could start tracking him. He was easy to follow at first, leaving me a wide trail to follow. Soon the trail became confused, but I was able to discern his false trails from his now well hidden path. It was only a few minutes before I found him in a hole under a very large boulder. Lifting the boulder off of him satisfied every Superman fantasy I'd ever had.

As I was searching for Emmett, I was working out how I would hide from Edward in the back of my mind. By the time it was my turn to hide I had figured out a complex trail including several reversals. At the end I tried to completely hide my true path by jumping from tree top to tree top.

My final hiding place ended up being between two boulders back near the starting point. I dropped between them silently from a tree, without touching anything, hoping that Edward couldn't find me. From my hiding place I could also watch the rest of the family as he searched.

He was already gone by the time I'd found my spot, so I listened and watched. I saw that Alice was sitting down, her face serious and her eyes pinched shut. The minutes ticked off, and I could hear the group taking bets on whether or not Edward could find me.

A few minutes later, Edward reappeared at the starting point, his face worried. "I can't find her." He looked at Alice, but she was concentrating very hard on something, and his face relaxed a bit. He could tell that she was trying to keep him from reading the truth, so he knew I was safe.

I heard Rosalie asking Emmett for her winnings – she had been betting on me. The realization made me smile.

"Alright then, I admit I need help," Edward said, defeated. One of the rules was that you could ask for help, but it cost you. "Jasper, I would like to employ you. What is your price?"

Jasper thought for a moment. I heard Edward groan before Jasper spoke, "This Christmas you will sing 'Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer' for us the best you can, complete with a red nose." I could tell by Edward's reaction that he hated that song.

Everyone in the small clearing cheered, and I nearly gave myself away by laughing. Jasper started into the forest from where Edward had emerged. More minutes ticked by, and I thought I heard Jasper nearby. He was the best tracker in the family, so I doubted I would evade him, especially if he sensed my feelings. The sound suddenly vanished, though, and I saw Jasper appear next to Edward, his face drawn. Edward's expression instantly turned to panic.

"Alice, where is she?" He shouted, and took a step toward her. Jasper flew between them, bearing his teeth at Edward. I knew I had to come out soon or there would be a fight. "Rudolph…" I called quietly.

Everyone immediately turned toward me. Edward appeared fifty feet from my hiding spot, his eyes wildly searching the forest. I thought about teasing again, but I knew that he was on the edge of insanity as it was. I was now starting to understand his hesitancy about playing earlier. I quietly slid from between the rocks humming 'Rudolph'.

Edward moved so fast that he was a blur, even to my enhanced vision. He grabbed me and held me so tightly I had trouble breathing.

"Careful, I'm not indestructible you know." He didn't speak, but relaxed his grip slightly. "It's okay, my love, it's only a game." My voice became soft. I reached up and touched his neck. _Bella, I couldn't find you. I thought I'd lost you. You were so close, but I couldn't find you._

The words kept repeating over and over, the tension pouring off him in waves. I pushed him away just far enough that I could kiss him. I focused all my love into the kiss, trying to calm him. When I could feel the tingle in his spine and in mine we separated.

I stared into his eyes. The fear still hadn't subsided. "I couldn't find you," he finally whispered. His whole body was shaking. This terror was deep in his being, and I could now see that it had been part of him for a long time.

I held his gaze and kept my voice calm and smooth. "Look at me, I'm here. Everything is okay. Take a breath. Can you smell me?" Edward leaned into my hair and took a deep breath slowly. I stroked his cheek and could hear his thoughts were still circling around losing me. "Shhh, I'm here." He was finally starting to get control.

I held him tight and spoke softly in his ear. "Listen to my voice very carefully. I will _never_ hide from you again. _EVER_. I promise." Now I cradled his face in my hands and peered into his eyes, hoping he could hear the conviction in my voice. "I promise, never again…" I repeated, hoping to erase the fear. Finally his eyes started to soften, and his thoughts quieted. He kissed me again, gently this time.

"I'm sorry I overreacted. I was just so afraid… and when Jasper couldn't find you…" The panic was trying to creep back in.

"I know, I really do." I was starting to remember another forest, a lifetime ago, when I was the one searching and the terror was mine. I pushed the memory of that worst day out of my mind. "But it's fine now." I paused, rubbing his back.

"Can you calm down, or should we ask Jasper to help?" I was getting worried that he wouldn't let this go.

Edward finally released me, leaving his hands on my shoulders. I looked into his eyes, repeating my promise in my brain again, hoping that my look was reassuring. He closed his eyes and took another deep breath and let it out slowly. When he opened his eyes again I could see that he was nearly calm.

"I'm sorry." He kept one arm around me as we turned back to the group.

Alice was still in her scrunched up position with Jasper standing protectively over her. I looked into his eyes calmly as we approached, and he finally relaxed. Keeping one eye on Jasper, I slowly moved to Alice's side and touched her shoulder. "It's okay Alice, you can stop now." She immediately relaxed.

"Did you finally come out?" She of course knew that no one would find me.

"Yes." I looked around at the group, they were all starting to relax, now that Edward had calmed down. "Sorry, I didn't mean to upset anyone." I could tell the game was over now.

"I am sorry, too. My actions were inexcusable. Alice and Jasper, can you forgive me?" Edward's voice wavered slightly; he was still recovering from his scare.

"Of course," Alice bubbled. Jasper reached out and shook Edward's hand accepting his apology; Edward looked much calmer then.

Jasper spoke to me next. "Bella, can you tell me how you got over there? I tracked you to the tree top, but then lost you." He was not happy about losing my trail; I could hear frustration in his voice.

"Which tree top?" I asked. I looked up, following the path I took with my eyes, wondering where he'd lost the trail.

I saw his eyes light up at my reaction and he sped off. I could just barely hear him jumping from tree to tree, searching for my trail. He was back in only a few seconds.

"Bella that was ingenious. It would've taken me hours to find you." Jasper was impressed. "Of course, I should have expected nothing less…" He looked at me, and I briefly remembered the last time I had eluded him, as a human, no less.

"You jumped from tree top to tree top?" Edward read the answer in Jasper's mind, thankfully chasing my memories away.

"Yup. And I tried to land at a different height in each tree to confuse you even more. I didn't actually think it was that original. Sorry. I didn't mean to ruin the game." I felt bad now.

Carlisle spoke up. "How long did it take you to come up with that plan?" I still bewildered Carlisle on occasion.

"I started working on my path while I was searching for Emmett. I came up with the tree top thing just as you said 'go'".

As was common when I surprised Carlisle, he just shook his head. We headed back to camp and settled in.

In no time we had a roaring campfire going, and were lounging on large logs we'd placed nearby. Rosalie and Emmett sat farther from the fire, locked together at the lips. The rest of us were relaxed, chatting comfortably. I looked at Edward, but he was just staring at the flames. I looped my arm through his.

"Are you sure you're alright?" I was still worried. When Edward overreacted one way, it was commonly followed by an overreaction the other way. I put my head on his shoulder and waited.

He untangled his arm and put it around me, pulling me close. "Yes, I'm okay. I'm mad at myself for overreacting. I almost attacked Alice." I could hear shame in his voice.

"I know. You do believe me that it will never happen again, right? Not in fun or otherwise…" I watched his face, waiting for him to show me his eyes.

Edward turned to me, and finally I could see that the fear was all gone, for now. "Yes, I believe you. Thank you. I'm alright now." He squeezed me gently and kissed my hair. "I also now truly understand how you felt the day I left you." The pain in his voice was evident as he looked at me. "I'm so sorry for putting you through that."

I looked down, trying to push that memory away again. "That was a life time ago. It'll never happen again, to either one of us," I whispered.

We watched the fire for a long time. I thought about Edward for quite a while, about how he must have suffered when he thought I was dead. I was sorry that he had felt that again. Somehow I knew that his fear of not being able to find me was still lurking somewhere.

Eventually, my thoughts turned away from the evening's events and back to where they always dwelled, on the Volturi. It seemed like I could only get away from them for short periods of time, then they would slink back into my brain. I was beginning to understand that they presented a problem that my brain was trying to solve, whether I wanted it to or not.

Something clicked in my brain then, and I realized that it _was_ a puzzle I was trying to put together. I couldn't make any headway though, because I was missing pieces, and I didn't know what the picture was supposed to be. I needed to sort the pieces I did have.

Edward was finally relaxed and slid down to lean against the log we sat on. I touched his shoulder, "Hey, I'm going to get my notebook, okay?"

He didn't take his eyes from the fire, but reached up and squeezed my hand and nodded. "Hurry back." I ran to our tent and grabbed my book and was back in a blink. With no electricity available I had resorted to old fashioned pen and paper this trip.

I slid down next to Edward's right side. I tried to prop the book away from him slightly, not that it would stop him from reading my notes if he really wanted to. He understood, though, that my writings, electronic or otherwise were off limits unless he was invited to read them. I had let him read one or two things I'd written, but it was really embarrassing for me. It made me feel like I was speaking in front of a crowd in a bikini.

Tonight's exercise wasn't about my self-consciousness though. I knew that he would not be happy that I was obsessing over the Volturi. Hopefully I could tame the obsession by dumping the information out of my brain on to paper.

I doodled in the corner for a moment as I thought about how to start. I remembered my sophomore literature class, back in Phoenix. We analyzed story after story that year, breaking down plot, setting and characters using different charting and writing techniques. Okay, I thought, I'll look at this like a story to be analyzed.

The words flowed freely as I methodically recorded my thoughts on paper. I was so engrossed in my writing, that I didn't notice the sun rising until I felt Edward nuzzling my ear. I quickly shut my book as a shiver went down my spine. "Good morning, love," he breathed.

I inhaled deeply, enjoying the sensation. "Mmmm, morning already?" I looked up into his eyes, and was rewarded with warmth and love. "Are you feeling better now?" He nodded. I smiled back, "I lost track of time. Were you staring at the fire all night?" The night had flown by, and I realized that my notebook was nearly half full already… and that everyone else was gone.

"For a long time, but not all night. I thought a lot about you last night, and about how cunning you are. The next time I need to pull a practical joke, I'm coming to you." He chuckled, and stroked my hair. "Then I started watching you write." I inhaled sharply.

"Not what you wrote…" He added quickly, then pulled my chin up to look in his eyes. "I watched your face. When you write, your expression changes with your thoughts. It's not as revealing as when you used to talk in your sleep, but it is interesting. You were working very hard on something last night, and I could tell when you would get stumped or figure something out. It was fascinating."

Now I was embarrassed, but then smiled warmly. "You do it too, you know, when you are composing. One of my favorite faces is when you frown at something you really don't like. You get a little dimple on your chin when you do that." I pulled him close and kissed the spot, just below his lips. We kissed a while longer, until we heard the others stirring nearby. I looked forward to the time when I could be alone with him again.


	17. Anger Management

**17. Anger Management**

Too soon our vacation ended and we headed back to the house. Since my classes were all online, Edward and I decided to stay in Idaho through the Christmas holidays. Rosalie and Emmett took off for a quick jaunt up to Canada before Christmas – I was sure it was to avoid Alice and her zeal for holiday decorations. I was not so lucky.

Those of us left were recruited into Alice's red and green army. Esme and Jasper went willingly, they were used to her excitement. Carlisle found a way to work nearly twice as much as usual – essentially hiding from her. Edward and I tried to resist, but were drafted, none the less.

Alice divided up the decorating like a general running an invasion. In no time there were so many sparkling decorations all around the house it was hard to see the walls. All that was left was the tree.

The decorating did give me the chance to think about my obsession without distraction. My book was nearly full, loaded with facts and descriptions of every facet of the situation. I could feel that I was on the edge of a breakthrough, but I couldn't quite reach it.

I also knew that I needed more information about the Volturi, and that the only source I had was Carlisle. He would be even more worried about my obsession than Edward would be, I knew. I tried to figure out how to approach him as I arranged a large nativity on the mantle.

I set the figures up in the traditional form, then looked at my handiwork. Something wasn't right. I scanned the pieces again, but nothing was missing. Edward came up behind me.

"You are being a very good sport about this, you know." He slipped his arm around me.

"My mom was big on Christmas decorating, too. I've learned that it is better not to fight a compulsion like that…" I smiled up at him for a moment, then turned back to my display and frowned.

"What's wrong? It looks beautiful," he assured me.

"I don't know, something is in the wrong place, and I can't tell what it is." I continued to frown. It looked just like all the nativities I could remember.

"You have it set up just like tradition states. There is one change I usually make when I set it up, though." He reached up and picked up Joseph. I had put Joseph at the head of the manger, and Mary to the side. Edward moved Joseph so that he was right next to Mary. Edward spoke softly. "I always thought that Joseph and Mary must have been very close to go through so much. No one tends to pay much attention to their relationship, though."

_That's it_. I froze, mouth open as the pieces in my brain snapped together. My eyes stared at the figures again, first to Mary and Joseph, now touching, then over to the three wise men, different, separate, independent. A large part of the puzzle in my mind had just became clear, complete.

"Bella, are you okay?" Edward shook me gently, and I blinked.

"Uh, yeah," I stammered. "I understand now." I was still dazed.

"This isn't about the nativity, is it?" Edward's eyes were bright, recognizing when I had an epiphany.

I shook my head, and it cleared my thoughts. I took a breath. "Sorry, no, it's not. I just figured out something I'd been working on for a long time. I'll be right back."

I could hear Edward laugh as I shot out of the room to retrieve my notebook. I came back out and jumped on the couch. I started to flip through the book, noting the facts that supported my conclusion. When I got to the page where I had started describing the three Volturi 'brothers' I wrote in the margin,

_**Their weakness is their relationship. Power won't be enough to hold them together. Power can be taken away. Our relationship's strength, based on love, will win in the end.**_

Edward slid down next to me, not looking at my notes. "You've been stuck on this for a while, haven't you." He was curious, but not pushy.

I closed the book and set it on the coffee table. "Yes." With a relieved sigh I leaned back into his arms, my eyes closed. "I finally figured it out." I felt warm, like I'd slipped into a hot bath.

"You look so content, so satisfied. I've never seen you like this." I opened my eyes and looked into his. The curiosity was growing in his eyes. "Will you ever tell me what is in that book?"

I knew that I wouldn't be able to hide much longer. "Yes. Now that I've broken through one sticking point, the others may fall into place now. Then I'll tell you. I leaned in and kissed his neck.

We both looked up as General Alice bounced in the room. "Great job with the nativity Bella, it looks fantastic." I looked at Edward and smirked.

Alice ignored us. "I need a few more things so we can decorate the tree. Bella, would you come to town with me to help me find them?" Her eyes pleaded with me.

I thought about her request. I always hesitated approaching humans, but I was slowly getting more comfortable around them. We'd just hunted last night, and I was starting to get a little stir crazy…

"Well, Bella, do you want to go or not?" Alice had no patience.

I looked at Edward, "Want to go?"

Before he could answer Alice chimed in, "He's not invited. Edward, while we're gone you and Carlisle can go get the tree and bring it in. Esme knows which one I want." She peered at him.

I could feel my nerves tingle. I hadn't been around humans without him, so this would be more of a challenge. Still, it did sound like it could be fun, and I was still high on my epiphany. Edward stared into my eyes, concentrating.

"You want to go, don't you?" His eyes read my face like a book. His expression changed and he smiled. "Then go. Have fun." He turned to Alice, more serious. "Be careful and pay attention," he warned her.

"Of course," she whined. She stuck her tongue out at him as I rose to get my shoes and jacket on. "Don't forget the tree…"

We headed out down the road in Alice's yellow Porsche. I tried to push the Volturi out of my mind and focus on the task at hand – not eating any of the townspeople. I watched Alice as she tore up the highway at breakneck speed. "It's too bad you don't like this car." I smiled at her.

Her eyes were bright as she drove. "Yes, too bad." She started to regale me with what she was shopping for, and the list grew longer, the closer to town we got. She jockeyed for a spot in front of the store she'd chosen, then looked at me.

"You'll do fine today, I can see that. But if you feel like you're losing control, you have to tell me, okay? Don't try and do it by yourself." I nodded solemnly, knowing that the warning wasn't just a casual encouragement. "Let's go."

I stepped out of the car into the gray day. I had my scarf and blue glasses on again. A couple walked past, and I prepared myself as their scent wafted toward me. Slowly, my throat started to warm. Alice then took my arm and led me into the store.

It was filled with fake Christmas trees, each one covered in similar ornaments. One tree was covered in soldiers, another in Santas. It was hard to see who was in the store, but I could pick up at least five distinct scents. Alice dragged me toward the back of the store to a display of stars and angels.

"This year, as the newest member of the family, you get to pick what goes on the top of the tree." She waved her hand at the display.

I looked briefly at the stars, but they didn't strike my interest. There was a much larger selection of angels. One looked like a cupid, and it reminded me of a different cherubic face I hated. I continued perusing the display and then found the one. It was a tall, white angel with brown hair. It actually resembled Esme. I handed it to Alice.

"Excellent. Now we need to find you an ornament." Alice was pleased, though she probably already knew which one to get. I looked around at all the trees, not knowing where to start.

"Can you at least point me in the right direction, since you know what I'm going to pick?" I looked down at Alice. My throat was getting warmer as two women shopped only a few feet away from us.

Alice took my hand and led me to the middle of the store to a tree covered in detailed decorations. These ornaments were all about hobbies. They depicted fishing, sewing, cooking, and every sport imaginable. Now I knew what to look for. I finally found an ornament that looked like an open diary with a quill balanced over the words.

As I reached up to pick it off the tree, another one caught my eye. I immediately reached for it as well, a silver grand piano. "Can I get this one for Edward?" He probably had a hundred piano ornaments…

Alice's face lit up as she scooped the ornaments out of my hand. Right then a large man brushed past us with a mumbled 'sorry'. For the first time in my new life, my throat burned with thirst.

I turned as the man moved by; my eyes drawn like a magnet to a bright red scratch on the back of his neck. The smell of his blood was sweeter than any I'd encountered, and my mouth started to water. He turned to look at the decorations next to us.

Alice babbled about another ornament she'd found, but I only heard the rhythm of his heart, matching it with the throbbing I could now see in his throat. _Noooooo_ the voice in my head screamed. I fought desperately to keep my thoughts away from how he would _taste_, but I couldn't stop looking at him.

The man now looked in my eyes with the discomfort of being stared at. When our eyes met, I saw his annoyance turn to terror as he unconsciously felt the danger he was in. The look was like cold water in my face, and I turned away too quickly, ashamed. I heard him gasp, then walk quickly out the door. _I could catch him so easily…_

"We have to hurry, Alice," With wide eyes and fists clenched, my words trembled out of my throat. I swallowed hard. Her face became serious instantly as she dragged me to the cashier, credit card in hand. Luckily there was no one in line, and the cashier was fairly efficient. The two women came to stand behind us, though, waiting to check out, and the burn in my throat got hotter. I looked at Alice, warning her, and she whispered quickly, "Hold your breath."

That helped. The cashier started to offer Alice the day's sale item, but Alice cut her off with a cold "No thank you, we are in a hurry." My fists were still tight, but I was in control for the moment. Finally Alice signed the charge slip and whisked me out the door and into the car.

I finally took a breath, relieved. "Sorry about that, I know you wanted to stay longer."

Alice wasn't upset though. "It's okay Bella, really. I knew you'd do fine. We'll go shopping again soon." She smiled at me.

By the time we hit the highway, I was feeling much better, my thoughts now under control. I looked at Alice, and had an idea. "Would you mind if I peeked while you drive? I have no idea what to get anyone for Christmas."

Alice looked at me. "I know you're not looking for Christmas presents, Bella." She frowned, but slid her sleeve up anyway. "Edward will probably kill me for this…"

"Thanks Alice. Maybe we can go shopping next week…" After a big hunt, I thought to myself. I reached out and touched her arm and relaxed.

I was surprised when I found myself in the old vision I'd seen before of me and Edward in Volterra. It was easier this time, since I couldn't experience the emotions without Jasper's help.

"Let's go eat" future Edward said, just like before. He led me to a large silver and black motorcycle parked in a nearby alley. As we donned helmets, I realized that the black clothes we were wearing were motorcycle leathers. I got on first, the driver, and Edward slid his hands under my jacket so that he was touching my skin.

We pulled out onto the street. It was cloudy, and I waited for two gray SUVs to go ahead of us. We were following them.

I let the vision fade out and looked out the window of the car. We were out of traffic now, nearly home. I closed my eyes one more time, and tried to focus on Aro this time.

I was in the throne room again. I could see Edward, Carlisle and me standing across from Aro, Marcus, and Caius. I saw a hand reach in a bag that Edward was holding and pull out something and show it to Jane. I gasped when I realized it was the head of her brother.

Alice jerked her arm out of my hand at that instant. "Bella, cut it out." I looked at her, confused. She looked irked as she pointed at the armrest on my side. I'd crushed the handhold.

"I'm sorry, Alice. I'll have it repaired for you." I carefully let go of the now twisted pieces of plastic and metal and took a deep breath.

"So what did you see?" She was pulling into the garage at home now.

"I'm not sure. I have to think about it." She glowered at me, wanting more. "As soon as I can explain it I'll tell you, promise."

Alice grabbed her bag and we started for the house. As we approached, I could hear Edward and Carlisle in conversation. Alice grabbed my arm. "Maybe we should wait a bit before we go in."

"Why?" I was sure they'd heard us already. I listened closer.

"Bella, let's go…" Alice pleaded.

_"How long has she been working on this?" _Carlisle asked.I could hear him flip pages in a book.

_"Since the camping trip.__ I had no idea. She's going to be very angry when she comes in." _Edward's voice was scared.

I froze. I'd left my notebook in the family room. _They'd read it._ Embarrassment and anger twisted together inside me and my face grew hard. Alice just sighed, and followed me as I marched toward the house.

As we reached the door Alice looked up at me. Anger was getting the better of embarrassment now. Edward not only read the book but showed Carlisle. I was starting to shake. "Please try not to break anything, Bella. Remember, they love you," Alice said, resigned.

My jaw locked shut as I tried to make my hand open the door. I was not surprised that it opened on its own, revealing my guilty husband. "Bella," his voice was even, wary.

"Edward," I growled through my teeth. For the first time I really understood what it was like having him read my thoughts. I fought to control the shaking in my hands, and shoved them in the pockets of my jeans, shredding the lining in the process. I just stood there on the threshold waiting, glaring.

Alice took the opportunity to disappear into the house.

Edward tried to soften his expression, but was still tense. "Bella, please forgive me and Carlisle. It truly was an accident." He paused to assess my response, but nothing changed.

He continued stiffly. "We were bringing the tree in and the wind blew through the house. All the magazines and books were blown on to the floor. Carlisle and I cleaned them up."

Nothing he'd said excused what I'd heard earlier, so I still didn't move. The frustration of not knowing my thoughts crossed Edward's face.

"Bella, please. Carlisle picked up your book, not knowing what it was. He glanced at the page and it caught his attention. Then he showed it to me." Now Edward's voice started to sound guilty. I pulled my fists out of my pockets and crossed my arms, grinding my teeth.

He spoke quietly, not looking at me. "I recognized what it was. I should have taken it from him and put it away, but I didn't. I'm so sorry Bella." He looked up now, his eyes begging forgiveness. He started to move toward me, but thought better of it.

I was starting to shake all over now. "How could you…" I turned away from him. He'd read my thoughts; he didn't deserve to read my face. My mind was paralyzed with anger… and betrayal.

"Bella, _please come inside_." The terror in Edward's voice distracted me.

"What is this? _Fear_?" I whirled on him, my voice was sharp. "You don't really think that I would try to hurt you, do you?!" My voice shook the house.

"No, Bella, I know that." His voice was soft as a whisper. "Please …don't leave… _Please_." He begged. I realized that he thought I would run and hide from him. The small amount of blood in my system began to boil.

"How _dare_ you think that I would run from you. Where would I go – South America?" Edward grimaced in pain, and for once I didn't care. "I made you a _promise_… If you know what that means." The words flew at him like daggers, and he flinched as each one left my lips.

I'd never felt so angry in my life – as a human or vampire. Everything became a blur as I rushed past a now shocked Edward into the house, coming to an abrupt stop in front of Carlisle. I didn't even try and control the shaking as I held out my hand.

He looked up at me sadly, still holding my notebook. "I'm very sorry, Bella. It was my fault." He gently put the book in my hand. I turned with a snarl and without a thought threw the notebook into the fire. As it left my fingers, I turned and flew to our room. I threw the door shut, shaking the walls of the house again.

Now I stopped, my fists clenched at my side, every muscle tense. I wished that I could let myself lose control and destroy everything in sight, but I knew that I would only regret it later. If I didn't find a release soon though, I was going to explode. What would I have done if I was human?

In a flash I collected what I needed and went into the bathroom, enjoying the slam that door made just as much as the first. I set Edward's boom box next to the sink and threw in the CD I'd grabbed. With the volume cranked up as loud as it would go, I turned the water in the shower on as hot and as hard as possible, then stepped in, not even bothering to take off my clothes.

My eyes closed as I put my fists against the wall. The water quickly soaked my clothes and hair, but the warmth didn't penetrate my stony skin. It didn't matter; the ritual was what I needed. The heavy metal music thundered loudly, and I could feel the base pulsing in my head. I stood still, listening, waiting. The image of my book flying toward the fire flashed through my mind, and I pushed it away, concentrating on the music. I knew that when I was human that this would have worked, and I prayed that it would work now.

The shower was so hot now that I could actually feel it on my skin, and steam was slowly filling the room. The loud music kept me from thinking about more than the water beating down on my scalp. It _was_ working…

I tried to release the tension in my body, starting with my hands. It took me five minutes just to get one fist to open. Eventually I got the other hand open and then worked on my jaw.

I slowly worked through the rest of my body, one part at a time. The last thing I did was open my eyes. I thought for a moment, trying to figure out how long I'd been in here. The water was starting to cool now, along with my anger. I heard the CD end, so I knew it had been over an hour.

I turned off the now cold water and stood in the shower, dripping. Carefully I let myself think about what had happened, testing to see if the anger was truly gone. I inhaled slowly, thinking about what Edward had said earlier. My intention had always been to discuss the information with him, and Carlisle too; I'd just wanted to do it on my terms. Then I remembered the visions I'd had in Alice's car, and wished that I hadn't burned my book.

Thinking about what I'd done with the book reminded me of everything I'd said and done in anger. Edward hadn't meant to hurt me. I was ashamed of the way I had acted, and looking back now I knew it was extreme compared to what had actually happened. I flinched as I remembered the pain in his face at my harsh words. Edward should know that I would forgive him. I hoped he would do the same for me. And Carlisle…

Looking down at my sopping clothes, I remembered that I hadn't bothered to find dry clothes before I came in. I sighed as I realized that my only option was to traipse around in a towel. I hoped Edward wasn't waiting for me on the other side of the door. It would be much easier to face him fully dressed.

I stripped off my wet garments, grabbed the towel and dried off. The towel now became my dress as I stepped out and looked around for my brush. My breath caught in my throat as I surveyed my surroundings. Next to the CD player sat a neatly folded set of clean clothes with a red rose on top. Now I really felt bad for my reaction. I picked up the flower and enjoyed the scent of toffee that lingered on the petals before I started getting dressed.

I slowly opened the door. Edward was sitting on the bed with his hands folded in his lap. He looked terrible. As I stepped into the room, he stood slowly and looked at me. "I'm so sorry, Bella." I knew that if it were possible, tears would have been streaming down his cheeks. His voice broke, "Can you ever forgive me?" He had to look down, he was so overcome.

In less than a second I had my arms around him. "You know that I already have." Edward held me close, his face buried in my damp hair. "I'm sorry that I got so angry at you Edward. I guess I'm prone to overreacting, too." It was killing me to see him so sad.

Disgrace filled his voice. "I'm so ashamed that I thought you might leave me. I _do_ know what your promise means. I will never question it again." Edward took a deep breath. I could tell he was angry at himself.

"I didn't mean to scare you. And for what I said…that was cruel. I lost control. I'm sorry I hurt you like that." He held me tighter. "Can you forgive me?" I whispered.

He loosened his grip on me and held me so he could look in my eyes. Edward looked at me incredulously. "Can I forgive you? Bella you are absurd." He pulled me close again. "You did nothing for me to forgive. You're more than entitled to be angry at me – for so many things." The pain crossed his face again, and now I shared it. "I don't deserve you. I love you so much."

"I love you too." I stroked his hair. "And thank you for the clothes and the flower." We stood together for a long time. Eventually he relaxed and kissed me.

Edward looked in my eyes again, searching. "Are you sure you're not angry any more? It's okay if you are…"

"Yes, I'm sure. You know me. I can't stay angry at anyone very long, especially you." I smiled, and I could see that he believed me. Then I remembered burning my book again and frowned. "I'm actually mad at myself for burning my notes…"

Edward's face brightened suddenly. "Close your eyes."

I looked at him suspiciously, but then closed my eyes. He let go of me and within a few seconds said "Open them."

I looked up at him, and my favorite crooked smile was on his face. In his hands was my notebook, wrapped in a blue ribbon. Only one corner was slightly charred.

As I picked it up, a torrent of emotions swept through me. For a moment the anger did return – I had meant for this to burn, hiding my thoughts forever. I took a deep breath and remembered how idiotic that was, and that by saving my book he'd saved me hours of work recreating it. My anger hadn't changed the obsession that lurked in the back of my mind even now.

I looked up at Edward, "Thank you. I'm glad you saved it." Out of habit I wiped my eye, but tears were a thing of the past.

I reached up and kissed him, our tongues meeting. We both shivered, forgetting everything but each other.

Edward was breathing fast when we finally separated. "You need to thank Carlisle for your book, he picked it out of the fire… but I don't think that kissing him like that is really appropriate." Edward made a face, and I had to laugh. He reached under my hair and stroked my neck.

"I'll try and think of a more appropriate way to thank Carlisle." I set the book down on the end table and wrapped my arms around him. I stared in to his butterscotch eyes for a moment before gently pulling his ear down to my lips.

"…But not until I'm done thanking you," I whispered as I slowly led him toward the bed.


	18. Perceptions

**18. Perceptions**

Carlisle was still on the couch when Edward and I emerged from the bedroom. I had my flower and my book in one arm, and Edward in the other. I could sense that he was still expecting the anger to resurface again, but I knew that it was gone.

As we approached the couch, Carlisle stood formally. "Bella, I would like to apologize again for my intrusion into your privacy. I am very sorry I hurt you." His eyes were sad. I set my things down on the table and hugged him tightly.

"It's alright, Carlisle, really. I forgive you. Can you please forgive me for acting so rudely toward you?" I was still ashamed of my rash behavior – and of snarling at him.

"Bella, you have an amazingly large heart. You have my forgiveness, even though you don't need it." He squeezed me for a second, then we settled on the couch.

"Thank you, also for saving my book. I acted stupidly." I smiled at him, and he smiled knowingly back. I then picked up my book, untied the ribbon around it, and turned to the page where I had described my first Volterra vision. The page filled quickly as I fleshed out the vision with more details. I also added the information about seeing Alec's bodiless head.

After a few minutes of writing down all that I had seen, I closed the book. It was time to forego the secrecy. I rose from the couch and sat on the coffee table so I could face both Carlisle and Edward. I turned to Carlisle first.

Carlisle looked up as I held my notebook out to him, confused.

"I had intended to show this to you, both of you, when I had figured out a few more things, but now that you know what I've been working on, I have some questions for you. And I'm sure you have questions for me." Carlisle took the book carefully from me and looked at Edward.

I held Edward's hand and began. "Please don't take this as an accusation, but how much did you read in my notes?" I needed to know where to start.

Carlisle spoke. "I found your book just before you got home, Bella. It had fallen open to a page where you discuss Aro's personality, and it caught my eye. You're analysis is very accurate, by the way." He turned to that page in the book.

"I asked Edward about it, and he told me that you were working on this alone. He did try and dissuade me from looking any further in the book, Bella, but your observations are so complete, I was drawn in. I didn't read the rest in detail, but I flipped through getting the gist of what you had. It is a very valuable document."

He now flipped through the pages, and I knew why he had moved so fast to save it from the flames. He closed the book. "The only things Edward saw were through my eyes." Carlisle's eyes were still apologizing as he spoke.

Carlisle handed the book to Edward who looked at me. _Are_ _you sure you want me to look at it?_

"Yes. I am to the point that I need more information, and you and Carlisle are the best sources. I would suggest we show it to Jasper as well, when he gets back." I was feeling better about being able to talk about my obsession now.

Edward started reading from the beginning, slowly turning the pages. I let go of his hand so I didn't have to hear him reading. Carlisle turned to me. "Do you mind if I ask you a question or two?"

"Of course not Carlisle." Like he needed to ask…

"Edward said that you started this during the camping trip. I was wondering why?"

"You know that I've been worried about the Volturi since Jane's visit. I tried to push it out of my mind, but my brain has a tendency to hold on to things, especially puzzling things.

"To try and enjoy camping more – which I did, by the way – I figured that if I put my thoughts down on paper, they might leave my brain alone. It did work, for a while." Then it made things worse…

"Why did you choose to keep this to yourself?" Carlisle looked a little troubled at the question.

"Exactly for the feeling you're having right now. Everyone else was so relaxed, so happy. I could see that the next battle was a ways off, so why worry everyone about it? I could also order my thoughts at a more leisurely pace than if I was discussing it with you. It takes me time to see the whole picture." I saw Edward close the book. He looked like he was going into shock.

"Edward, are you okay?" I looked more closely at him.

He passed the book back to Carlisle who immediately turned to the first page. "Bella, that is quite a piece of work. I'm stunned by its complexity. You've looked at things in ways I never would have." He stared into the fire, absorbing what he'd read.

After a moment, he perked up. "What was the epiphany you had today? How did the nativity help?"

Carlisle also looked up, curious. "I could feel that I was close to understanding something important about the Volturi. When you talked about how close Joseph and Mary must have been, then moved Joseph so he touched Mary, it all clicked. Our family's relationship is so strong that the Volturi can't fight it. I'm not sure they can even truly understand it, including Marcus." I was on a roll now; my epiphanies were powerful stuff.

"Just look at the way _we_ touch, versus the way the Volturi touch. When I want to share your thoughts, or Carlisle's compassion, I hold your hand." I reached out for Carlisle, and he squeezed my hand. "Now think about how Aro touches others, or even Marcus for that matter." I released Carlisle's hand and held mine flat. He barely rested his on mine, just as Aro did. "Our bond is completely different, and much stronger than theirs is, and it is apparent in even the smallest things.

"I also saw the three kings in the nativity, powerful, travelling together, but independent, and realized that describes the Volturi as well. Alice said once that their love of power was what kept the Volturi together. Reduce or remove the power, and you break that bond. Exploiting that weakness is another problem my brain is working on, but I need more information."

I could tell my eyes were sparkling from my little dissertation. It was exciting when the pieces came together. I looked at Edward, but he was frozen in shock, his eyes wide.

"Are you sure you're alright?" I turned to Carlisle, but his eyes were wide, too. "Alright, what's wrong? I know that it is all pretty obsessive of me to have spent all this time working on this, but I think that there is some good stuff there." I was getting defensive. "I really thought I was on to something this morning." I barely stopped myself from putting on a pout.

Carlisle looked at Edward, who shook his head. I stood up and started toward the fireplace. Reliving my epiphany had me wound up.

"Bella, don't go, please." Edward's voice was urgent. He blinked several times. "We are just shocked. Remember when I said your perception was remarkable?" I nodded. "That was a gross understatement."

I let his words sink in. I could feel the smile growing on my face, and the feeling of success I had this morning return. I plopped back down next to Edward.

"Now I understand the expression you have. It is the same one as this morning." He smiled at me.

"It is kind of a high when I get to the place where I understand." I looked at Carlisle, expecting him to be shaking his head again, and I wasn't disappointed.

* * *

We spent the rest of the evening discussing my notes. I filled in more information on the Volturi as Carlisle remembered the time he had spent with them centuries ago.

Carlisle was a fantastic storyteller and the time flew by. Luckily Edward had another notebook handy; this one was now full. The character of each of the Volturi was beginning to come into sharp focus now.

In addition to Aro's talent for mind reading, his insatiable curiosity led him to become the Volturi's historian. I could only imagine the amount of information that was stored in his mind… He also assumed the roll of leader of the group.

Caius didn't have a specific talent that either Edward of Carlisle knew about. As we talked we decided that he would best be described as the prosecutor in the Volturi's court. It was obvious that he had been eager to punish us when Edward and I faced him. Aro fell then into the roll of judge.

As we began to discuss Marcus, Edward watched me carefully. Apparently the two Volturi 'sisters' were actually the mates of Aro and Caius, and that there had been a third. Sometime in the past, before Carlisle had met them, Marcus' mate had been killed. Ever since, he had essentially been a zombie, never speaking. Marcus existed but didn't live, letting Aro exploit his talent for identifying relationships.

I shuddered at the story, remembering my own zombie period. Edward held me tight then, erasing the memory. I felt sorry for Marcus.

Jasper came in around midnight and joined us on the couch. He had brought a large book with him to study.

"What are you reading tonight, Jasper?" Edward's voice was casual. He smiled at me while he waited for Jasper to look up from the pages.

Jasper's eyes only wavered for a moment. "Quantum physics," he mumbled.

I raised my eyebrows at Edward, impressed. Edward didn't stop. "How about something a little more challenging?" Edward was almost giggling. Carlisle just smiled watching his sons squabble.

"Edward, I'm busy." Jasper sighed and turned away from his brother. He could feel Edward's playful mood. Edward then took my notebook, flipped it open and slid it on top of Jasper's tome.

"Edward, cut it…" Jasper started. The he saw what was written on the page and stopped. He then set his physics book aside and flipped through mine. "What is this?" He now looked Edward in the eye.

"Bella has been doing some studying as well. We thought you might find it interesting. But if you don't have time…" Edward held out his hand for the book. Jasper rolled his eyes, then closed the notebook and looked at the cover.

"Bella, you wrote this?" Jasper looked at me now. I nodded. I was pleased that Jasper's mood turned serious as he turned back to the notebook. He opened the cover and started reading. At first he read faster than either Carlisle or Edward had, finishing the book in record time. When he got to the last page, I looked up at Carlisle, but he just shook his head and turned back to Jasper.

Jasper closed the book and his eyes for a moment, then turned the book over and began to read it again, much slower this time. Edward took my hand. _Jasper loves to learn. He always reads everything twice, scanning it once then studying it in depth. He'll probably be able to recite it backwards from memory by the time he's done with this reading._

I tried to hear Jasper's mind then, and realized that he was commenting to himself about everything I'd written, agreeing or disagreeing with what was there, or adding more facts. As I heard his thoughts, I grabbed my pen and started making hurried notes on his thoughts in the new notebook. By the time he'd finished I had five more pages of information to assimilate.

He closed his eyes again when he'd finished and thought for awhile before he was ready to discuss anything. When he opened his eyes again, I had a fresh page ready. I let go of Edward's hand so that my mind could stay clear.

"As you can see, Bella put a lot of thought into her analysis." Carlisle said.

"Bella, that is a fascinating document you've created." Jasper said with sincerity. "Part of the Volturi's power is being somewhat indefinable. They try to hide their weaknesses as well as their strengths if possible. These notes are probably the single most comprehensive description of the Volturi outside of Volterra in existence today."

I could hear that he was impressed. I could feel the invisible blush rise in my cheeks. But then I realized what was coming next and got my pen ready.

"Would you mind if I added some of my own thoughts to your document?" Jasper's southern drawl made it sound like he was asking me to dance.

"I'd be delighted." I couldn't help myself. Edward poked me in the side. I was pleased that Jasper took my notes seriously.

Jasper then proceeded to critique my notes page by page. He never opened the book again, he had all the information stored in his head. Most of the critiques were minor. He did add some more on the Volturi though.

I was not happy to learn that, due to Alec, the guard is nearly invincible. Alec, himself, however did not seem to benefit from his own ability. I noted that fact, it must be tie into the vision I had in Alice's car.

There was one thing that I had been wondering about for quite awhile. "Jasper, did Alice ever see what Caius' reaction to Jane's report was?"

"He didn't have much of a reaction. He is a strategist, so it may be months before he has a plan ready that he will commit to." Jasper was thoughtful again. "Alice did see the vision of Alec's head, though. It seems that is a fairly sure thing. I wonder how we do that?"


	19. Humanity

**19. Humanity**

Christmas came and went in a blur for me. We were so busy with holiday activities and with studying the Volturi that I lost track of time again.

I was getting better at human interaction. Alice or Esme took me shopping at least once a week now. By the end of January I'd even made it through a short trip to the mall in Boise. I'd also finished my first semester of online classes at UAS and was starting on the second. Edward was already starting to work on me about Dartmouth in the fall.

Alice had started to see that the Volturi were worrying about us, trying to decide what to do, so that spurred our planning on harder. As a family we decided that we should face the Volturi together. This decision did not seem to change the visions Alice and I had seen in Volterra, so we were encouraged.

As far as what to do once we stood in front of the Volturi, that was mostly Carlisle's responsibility. He was intent on trying to reason with them, on convincing them that we were not a threat. At first he didn't want to take any precautions, just go and talk, but Jasper and Edward convinced him that we needed to neutralize Alec in case the Volturi decided to turn to violence.

The problem of Alec had been a harder one to figure out. It was decided that Edward and I would try to infiltrate the Volturi compound alone to find Alec. Between my ability to hide from inquiring minds and Edward's to read all the rest, it seemed possible. The plan was to disable, well, _disassemble_ Alec, which should neutralize his talent, but not kill him. Unless his parts ended up in flames the Volturi should be able to reassemble him after we'd left.

We decided it was time to try. We all wanted to be free of the threat the Volturi posed.

Carlisle rented another private jet for us to fly to Europe. This time Rosalie would be our pilot, so that Edward could sit with me. We weren't sure how far Demetri's range extended, so as we boarded the plane in Boise Edward took my hand. We planned to stay in physical contact until the end of our trip.

It was eerie preparing for the trip. Edward and I had purchased the exact motorcycle leathers I had seen in the future, as well as matching helmets. We wore the leathers on the flight, saving us the headache of trying to change without breaking contact when we arrived.

One thing I was looking forward to was the ride from the airport to Volterra. The vision of us in the future showed me the motorcycle we would be using. It made perfect sense now, because by sharing a motorcycle it would be easy for Edward and I to stay in physical contact, and the leathers and helmet made it easy to avoid exposure in the sun.

I hadn't planned on ever riding again as a human, but since becoming a vampire, I missed the speed and freedom of a bike. And not having to worry about ending up in the emergency room made it even more appealing. If I could only get Edward to let me drive…

We landed outside of Paris at two in the morning and Rosalie taxied us to the private jet hangar. The hope was that by landing so far from Volterra, the Volturi would not be immediately alarmed if they did sense us. Approaching Volterra 'slowly' by car should also lessen our appearance as a threat as well, giving me and Edward the time needed to accomplish our task ahead of the others.

As Rosalie parked the plane in the large hanger, I could make out several vehicles parked nearby. We collected our gear, and stepped out. Everyone else moved toward two identical, elegant, steel gray SUV's while I pulled Edward toward our ride. I barely noticed the words _Cayenne Turbo_ curled on the lift gates as I passed by. The sleek touring motorcycle was patiently waiting for me. Before Edward could stop me, I had mounted the bike and started familiarizing myself with the controls. I caressed the BMW logo on the gas tank.

"Okay Bella, time to get serious. Hop off so I can drive." Edward tapped me on the shoulder impatiently.

"No way. I'm driving." I could already imagine the road flying under my wheels.

"Bella, you don't know where we're going." As Edward said the words, I could see the map in his mind, and he knew it. "Okay, I've been riding longer than you."

He wasn't going to win this one. "There is no way that you are going to make me sit behind you for hours not even able to see where we are going." For once being short helped me. "I'm driving, period. Your other choice is to stay here."

Edward looked around at his family, but I could tell they were on my side. He finally sighed and slid his helmet on. I took his hand and slid it under the edge of my jacket so he could hold on to my bare waist. _At least there are some benefits to riding in back_ he thought as he slid his hand around my back. He then straddled the bike and slid his other hand under my jacket, too. I shivered at his touch. _Mmmm_

I slipped on my helmet and gloves, hiding all traces of my white skin, then stood the bike up and kicked the stand out of the way. I smiled at how easy it was for me now to lift this huge machine, Edward and all. There was no kick starter on this bike; I simply pressed a button and was instantly rewarded with the engine's powerful hum. I feathered the throttle, tested the brakes, and then put the bike in gear. "Ready?" _Yes, I guess so._

I looked at my family. "See you in Volterra."

"Be safe." Carlisle's voice was solemn.

I hit the gas and enjoyed the sound of burning rubber behind us as we shot out of the hangar.

* * *

Driving through Paris wasn't bad, except for the large number of police officers that seemed to be patrolling so early in the morning. It was good that Edward pointed them out to me – even though I could hear their thoughts I didn't speak French. Finally we made it out to the country and I could push the bike to its limits. 

Even with both of us weighing it down, the bike eagerly responded to every request I made of it. Soon I had pushed the speedometer to its maximum, wishing only that I could get rid of the claustrophobic helmet and feel the wind in my face. We took the turns through the alps so fast and deep that Edward had to squeeze me tightly to hang on. It was fantastic.

I was enjoying the ride so much that I actually forgot why we were taking this trip for awhile. We stopped once for gas once at the border, and Edward got the chance to see in my eyes how much I was enjoying the ride. _I guess letting you drive wasn't such a bad idea after all. You are so beautiful when you are excited._

We made the rest of the trip in record time, since speed limits had quickly become part of my past. It was only nine a.m. when we passed under the Volterra city gate. I slowed down now to blend in with traffic as we approached the castle.

I found a nearby side street, lined with cars, and parked the bike between them. Edward handed me a map which I unfolded in front of me, and then promptly ignored. We then began to listen to the thoughts around us and in the castle.

No one took notice of us. We could smell several of the roaming guard around the outside of the castle, but none came near us. The Volturi were so entrenched here that they didn't bother using vampires to guard their doors. Human security was stationed up to the point where Gianna sat, two floors above us. I noted that she was still alive – and human. A single red-jacketed man stood at the door on the street, just past the fountain.

I could hear Aro and Caius in the castle. Marcus' mind was essentially blank; I shivered as I felt his zombie-like existence. It was too familiar.

_I found him_. Edward's thoughts were loud, getting my attention. I listened to his mind long enough to find Alec for myself. He was in an office, his I assumed. He was talking to someone who I soon recognized as Demetri. Alec dismissed him, and I focused on Demetri's mind now, watching him walk through the castle out to the lobby. His mind was occupied with maintaining security at the castle – he hadn't sensed any of us yet. As he walked, he unknowingly gave us directions to exactly where we wanted to go. _Excellent_ Edward thought. _Are you ready?_

I nodded. "How are we going to get through the front door?" I spoke normally inside my helmet, knowing Edward could hear me just fine. _You are going to dazzle him. Tell him that you need to use the phone_. I could hear the snicker in Edward's thoughts.

We dismounted and left our helmets and gloves on the bike. Fortunately today was a cloudy day in Volterra, so we didn't have to worry about the sun. Edward took out his cell phone and quickly messaged Carlisle of our progress.

I took a deep breath. _You can do this, Bella. You're a vampire now, remember? As beautiful as you are to me, you are twice that to him_. I remembered briefly how Edward would dazzle me in the past, then walked toward the guard.

My throat warmed as his scent drifted toward me, but I pushed the feeling to the back of my mind. There was too much at stake to let my thirst interfere.

"Excuse me, do you speak English?" I smiled sweetly at the guard, locking my eyes on his. I exhaled slowly in his direction. He turned toward me, and once he saw my eyes, I knew I had him.

"Si …pardon me… yes I do. How may I help you?" His voice was weak. He didn't even notice Edward holding my hand.

"May I step in and use your phone? My cell phone battery died and I need to call my mother or she will worry. _Please_?" I leaned closer to the man's face as I begged.

He began to sway, and grabbed the door handle for support. "Uh, of course," he stammered. He then opened the door for me.

"Thank you so much." One more blast of scent for the poor man. He reached for his chest as he leaned against the wall. We disappeared inside. _Wow, I think you nearly gave him a heart attack_.

No one was in the lobby, so I barely whispered, "You used to do that to me on a regular basis."

We moved to the elevators, listening to the floors above us. We got in, and when the doors opened on the second floor we sprinted through the lobby passed Gianna. We stopped just down the hall, listening again. She had no idea we were there.

The castle was empty compared to the last time we were here. Apparently many of the guard were out hunting. Our timing couldn't have been better.

No one else was in the corridor leading to Alec's office. He appeared to be reading a book, a murder mystery. _How appropriate_. Edward's thoughts were laced with irony. Alec was sitting in a large armchair near the single window in the small room, facing sideways to the door, about fifteen feet away.

We had worked on how we would handle Alec for days, and practiced all the scenarios we could think of, including this one. I knew that this was a very straightforward plan. Edward would go as fast as he could and try to take out Alec. If Edward could only hold Alec, then I had to finish him. We would have to break contact to accomplish this, so speed and silence were the primary goals.

We listened for another moment. No one was nearby.

I looked in Edward's eyes, and knew he was counting on me. He had taught me how to behead Alec, I just had to get over my nerves and be ready do it. My strongest fear was that once I'd become the monster who could rip someone's head off, I would never return to being Bella again. She would be gone for good. Edward reassured me. _We can do this, Bella, you'll be fine._ _Are you ready?_

I briefly closed my eyes and tried to let go of the humanity I'd fought so hard to keep. I remembered the feeling I had just before I ripped off Emmett's hand, the monster inside me, and tried to hold on to it. With one last thought of how I hated Jane, I opened my eyes and nodded at Edward, baring my teeth.

He released my hand, opened the door silently and raced inside. I was right behind him, and closed the door, also without a sound. Alec didn't look up until Edward was nearly on top of him. Alec was just able to get his hands up and catch Edward. They were locked in each other's grip. "Now…" he hissed quietly.

In a split second I was behind Alec. I didn't hesitate because I didn't even think. One hand grabbed his hair and the other gripped his shoulder as I sunk my teeth into his neck. I heard the screech as his head tore from his shoulders. I leapt off him with his head in my hand and landed in a crouch; a monster ready for the next kill.

The tall one with the longer brown hair…

A low growl rumbled in my throat as I sashayed to the left, targeting his neck, still in my crouch. One jump and I would have him. Why didn't he move? I took a step toward him. His eyes were on me, boring into my brain. "Bella, get control…" he whispered.

_Bella_… What an odd thing to say… "Breathe, Bella" he hissed.

"Edward?" I heard my voice whisper. Edward was still frozen, with Alec's headless body still in his grasp.

Breathe. I took a breath, slowly. I could feel my mind starting to come back on, pushing the monster away. I closed my eyes. Relax. Control. I straightened up slowly. I took another deep breath and opened my eyes. Edward still hadn't moved. I looked at him, smiled weakly, and nodded to him. Edward slowly let down the body. As he did, I looked down at what was in my hand, and jumped.

I twisted the head around. Alec's eyes were frozen wide, his mouth still open in surprise. The floor seemed to rise as I sank to my knees.

I carefully put Alec's head down. My hands were shaking so hard I had trouble covering my face with them. I thought about what had just happened – what had almost happened. I inhaled loudly a I realized what I'd almost done to Edward.

In a second he was there. He gently pulled my hands from my face, then cradled it in his hands. His eyes were soft, reassuring. _You did it, Bella. I know how hard that was but you did it. It's alright now._

I remembered to whisper. "I almost…" I couldn't finish the sentence and closed my eyes.

Edward pulled me close, his cheek against mine. "I know. You had to let go of yourself to do what you did. I understand." His whispers were soothing, relaxing. He kissed my cheek. "I knew that my Bella would come back though. I never doubted that."

Edward shifted position again, and our lips met. His kiss reaffirmed what he'd said. I could feel his love, his strength in the kiss; how he completed me. I felt whole again. As I took another breath, I could hear new whispers in our thoughts. Our family was nearly here.

His smile became serious. _Are you going to be okay?_ This was only the beginning, I reminded myself, and nodded. He messaged Carlisle that we were ready, and I looked around the room. Alec's body was gone. _They'll be here in five minutes_.

I looked up at Edward. _I took care of the body already_. I looked a little closer, and could see parts and pieces stuck in corners all around the room. We didn't need Alec's headless body wandering around the castle. Another shiver went down my spine.

I shook my head, pushing the memories of what just happened away. There was still much more to come and time was short. I would have to examine my feelings later, if there was a later…

Edward put Alec's head in a satchel he'd brought and flung the strap over his shoulder. We listened for another minute, holding hands again, but no one seemed to have heard our scuffle with Alec. _Are you ready?_ I nodded and he squeezed my hand.

We opened the door, still listening to thoughts and sounds in the building. As we neared the lobby, we heard our family enter.


	20. Resolution

**20. Resolution**

Carlisle led everyone into the lobby and they surrounded Gianna at the desk. Edward and I easily became part of the crowd, unnoticed by the human receptionist. We stepped through the group to the desk.

"Hello again, Gianna." Edward's voice was silky smooth. "We've come to see Aro and his brothers. Are they available?"

Gianna paused, composing herself quickly from Edward's advance. "Are you expected?"

"Informally, yes." Edward smiled.

Gianna looked at the group, counting in her head. Her eyes froze on me, realizing who I was. We could hear her wish to become what I had become, and more than a twinge of jealousy. Edward squeezed my hand. "How would you like to be introduced?" Her professionalism was impeccable.

"We are the Cullen family." Edward slightly emphasized the last word.

She then picked up her phone and pressed a single button. "The Cullen family is here and requests an audience." She had barely replaced the phone when Jane appeared. Carlisle stepped forward to meet her.

Jane took a moment to survey the group. Edward and I could hear her assessing our numbers as well, and comparing us to the guard currently in the throne room. The numbers were slightly in her favor. She decided that her invincible minions would suffice.

"Carlisle, it is good to see you again. We missed you on our last trip west." Her apathetic voice did not match her words.

"My apologies." Carlisle bowed his head slightly.

Jane thought about continuing the conversation, but then changed her mind. She turned on her heel, not bothering to invite us to follow. We did.

She led us toward the gold doors. I remembered the other hidden door near them where the Volturi led their victims and shivered. Thankfully we weren't going in that room today.

Jane held open one of the gold doors and ushered us in. Edward and I followed Carlisle at the head of the group. This time Esme was at the center. The guard around the room tensed as we approached. The Volturi brothers stood as we reached them at the far end of the room. Marcus' face was blank, as always.

"Carlisle, what an unexpected surprise." Aro's voice held sincere pleasure. "It has been too long, my friend."

"Yes, Aro, it has. I see that you are well." Carlisle scanned the other men as he spoke.

"Yes, thank you. And you've brought your entire family. How wonderful." Aro's voice was pleased, but Edward and I knew his thoughts were worried. Caius' thoughts were worse, he was afraid.

It was Caius who spoke next. "Why exactly _did_ you all come to see us today?" His voice did not betray his fear.

"You invited us, Caius, through Jane. You wanted to see Bella, did you not?" Carlisle waved his hand toward me, and Edward and I stepped even with him. I looked at Caius, listening to his mind curse Aro again for letting me live. I had to work to ignore Edward as his mind filled with hate for the white-haired vampire.

"Yes, of course," Aro took over again. "You look wonderful in black, Bella. Has your transition been smooth?" Aro's curiosity was insatiable.

I turned to face him, giving him full view of my eyes. The red was nearly gone, hints of gold now filled them. Aro's thoughts filled with disappointment at the sight. "Thank you, Aro, I am doing very well." I kept my voice even, my expression flat, dismissing his insinuation.

"And I can see that your confidence has grown as well. Wonderful." Aro wondered if my talent had grown since Jane saw me last. His eyes flashed to Edward. "And you are well also Edward?"

"Very well Aro." Edward's voice was cold. "And yes, I was the one who changed her." He answered Aro's thought.

"Impressive. Your control is unequalled, Edward." Aro's thoughts now became greedy. "Which brings us to our invitation. We wish Bella and Edward to join us." His voice was serious now. Refusal was not an option in his mind.

Edward squeezed my hand, preventing me from telling Aro what he could do with his wish.

"Why is their alliance so important to you?" Carlisle inquired smoothly. "They have accepted a peaceful life with my family. Violence is no longer in their nature."

"Violence _is_ the nature of every one of our kind." Caius snapped. "You may suppress that portion of your being Carlisle, but it is still there. Witness what you did last summer." In his thoughts, Caius wanted us all dead. He was terrified of our family.

"That was a situation that required us to defend ourselves. We did not provoke that attack, nor do we provoke you." Carlisle's regret at having to resort to violence was strong.

"But what if you did feel that you needed to defend yourself against us? You have quite an arsenal of power at your finger tips, Carlisle. Too much power." Caius's fear was beginning to leak into his voice now.

Confusion colored Carlisle's words. "What exactly are you saying?"

Aro spoke now. "You have attracted to your family some of the strongest vampires we've seen in centuries. It is too much power to be concentrated in a single coven. The power must be divided." _And added to the Volturi_, Aro's thoughts finished.

Carlisle looked stunned for a moment. We had come to this conclusion already, but I knew that Carlisle was having trouble accepting it. "And if they refuse to join you…" Carlisle said somberly.

"I think you know the answer to that, Carlisle." An evil smile crossed Caius' face. The vampires around us shifted anxiously.

As Carlisle absorbed how our situation had changed, we heard Demetri enter the hall. He strode quickly to Jane and whispered to her.

Edward and I stiffened. Demetri had been sensing us, and realized that he could sense everyone except me and Edward. He was telling Jane of his discovery. He suspected the truth. Her eyes lit up and she stepped toward Carlisle.

"Perhaps they are not as much of a threat as they seem, Caius. It seems that Bella is not as powerful as we thought…" Her gaze was on Carlisle. I quickly reached for his hand, dropping Edward's, and stepped forward. I could see Demetri nod out of the corner of my eye.

"You can't protect them unless you touch them." Jane's smile turned evil.

"True. But that is not all my touch can do." Dropping Carlisle's hand, I reached out and easily caught Jane's, feeling her power. As I imagined the flames around her, she dropped to the floor convulsing and screaming.

"Bella!" Edward cried.

I turned just in time to see Felix step toward me from behind. Felix immediately disappeared in the flames in my mind and fell screaming to the floor. I wanted to see Aro's reaction to my ability, but didn't lift my gaze. Before anyone else could move I snarled, "Call them off, Aro." I still didn't look up though, and Felix' screams continued.

"Bella, that's enough." Carlisle ordered, his face solemn.

I blinked, and the flames vanished. Emmett scooped up Felix before he could escape and held him, his teeth just an inch from Felix's neck.

I forced Jane to her feet in front of me, one arm pinned behind her back. "Try anything and you know what happens." I murmured darkly.

I turned toward the Volturi again, keeping Jane between us. "Do you understand the true nature of my talent yet?" My eyes flashed between Aro and Caius.

"No, they don't, Bella." Edward's voice was even.

All around us, the Volturi guard fidgeted anxiously, waiting for their masters' orders. Caius was defensive now, "You can't attack them all, Bella. Some will die. Your family can't stand against the guard."

Jasper spoke now. "Ah yes, the invincible Volturi guard. Perhaps we should ask Alec about that. Have you seen him lately?" He paused as Aro shot a glance at Caius.

I leaned toward Jane's ear and said, "I've seen him." My voice was cold. I bared my teeth at Aro.

Jasper now reached in Edward's bag and held up what he found there. I turned Jane enough to see her twin brother's head in Jasper's outstretched hand and she screamed.

Desperation now flooded Caius' misty eyes. "Even so, there are so many more guard that you will lose. Why fight? You can all live if Edward and Bella join us."

"We will not join you." Edward's voice was defiant.

Aro turned to Carlisle, "All die rather than join us?"

Carlisle answered evenly, "Yes." As Aro scanned our faces we each answered with a fierce "Yes," and I could feel our strength building. The guard around us shifted uneasily now, their protection gone. Only Alice stayed silent.

Aro turned to her. "Not you, Alice? You are also welcome to join us, along with your mate." His eyes flickered briefly to Jasper.

"No." Alice looked around the room. With Jane and Felix out of commission the odds were nearly even. "You assume we would _all_ die?" she said dangerously. "You assume that _any of_ _us_ would die?" Her voice was steely.

"Yes, you will die." Aro said, trying to sound forceful.

"Wanna bet?" Alice asked, and with an evil smile she stepped forward. Aro's shock was apparent as he shrank back from her extended hand, refusing to read what she saw happening in the future. I could feel my lips curl up in a smirk.

Carlisle spoke softly. "End this now, my friends. We do not seek to harm you, but we will defend ourselves. Do you really want a war?"

Emmett let out a low growl in anticipation and squeezed Felix tighter. Edward produced his silver lighter, letting its flame linger dangerously close to Alec's ear. Jane screamed again, but I held her tightly.

"We do not want a war." Aro said solemnly. He nodded and the guard stepped back and re-formed around Aro and his brothers.

"How do we know that you won't decide to attack us in the future?" Caius' voice was weak.

Carlisle remained calm. "All I can give you is my word, for myself and my family." Carlisle held his hand out to Aro. Aro barely touched it and proceeded to read over 350 years of Carlisle's history. After a moment, Aro stepped back and stared at me, clearly astounded by what Carlisle's mind had told him.

I grimly smiled back at him.

Edward put his hand on my shoulder, and I slowly released Jane and she stood next to Aro, facing Jasper. Her eyes never left Alec's frozen face.

"How do we know you won't change _your_ mind?" Distrust colored Edward's voice as he slowly pocketed his lighter.

"They will give us their word." Carlisle's voice was commanding.

My smile turned ironic as I stepped forward. "I'm afraid they'll have to mean it though." I held my hand out to Aro as I repeated his words from so long ago.

Unbelievably Aro's face got even whiter. He stepped forward slowly and barely touched my hand. I closed my fingers around his and watched terror fill him. He wasn't sure he would get his hand back.

I tried to prepared myself for the onslaught of thousands of years of thoughts. I closed my eyes as the flood of memories washed over me. My breathing became uneven as I tried to let the images and sounds file into my brain, waiting for the one that would verify his statements. Later I could review the myriad of thoughts in my perfect memory. Finally, I heard what I wanted, and opened my eyes.

I didn't release Aro's hand as I turned to Caius. "And do you give your word?" Caius took half a step back as he realized what I was doing.

"Caius is starting to understand your talent, Bella." Edward's voice was smug.

I held out my other hand to Caius. He stared at my fingers for a moment then looked at Aro. Aro's face was resigned as he nodded at his brother. Caius then floated over and took my hand. I experienced the torrent again, but was more prepared this time.

I released Caius' hand and briefly looked at Marcus. He made no indication that he was even aware that we were standing before him. I couldn't bear to read his thoughts so I released Aro's hand.

Both vampires immediately backed away from me, fear still evident in both faces. Marcus' appearance still wore on me, and I turned to Jasper. "May I?" I held my hand out to him.

He looked confused for a moment, but then reached out and placed his free hand in mine. When we touched I could feel everyone's emotions in the room, largely fear and confusion. I could also feel Marcus' profound sadness.

For this one moment, I let my thoughts turn to my own bleak time, and to the one thing that had let me find some kind of life. My thoughts turned to Jacob. As I remembered how he had been my sun during that time I focused on Marcus, trying to share the feeling of comfort that I had found with my friend.

I spoke softly. "Marcus, I understand how you feel." I could feel a small shift in Marcus' feelings, a tiny sense of relief may have touched him. His eyes rose and focused on me for only a second, and we connected for a brief moment. I smiled gently at his solemn face, but his expression didn't change again.

I let go of Jasper's hand, and watched Marcus return immediately to his place of sorrow. At least he felt better for a moment. "Thank you, Jasper." I caught Edward's warm eyes staring at me as I turned to Aro. My face turned dark again.

"I hope that you appreciate that I now know _everything_ you know. It is a weapon I will not hesitate to use, should you ever threaten my family again." I could see Aro flinch at my words.

"I knew you had potential, Bella." Aro finally said. "It is a shame that we will not be able to learn more about you." Even in defeat, curiosity was the core of Aro's being.

"Yes, a shame," I said without feeling. I looked at Carlisle. "Anything else?"

Carlisle looked at Jasper, who tossed Alec's head to Jane. The apathy had been replaced by horror on her face as she gingerly cradled her brother's head in her hands. She looked up at me, but when she saw my hand twitch toward her, she flinched and turned away.

"Goodbye." Carlisle's voice was even, unemotional. There was no response. I took Edward's hand as Carlisle led the rest of our family out. With one final look at Aro, we turned and followed them. We listened to his and Caius' thoughts carefully, looking for any type of betrayal as we walked, but found none.

Once outside, I looked up at Edward and smiled. His eyes were shining. "I wish I could find words to describe how amazing you are." He cradled my cheek in his hand. _Do you have any idea what __effect__ your compassion had on Marcus?_ His thoughts were warm and loving.

"I couldn't bring myself to read his memories because I know the pain he feels. He is so empty. I just wanted to ease his pain, if just for a moment." I looked down, trying not to remember.

"You did that, and more. He felt a connection with you, a bond of sorts. Marcus will remember how you reached out to him for a long time." Edward stroked my hair.

"Just so long as his brothers remember the rest, that'll be fine with me." I smiled up at my husband.

"Don't worry, they will. You make a strong impression wherever you go…" The corners of Edward's mouth turned up as he reached down and kissed me.

It was finally over. As we walked past the fountain he looked at me again. "You look thirsty."

"A little, I guess. I've been thinking about other things…" I smiled.

"The Black Forest is only about 700 kilometers from here – are you interested?" Edward's darkening eyes twinkled with anticipation.

"Okay, but I get to drive," I smirked.

"Let's go eat," he smiled down at me.

I stopped short, stunned. "Wow, talk about déjà vu! I wonder if Alice feels like this all the time when she catches up with the future." I shook my head to clear the uneasy feeling.

Edward immediately pulled me close and our lips met. _Let's get out of here so we can really celebrate_. He then put his hands on my cheeks and kissed my forehead.

"By the way," he whispered as I saw my own eyes pictured in his thoughts. "I think topaz is my favorite color now, too."


	21. Epilogue I: 4 Years Later

**21. Epilogue I – Four Years Later**

Winter in New Hampshire was dark and cold. Not a good time for a graduation ceremony for most people, but perfect for me. I sat in the Dartmouth theater with my classmates, dressed in hunter green robes, listening to nearly the same speech I heard at my high school graduation. That was a life time ago, literally.

As I looked around at the 50 winter graduates of the school of Arts and Sciences, I could pick out each of their heartbeats. I smiled at myself, remembering how I suffered through my first class here, so worried about losing control. The warmth in my throat was just a second thought now. I'd come a long way.

"Isabella Cullen…" At the sound of my name I rose. As I walked to the Dean, I picked out my mother and Phil in the audience, pointing me out to my little half-sister. Next to them was my father, beaming with pride.

If they had suspected that I was not really twenty-three, they hadn't said anything, but they'd had little opportunity to inspect me closely. With some creative hair designs, my favorite blue-tinted glasses, and my matured vocabulary it wasn't too hard to convince them that I was aging.

I bent over as the Dean placed the hood over my head, the symbol of my Masters degree in Comparative Literature. As I straightened up, I looked at another group in the crowd, at my new father and mother. They also beamed with pride, and not only for my collegiate accomplishments. Memories of the past surfaced again of their support in so many things in my new life, and a sincere smile formed on my lips. I knew that they recognized it was just for them.

Finally I stepped across the stage to the Assistant Dean who handed me my diploma. I turned now to the most important person in the audience, my husband. Our eyes met, and for a moment the crowd disappeared. I couldn't hear his thoughts, but I could feel his love. I felt the invisible blush rise in my cheeks, and I knew he could imagine it coloring my face.

As I returned to my seat, I looked forward to the future. Soon it would be time to move again, start anew, in England this time. I was excited for the new experience, but becoming eighteen again will be a challenge. There will be no high school this time, and probably never again, I thought, as I played with my wedding ring. I knew it would never leave my finger.

The ceremony finally ended, and the crowd rose. I didn't bother to turn around, I just waited. Within seconds the scent of rich toffee reached me and I smiled. I felt his arms wrap around me, and his lips touch my neck. _You are so beautiful, my wife_.

Now I turned around. "So are you, my husband." Edward pulled me close.

"I'm so proud of you," his velvet voice whispered in my ear. I squeezed him tighter in response. "Everyone is waiting for us, shall we go?"

"Just a minute." I put my hands on his cheeks and looked into his topaz eyes. They hadn't aged a second since I first saw them, but as I stared I could see in them every minute of my life since we'd first met. It took my breath away.

Edward stared back. He reached up and stroked my cheek and whispered, "Penny for your thoughts…"

"I can see my whole existence in your eyes." I remembered to breathe. "I love you."

Our lips met in a kiss so intense that the building could have collapsed around us and we wouldn't have known it. _I love you too_, Edward's thoughts whispered. We both shivered, and pulled each other tighter. _Forever._


	22. Epilogue II: 20 Years After the Wedding

**22. Epilogue II – 20 Years After the Wedding**

It was nearly noon by the time we got home from hunting. Edward and I were vacationing away from the family this year, at our 'little' house in Juneau for a change. It was like another honeymoon for us. The years had only strengthened our relationship, and though Edward still couldn't read my thoughts directly, he knew me so well that it almost didn't matter any more.

We settled in for the sunny afternoon, me with my laptop, and Edward with a book today. My screen quickly filled with information, and I turned first to email. It had been a few days since I'd checked it, and was surprised to see several messages from my mother waiting for me. I started with the most recent one, hoping to see what was bothering her. The email window opened and I froze. Edward's head turned toward me immediately, feeling my reaction.

**Your father passed away last night, Bella. He wanted you to know how much he loved you.**

"Bella, what is it?" Edward's voice was quiet.

"Charlie's dead." I closed my eyes as my mind started replaying all the memories I had of my father. Edward wrapped his arm around me.

"I'm so sorry, Bella." He didn't say anything else, just held me. Eventually I could breathe again and I put my head on his shoulder.

"I knew this would happen; I didn't think it would affect me so much." My mind was numb.

Edward just stroked my hair. "You loved him very much."

I turned back to my computer now, quickly reviewing the emails that my mother had sent. Apparently Charlie had suffered a stroke five days ago and had fallen down the stairs in his tiny house. Renée had gone to be with him during the last days, and he had died while we were out hunting last night. I knew that there was nothing I could have done, but I still felt the sting of guilt for being so unaware of his pain.

I read the last message completely now, and saw that the funeral was to be held in two days. I sighed.

"Are you alright?" Edward felt the small shift in my mood.

"The funeral is two days from now. I wish…" My words faded out. It wasn't fair to even think that I could attend – that was part of what I'd given up to sit here now with my husband. The Quileutes had been more than accommodating in letting me become a vampire, and now I had to live by the treaty that allowed that.

"Why don't I call Sam and just ask? He might allow us to go for just a little while…" Edward's voice was soothing.

I took a breath. "No, I should call, he was my father."

Edward's phone rang. He looked at me and we both knew it would be Alice, probably seeing our futures disappear when I decided to talk to a werewolf. He rose. "I'll talk to her, then make our travel arrangements." He went into the bedroom to make his calls, and I went to retrieve my cell phone from my purse. I stared at the phone in my hand as I worked out what to say to the werewolf chief.

I closed my eyes briefly, then opened the phone, dialing information. A short minute later I could hear the phone ringing at Sam Uley's house.

"Hello." A woman's voice answered. I recognized Emily Uley immediately.

"Hello. Is Sam there?" I waited.

"No, he is out right now. May I ask who is calling?" Emily's voice was as warm as I remembered it. I could hear noises in the background – probably her children. Charlie had written me a year ago telling me about the Uley's and their three kids, all of whom were in high school now.

"Emily, this is Bella… Bella Cullen." There was a long silence.

Emily's voice became serious, but not angry. "Hello Bella. I'm so sorry about your father." Her sympathy was genuine. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat.

"Thank you Emily." I took a breath. "That is actually why I was calling today. I wanted to ask Sam for a favor. Do you know when he will be back?" The guilty feeling was returning.

"He'll be back in an hour or so, Bella, but I don't think that Sam can help you." Her tone was not dismissive, it was hesitant. "You see, Sam is not chief anymore."

I caught my breath in surprise. "He's not…" I doubted that whoever was chief now would want to have anything to do with me. "Oh well, I'm sorry to bother you." I waited for her response before hanging up.

"Wait, Bella. Sam stepped down as chief when Jacob came back. Jacob Black is who you need to talk to. And I think he'll listen to you…" Her words were kind, but they didn't register at first. Jacob… There was no way I could go back now.

"No, I can't call Jacob. I'm the last person he'd want to talk to, especially now." I wondered where Jacob had been…

Emily spoke quickly. "Bella, you should ask him. I'm sure he's expecting you to call. He is married now and has two children. His wife is from Alaska – they married about ten years ago. They are very happy. Please call him, just once, Bella, and hear for yourself. I can't believe that he wouldn't let you attend the funeral." Emily's voice was so comforting, like I was her best friend.

"Emily, why are you being so kind to me? I don't deserve it." As her husband's mortal enemy she had no reason to be nice to me.

"I knew you before, remember? And I understand why you made the choice you did. Although there are some who see your kind as soulless, unfeeling beings, I can tell that that is not the case, at least for your family. You sound the same as I remember, and Jacob will hear that, too. Just ask him Bella. It won't hurt anyone to just ask."

I imagined her in the little house on the reservation, filled with her family, her scarred face staring out the window as she talked.

"Alright Emily, I will. How is your family doing?" We conversed for a few more minutes about her family and the goings on in La Push. It was nice to hear that everything was calm and that most of the pack had managed to control themselves and had normal lives. When our conversation ended I felt better. I then opened the phone again.

I tensed up as the phone rang this time.

"Hello, Black residence." A child's voice answered, surprising me. The girl must have been about eight or nine years old.

"Hello, may I speak to your dad?" I imagined the dark hair and russet skin the little girl must have. Her voice was soft and sweet.

"Sure, sure, I'll go get him. Who is this?" I could tell she was walking with the phone.

"My name is Bella."

"Okay Bella, hold on, he's in the garage." Of course, Jacob loved his cars. I could hear her calling her dad now. "_Dad, Bella is on the phone."_

I cringed as she shouted, straining to hear his reaction, but there was no sound.

"Hello, Bella." Jacob's voice was low and even. I could see his face clearly in my mind, fixed and solemn.

"Hello Jacob." My words had left me. I struggled to get them back. "H-How are you?" This was a mistake.

"I'm doing very well. You are calling about the funeral, I assume." My heart sank as I heard Jacob's business voice. My friend Jacob was probably long since gone.

"Yes. But I see now that it was a mistake. I'm sorry that I bothered you." He didn't deserve trouble from me. I started to put the phone down.

"Wait, Bella," he called. "Aren't you at least going to ask?" His voice softened slightly.

I pulled the phone close again. "Jacob, I don't want to interfere. It sounds like everything is going good for you, and it isn't that important that I attend. I'll hold to the treaty." I hoped he didn't hear the pain in my voice.

"Bella, what did you call for?" His voice was aggravated now, but sounded more like the Jacob I remembered – the Jacob who could irritate me as well as make me laugh.

"Fine." My voice was annoyed now, and the words came quickly. "I called to ask your permission for Edward and I to attend Charlie's funeral. No humans will know we are there. I also wanted to stop by Charlie's house for a few minutes. We'd spend all of a few hours in Forks, then leave. That's all."

I was still grumbling and barely heard his response. "Okay." He whispered. I was stunned.

"What?"

"I said okay. You can come, for a few hours." His voice was still quiet.

"I don't know what to say Jacob… thank you." There was a long pause.

"Are you… well?" He asked carefully.

"Yes Jacob, I am doing fine. I've never broken the treaty." I hoped he understood that I'd never attacked a human.

"And Edward?" I was amazed – he didn't choke on the name like he used to.

"He's fine, we all are. Your daughter sounds lovely, by the way." Could we actually converse like 'normal' people?

"Well, thanks. Maybe I'll see you at the funeral." Apparently not.

"Thanks again Jacob. Goodbye."

"Goodbye Bella." He hung up.

I sighed, and stared out the window. Edward joined me. I knew he'd heard enough to know what had transpired. He wrapped his hands around mine. _Are you ok? _He thought.

"Yes. We can go for a few hours. Jacob is chief now. He is married and has a family. I'm glad." I turned to Edward and smiled weakly.

_That's good. I'm glad he's happy_. I could tell that Edward meant it.

* * *

We arrived at the cemetery just before the service was to start. Appropriately it was a dark day; the clouds were pressing down, ready to open up at any minute. The crowd was very large, so we stood quite a ways away under a large oak tree. No one noticed us, and if they did, it would appear that we were attending a different grave.

I surveyed the crowd, noting that most if not all of the town was here. In the time since I'd left, Forks hadn't changed much, and the families were older but the same. Several of my friends from high school were here, including Mike Newton who was accompanying his elderly mother. The hearse arrived then, and I stiffened when I saw my mother step out of the front seat.

Edward wrapped his arms tightly around me. "How are you doing?" he whispered.

"Alright so far." I leaned into his chest and he kissed my hair, not touching my skin. He knew that I didn't want to share his gift of reading minds now – especially when I saw my mother. Hearing the sad thoughts of so many compounded with my own would have been too much to bear.

As I watched, Renée walked to her seat at the front of the crowd and dabbed her eyes with a tissue. I turned away, looking down.

"You know that she cared for him too." Edward whispered. "She wishes you were here."

"Please… don't," I breathed.

"I'm sorry." He kissed my hair again and didn't say anything else. I looked up now, watching the pall bearers bringing the casket to the grave. I caught my breath as I saw them. Quil, Embry, Paul, Jared, Seth, and Sam – all werewolves. Leading the casket, dressed in traditional Quileute chieftain headgear was Jacob. He hadn't aged a day since I'd seen him last, yet it was obvious he was older, wiser.

The sight was breathtaking, and I could feel Edward stand a little taller in respect. Jacob could only be described as magnificent, regally leading the group in a rhythmic chant as they slowly paraded through the crowd. They all moved as one, with a military precision that would put the most practiced soldier to shame.

As they set the casket down the breeze swirled toward us and my nose crinkled at their scent. Even though it disgusted me, it couldn't keep me from staring at them in awe. As each werewolf turned away to join the crowd I could tell which had found control, and which hadn't. Embry looked older while Quil looked exactly the same as the day I left. _Of course_, I thought to myself, as he joined a young woman I knew was his mate, Claire. She would be what, 22 now?

I watched as an older Sam joined Emily in the crowd with two of their children. I couldn't see Leah anywhere; I wondered if she was still here or not.

Jacob hadn't moved from his place at the head of the casket. His head turned slightly, and the whole crowd followed his gaze to watch a tall, beautiful girl push Billy Black toward the front in his wheelchair. I was surprised again as I looked at her – she was a young Emily. She must be their oldest daughter.

It was Billy that gave the eulogy, commenting on Charlie's kindness of spirit and loyalty to the community. My heart ached as he spoke of Charlie being his brother; how he had blessed the Quileute family. He did manage a smile as he remembered the times fishing with Charlie, and the crowd laughed quietly at one funny anecdote. The service ended with a beautiful prayer by Jacob in the Quileute language.

The service was short; Charlie wouldn't have wanted anything long and drawn out. The crowd started filing past the casket now, some leaving flowers or other mementos as the rain began. My mother bent over and whispered in Billy's ear, then gave Jacob a hug before leaving. We avoided her gaze as she peered at the crowd one more time, probably hoping to glimpse me.

Billy and Jacob were the last to leave. I watched as they approached their car, and felt the wind shift in their direction. Jacob's head snapped up and turned toward us. He froze for a moment, his expression unreadable. Then he turned to put Billy in the car and they were gone.

We now moved closer and stood silently over the open grave. Edward held me tight still saying nothing. "Are you okay?" he finally murmured.

"Yes. That was so beautiful." I wrapped my arm around Edward's waist. "I'll miss him." He squeezed me gently. Eventually I placed the bouquet of roses I'd brought at the base of Charlie's headstone, and we turned to go. This phase of my life was nearly over.

We pulled up in front of Charlie's house, parking in the same spot we had so many times before, back when I was human. From the outside it was impossible to tell that anything had changed since the last time I'd been here. I reached up under the eve and unlocked the door with the same rusty key. The family room showed a little wear – Charlie's chair was much more tattered, and the TV was new. The photos on the mantle now included my Dartmouth graduation photo, but little else had changed.

"It is still the same." I whispered. Edward held me as we walked to the kitchen, then up the stairs. I turned into my room first. It too was the same as I'd left it, the bed neatly made. I walked to the window and opened it. It stuck now, not having been open in so long. Memories flooded my mind of my human life so long ago.

"What are you thinking about?" Edward rubbed my shoulders.

"Just remembering…" I took a breath. _My_ human memories hadn't faded a bit. I closed the window, turned and held my husband tightly. "Did you ever go back to your home, after?"

"Yes, once. It was very hard for me." He was somber.

I released him and we left my empty room and went into Charlie's room. The piles had changed slightly here, but there was not enough difference to merit notice. I sat on the edge of his bed and picked up his pillow, inhaling his scent and committing it to memory forever. I looked around, still hugging the pillow. "I should decide what I want to take."

"We have time; there is no reason to rush."

I got up and went to the dresser. I found Charlie's tiny jewelry box; it held the watch he received when he retired from the police force and his wedding ring. I kept the box and its contents. Nearby was my parent's wedding photo; I picked that up as well.

We continued looking around, but I saw little else that I wanted to keep. Edward then opened the drawer of the bedside table and beckoned me.

Inside were two stacks of letters. One stack contained the letters I'd sent him since leaving, the other was a stack of letters from my mother, dated before I was born. I picked up the second stack, glancing through it before adding it to my collection.

We went back downstairs and I picked a couple of the pictures off of the mantle. Just then we heard soft steps on the porch, and a bitter odor crept in under the door. I looked at Edward.

"Come in Jacob." He said evenly, his eyes still on me. Edward gently took my hand, and I could hear concern in his thoughts over Jacob's presence. As the door opened, I could hear Jacob's mind preparing to see me up close. As he looked at me I was amazed at what I saw through his eyes. To him I looked like a glowing crystal – sparkling, even though we weren't in the sunshine. I gasped quietly and dropped Edward's hand.

Jacob looked briefly at Edward, nodded, then stared at me. "Hello, Bella." His voice was tight.

"Hi Jake." I couldn't help but be familiar with my friend. "Edward, can you take these to the car, please." Edward looked warily at me, unwilling to leave me alone with Jacob. "I'll be there in a minute." I assured him.

"Jacob." He said as he left slowly. I watched him get into the car, keeping his eyes on me through the windows of the house.

"We're almost done, Jacob, then we'll go. Thanks again." I wasn't sure why he was here, but I didn't want to upset him. I was still reeling from how he perceived vampires.

Jacob shifted. "It's okay Bella. I just wanted to see you. You look good, for a …" He couldn't finish, and a tiny grin appeared.

I relaxed, and smiled back. "It is good to see you Jacob. Emily said that you are doing well." Jacob also relaxed a little.

"Yes, I am. You were right, you know. There was someone out there for me." He smiled a little wider now. "And in a way, I have to thank you for helping me to find her."

I was confused. "How did I help?"

He frowned for a moment. "Well, when I got your wedding invitation, I kind of… left." My eyes widened at this news – he wasn't supposed to have ever seen one. I glared at Edward out the window. He quickly turned away from my gaze. "Don't be mad at him, Bella, I would have done the same thing. Anyway, I couldn't be around the pack any more so I ran away. I was a wolf for months, travelling farther and farther north. I had no intention of becoming human ever again." My heart ached as he spoke of the pain I'd put him through.

"I'm so sorry Jacob." I whispered. He moved closer to me, and with his nose crinkled he touched my shoulder.

"It's okay Bella, it was really meant to be this way, I know that now. I ran all the way to the Aleutian peninsula and found another tribe. When a single… _vampire_… came near them, I protected them like they were my own family. It was familiar to me, but without all the baggage of the tribe here, so I decided to try and be human with them for a while. That was when I saw Lila, and I knew what it felt like to imprint.

"She was only twelve at the time, so I stayed, protecting and loving her. When she was of age we married, and she talked me into coming back. I'm happier than I'd ever thought I could be." He smiled at me again, and I could hear the sincerity in his words.

"I'm so glad you're happy, Jacob. I've worried about you, you know." I smiled back. He was still my Jacob – my friend Jacob. "I don't understand how I helped you, though."

"Bella, if you had chosen me over him I never would have left, never would have found Lila. We'd have been happy, I'm sure, but having found her, I understand what it means to find your true soul mate. I also think I understand how Edward feels about you, soul or no." I frowned at him, at his description of Edward, but then smiled again. He smiled back, then carefully touched my cheek briefly and shivered.

"You are so cold, Bella. It is hard for me to understand that it is really you." His voice wavered a bit and his touch stung my skin.

"But it is me, Jacob, no matter how I look or feel." Irritation crept into my voice for a moment, but then I softened my tone. "My body is different, but I'm still here. I've had challenges myself, but I've fought hard to keep that piece of humanity that is _Bella_. Without it I am just a monster."

"And you've never…" Jacob whispered and looked down.

I reached out and carefully touched his chin with the tip of my finger, pulling it up to look in his eyes. His skin burned like fire. "No. I've never injured a human nor tasted human blood. I intend to keep it that way."

He stared in my eyes for a long moment. "I believe you. Can I ask one other thing?"

"Sure, what is it?"

"Do you have any, well, special abilities?" He looked at me carefully, his eyes narrowing slightly.

"Still the werewolf, eh, Chief Jacob?" He flinched at the title, and then shrugged. I smirked. "Yes. I can share another vampire's talent if I touch him or her." I waited to see if he could understand what I meant.

"So, if you touch him you can read minds, too?" I was happy that he got it so quickly.

"Yes. Oh, and he still can't read my mind…" I knew that would please Jacob, and he grinned at me again.

"That's not so bad." He reached out and held my hand, both of us flinching from the sensation. We stood looking at each other for another moment, but then I broke the connection.

"I should be going, I don't want to get you into trouble." I smiled again. "Please tell Billy thank you for the wonderful service. You were all so beautiful." Jacob looked down, embarrassed. "And thanks for being my friend, Jacob."

When he looked up again, I could see the Jacob of old in his eyes. "Thank you Bells. It was really good to see you. Take care."

"Take care, Jacob." My emotions were all confused. I was happy that he was happy, but sad that this was the last time I'd ever see him. He waved once more as he stepped out the front door.

I looked out the window at my husband, and he was smiling to himself. Jacob walked toward the car, and for a moment I panicked. The fear subsided quickly as I heard Edward's voice say "Thank you Jacob. I wish you well." Jacob then turned toward the forest, pulling off his t-shirt as he went.

I took one more look around, picked up a framed set of lures that had been by my father's chair as long as I could remember, and then stepped out the door, locking it. I would arrange to have his estate taken care of once we'd returned home. I took one look back at the house, feeling sad.

As I walked to the car, I realized that I wouldn't ever do this again. My mother had Phil and their daughter to take care of her things; it wouldn't be the same. Their life was totally separate from mine now, and there was nothing left of me in it. This was truly the end of my human life.


	23. Extra 1: Edward's Anger Management

_Author's Note:_

_This is the first Extra to **first light**. It is Edward's side of Bella's furor in Chapter 17 'Anger Management.' I wrote this along with **first light **- it was important for me to know how Edward knew to give Bella dry clothes!_

_Edward has his angst up, as usual._

_Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks to **shabbyapple**, **qjmom**, and my e-sis **psymom** for beta's!_

_In Edward's voice..._

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Anger Management – Edward's side

After Bella and Alice left, I went to find Carlisle and Esme. Esme led us out into the forest around the house and showed us the mammoth tree that Alice had selected. _It'll be a challenge getting this one in the house,_ Carlisle thought as we went to work. I tried to focus on the task, and not think about Bella shopping with Alice, alone. My mother sensed my worry, as usual.

"She'll be fine Edward; Alice won't let anything bad happen. You know that…" Esme tried to comfort me. I sighed.

"I know, but I still worry. She has come so far, so fast…" I took a deep breath as we started back toward the house.

"She really has, hasn't she?" I could feel Esme's love for my wife, and I couldn't help but share it. Esme opened the double doors that led into the back of the house. The wind gusted suddenly, blowing through the family room. I saw all the decorations shudder, and papers and books fly toward the front door.

"We'll clean that up, Esme." Carlisle chimed. He knew as well as I did that Esme was already thinking about which ornaments to use this year. We set the tree in its stand in the corner of the family room as Esme supervised.

"Lovely. Alice chose a nice one." She looked around the room briefly. "Do you think that Bella would mind the nineteen-forty's decorations, Edward?"

I thought for a moment. "I think she would like those. She enjoys old fashioned things." I smiled, thinking of her ancient truck. Esme left to dig out that set of ornaments and I went to help Carlisle clean up the flurry of books and paper.

As we stacked up the magazines, Carlisle's thoughts got louder. _What is this?_ I didn't pay much attention until he began to read.

_Aro seems to be the spokesman of the Volturi 'family'. Elegant and articulate, curiosity is his motivation in almost everything. He exudes an air of intelligence. I would guess that he has absorbed an enormous amount of information over time. Does he remember everything that everyone has ever revealed to him? He seems to respect Carlisle, though doesn't seem to hold much stock in Carlisle's chosen way of life._

_He also seems somewhat similar to Carlisle in that he appears to favor, or at least consider, other options before violence. Unlike Carlisle though, I don't sense the abhorrence of violence in Aro, and he will use it without conscience. He is very comfortable with the power at his disposal, and it is easy to see why he would covet Edward and Alice. He seems to care for Jane like a pet – a pet attack dog. I wonder if he desires my family solely for their abilities, or if he fears them as well._

_I can only imagine what it would be like if I were to try and absorb the multitude of his thoughts and memories…_

"Carlisle what are you…" As I turned, I saw what was in his hands. "No…" I whispered.

Carlisle looked up from the book in his hands and saw the expression on my face. "Do you know what this is Edward?" As he flipped through the pages I heard Alice's car turn into the garage. Her thoughts were a buzz I ignored. Carlisle's thoughts filled my head as I saw through his eyes that Bella's entire book was about the Volturi. She had spent all this time worrying about them…

"Carlisle, please don't. That's Bella's notebook. She is very private about what she writes." Sadness filled me. Why didn't Bella tell me she was so worried? I listened now as the car doors closed. Alice's mind filled with an image of Bella I'd never wanted to see. She was enraged, terrifyingly angry, a true vampire. Carlisle still looked down at the book, and I stepped toward him to take it away.

"_Maybe we should wait a bit before we go in."_ Alice's voice was urgent.

_Edward, I can't stop her… _she thought, warning me. I was now next to Carlisle. He closed the book lost in thought, not hearing the sounds that I did.

"_Why?"_ Bella's voice was confused. I shuddered, thinking of what she'll do when she finds us.

"_Bella, let's go…"_ Alice pleaded.

"How long has she been working on this?"Carlisle asked.He thumbed through the book one more time. I began to tense, wanting to tear the book out of his hands – but what would I do then? It was already too late. Alice's vision intruded again – Bella was now snarling, then running. I couldn't tell where she was running to, or away from, but I could easily guess.

"Since the camping trip. I had no idea. She's going to be very angry when she comes in."I could hear the fear in my own voice, and Carlisle looked into my eyes. He realized that Bella was outside. _I'm sorry Edward. Let me explain it to her – it's my fault._

I just shook my head sadly as I heard her stomping toward the door. How can I explain this? What if this is the thing that drives her from me… I heard Alice as I prepared to face my wife.

"_Please try not to break anything, Bella. Remember, they love you,"_ Alice said with a sigh.

I slowly opened the door. Alice looked at me and grimaced. Bella stood next to her trembling with rage – the image I'd just seen in Alice's mind. My heart ripped in two. "Bella," I said, waiting for the fury.

"Edward," she managed through her teeth. I'd seen her seriously angry only once as a human, but never like this. Her face was livid as she shoved her fists into the pockets of her jeans. I looked into her eyes and could see the betrayal that accompanied the anger. A low growl escaped her lips. It sent a shiver down my spine.

_It'll be okay, Edward, really_. Alice's thoughts flew by as she rushed between us toward her room. I caught a picture of Bella and me together in a dark, snowy meadow in her vision of the future, but it was no comfort. I focused everything on my fuming wife.

I tried to relax, to not infuriate her further. "Bella, please forgive me and Carlisle. It truly was an accident." I waited for some reaction, but there was none.

I was tensing up again. "We were bringing the tree in and the wind blew through the house. All the magazines and books were blown on to the floor. Carlisle and I cleaned them up." Still no response… How I wanted to know what she was thinking – to know how much she hated me at this moment. I was sure my penny wouldn't work now…

I tried again. "Bella, please. Carlisle picked up your book, not knowing what it was. He glanced at the page and it caught his attention. Then he showed it to me." I felt the shame of what I'd seen through Carlisle's thoughts. She finally reacted, crossing her arms, seething. I couldn't look her in the eye as I confessed.

"I recognized what it was. I should have taken it from him and put it away, but I didn't. I'm so sorry Bella." I saw her eyes blazing and desperately hoped that they would soften, if only for a moment. I wanted to hold her, beg for her forgiveness, but she began to shake even more. Touching her was out of the question.

"How could you…" she spat, then turned away from me. My heart broke as I realized she was hiding everything from me now, her words, her thoughts, her face… Piece by piece she was leaving me. The terror of losing her now reared up inside me again. I could picture her screaming and running away, something that at one point I had wanted. Not now though, not ever again. In my memory I faintly heard her promise not to hide from me, but how could I expect her to keep it? I hadn't kept my promise… again…

"Bella, _please come inside_." I begged her, knowing it wouldn't be enough. I cringed at the thought of never seeing her eyes again.

"What is this? _Fear_?" Her voice cut me like a knife as she spun to face me. "You don't really think that I would try to hurt you, do you?!" I heard the windows rattle at her shrill tone. One last look at her lovely face…

"No, Bella, I know that." I could barely speak due to the lump in my throat. How I wish she would stay, even if it was just to punish me… "Please …don't leave… _Please_." As I continued to beg her, her eyes widened, realizing my true fear. My chest became empty at the sight, my heart, lungs, it all disappeared, leaving with her. I wouldn't follow her when she turned to go…

"How _dare_ you think that I would run from you. Where would I go – South America? I made you a _promise_… If you know what that means." I felt my mouth open at the words as my brain struggled to understand, frozen in shock. Before I could start to comprehend what was happening, Bella shocked me again – she ran _into_ the house.

As I watched, still stunned, Bella appeared in front of Carlisle with her hand out. I still couldn't breathe, I was so dumbfounded by this turn. _She didn't leave…_ I finally managed a short breath as the chasm in my chest began to close, no longer empty.

"I'm very sorry, Bella. It was my fault." Carlisle's words were soft. His thoughts echoed his words.

She was shaking so hard he had to work to put the book in her hand. Bella then snarled viciously at him – Carlisle flinched and another shiver went down my spine. The notebook flew toward the fire, and then she disappeared. The sound of the bedroom door slamming woke me from my trance.

_No!_ Carlisle's thoughts yelled.

I turned back to him just in time to see him reach into the fire and pluck out her book. Only one corner had started to burn, and he quickly extinguished it with his hand.

Now my anger was starting to rise. "What are you doing? She threw that into the fire – let it burn." I strode toward him. I would give her whatever she wanted, and she wanted that book gone.

_Edward, wait._ Carlisle held up his hand. I stopped knowing that I couldn't attack my father. _You know that Bella did not think when she threw this in; she was just reacting with her anger. When she calms down, she will probably regret that action._

We both flinched when we heard another door slam. I listened carefully and could hear music – loud, metal, screaming music – and the shower. I took a breath, realizing that she was keeping her promise. Her faithfulness to me should have brought me relief, but instead it only amplified how worthless I felt.

_I won't look in it again Edward, I promise, and if she wants to burn it after she's calmed down, she will. But she's put so much into this, I'm sure that she will want it back._

"I doubt it. She regrets nothing once she's made a decision." My voice faded out and I looked down. I tried not to imagine my life without her loving me. She wouldn't leave, that was clear, but how could she still love me?

_Edward, she'll calm down and it will be alright. I'll make sure she understands that this was all my fault_. Carlisle continued to try and take responsibility again for Bella's anger, but it didn't help. My mind tried to understand how Bella could still be here…

Another possibility occurred to me then, even more horrible. She could tell _me_ to leave. I gasped as I remembered when I _was_ alone, without her or my family. How I'd tried to end my tortured existence – and nearly succeeded. She'd remembered, too, when she mentioned South America… and she'd remembered the pain I'd caused her; that I keep causing.

Then reality set in. No, Bella would never ask me to leave my family – it would hurt _them_ too much. She still loved them. She _would_ stay and it would be worse than punishment – why had I thought that it would be better? We would be together forever, just as she'd promised. I would spend eternity with a woman whom I loved but who hated me. I'd finally managed to find the elusive hell on earth.

"She still loves you Edward, this doesn't change that." Carlisle tried to comfort me, somehow sensing my thoughts.

"Doesn't it? This isn't the first promise I've broken. And I questioned her faith in me. How can she trust me now? Why should she?" Anger and pain mixed together in my voice. I tried to swallow the lump that was still in my throat.

"Give her a little more credit than that, Edward." Alice's voice was defiant as she joined us. "Bella has never held a grudge. I thought you knew her better than I did. Quit overreacting!"

I glared at Alice as her words sank in. Was I overreacting? Bella was _so_ angry, how could she simply forgive me? She couldn't, there had to be consequences. The ache in my chest returned.

The helpless feeling took over again and I sat on the couch and covered my eyes with my hand. She won't leave, but she won't be happy, either. I felt the penny dangling in my shirt, another knife in my heart. I couldn't think anymore, the pain made it impossible. "What do I do now?" I finally whispered, defeated.

"You go get her a set of dry clothes and wait for her to forgive you." Alice's voice softened. "Then you stop worrying that Bella could ever _not_ love you. I don't need to see the future to know that she always will. If nothing else, she is too stubborn to stop loving you. You need to accept that you and she are two halves of the same being – soul mates she would say."

I looked up in Alice's eyes, wanting to believe her. She loved Bella almost as much as I did, and there was truth in her words. I heard another loud song start on the CD. My throat was still constricted, though. I started to argue, but Alice stopped me. She looked into the future again, and I saw Bella smiling, her hair wet, reaching up to kiss me. I took a deep breath. Could it be true?

"Here's something else for you." Alice held out a single red rose and smiled. "Trust me…"

I slowly took the flower from her, remembering the first night Bella was my wife and closed my eyes. Would it ever be like that again?

"Go, she's almost done." Alice prodded me. I looked at Carlisle. _You know she is right… This is nothing compared to what you two have already been through._

I tried to tell myself that they _were_ right, that it would all be okay, that I _was_ overreacting. They both had been married a lot longer than I had, after all. I stood and headed to our room.

Slowly I reached for the door and opened it. There had been no sound after Bella had slammed this door, so I wasn't totally surprised that the room was in pristine order. Had it been me, there wouldn't have been anything larger than a dime left here. Her control was impressive.

Alice had said that Bella needed clothes, so I carefully picked out a set for her. I didn't choose my favorite blue, though, still afraid of inflaming her anger. The music changed to another song – there were only a few more left on the CD. I stood at the bathroom door, trying to make my hand open it.

What would I say? She could see the door from the shower – would she even acknowledge my presence? Would there be more snarling? _Do it, Edward…_ Alice's thoughts yelled at me. Dammit – why was I cursed with this 'gift'?

I quietly opened the door, and slipped in before any steam could escape. I hazarded a glance toward the shower, and was taken aback by the sight. Bella was standing, fully clothed, in the stream of water. I could see her eyes were closed as she slowly rolled her shoulders, relaxing them. I marveled at her for only a moment, then set down her clothes next to the CD player. I kissed the rose and laid it on top.

I slipped out before she could see me. She had started rolling her head around, eyes still closed, working on relaxing her neck as I crept back out.

The door closed silently behind me, and I heard the last song on the CD start. My mind raced with the image of her calmly releasing the anger and tension. How did I deserve her?

I sat on the bed with my hands in my lap. Alice's words came back to me, _soul mates_. Part of me embraced this idea, felt the connection between us. Bella had always believed that I still had a soul, but after so long, could I accept that? The other part of me was still filled with doubt. How many more times would I hurt her, break my promises to her? She deserved so much better.

I was still punishing myself when the door slowly opened. I looked up at Bella, her beauty befitting her name, outshining the rose in her hand. She took a step toward me and I stood, my still heart aching with the pain I'd put her through.

"I'm so sorry, Bella." The words stumbled through my clogged throat. "Can you ever forgive me?" Her face was so peaceful, like an angel. I looked away, preparing for the worst, trying to not hope.

Then she was around me, comforting _me_. "You know that I already have." My silent heart exploded, and I pulled her close. As I buried my face in her wet hair, the dampness on my cheeks reminded me of what tears felt like. I couldn't speak, her love was endless.

"I'm sorry that I got so angry at you Edward. I guess I'm a prone to overreacting, too." Now she was apologizing to me. My shame filled me completely now.

I could barely whisper. "I'm so ashamed that I thought you might leave me. I _do_ know what your promise means. I will never question it again." Soul mates… Forever… It was starting to make sense now.

"I didn't mean to scare you. And for what I said…that was cruel. I lost control. I'm sorry I hurt you like that." Bella's voice was so sad. I held her tight, trying to chase the sadness away. "Can you forgive me?" she whispered.

What was she saying? We separated far enough so I could see in her eyes. They were warm and apologetic – I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"Can I forgive you? Bella you are absurd." The pain was finally starting to disappear. "You did nothing for me to forgive. You're more than entitled to be angry at me – for so many things." …all the times I'd hurt her, especially when I'd left her… "I don't deserve you. I love you so much."

"I love you too." I could feel her words in my heart as she slid her fingers through my hair. "And thank you for the clothes and the flower." I owed Alice for that… and so much more. She was so lucky – she always knew Jasper was for her – _her_ soul mate. Now I knew in my heart, and maybe in my soul that Bella was for me, always.

We just stood there, complete in each other. She didn't say anything else; she just held me, warming me with her love. Part of me still wondered if the anger was completely gone, so I released her just enough to kiss her and look into her beautiful eyes – tangerine colored today.

"Are you sure you're not angry any more? It's okay if you are…" As I spoke I could see that her eyes were clear, hiding nothing.

"Yes, I'm sure. You know me. I can't stay angry at anyone very long, especially you." She smiled and it took my breath away.

The corners of Bella's mouth then turned down. "I'm actually mad at myself for burning my notes…"

I smiled back. Carlisle was right – I should have known. "Close your eyes."

I could see suspicion in her face, but she released me and gently closed her eyes. Again her beauty stunned me as she waited patiently. I darted out the door to the family room. My head swiveled around quickly, looking for the book. "Here" was all Carlisle said, as he held it out to me, complete with a ribbon wrapped around it. I looked at him with as much gratitude as I could muster. I loved my father so much. _I love you too, son_, he thought. In a flash I was standing before my wife again.

"Open them." I smiled at her as I held out the book. For a moment the pain returned – her face flashed an angry look as she realized what was in my hands. Just as fast the look disappeared though, and was replaced by relief, then gratitude.

Her eyes were warm when she looked up, and I could remember the tears that would have been shining in them when she was human. "Thank you. I'm glad you saved it." She batted at an absent tear.

The anger was now gone, and we reached for each other, kissing until the world disappeared around us. Even though breathing was not a necessity for either of us, we were both panting when we separated. I was whole again. Even my humor returned…

"You need to thank Carlisle for your book, he picked it out of the fire… but I don't think that kissing him like that is really appropriate." I tried to grimace, and her laugh filled my heart with joy. I reached for her, feeling a familiar electricity as I gently rubbed her neck.

"I'll try and think of a more appropriate way to thank Carlisle," she joked. I smirked as she set the book down on the end table. She turned and pulled my ear down to her lips. I melted at the sound of her seductive lilt.

"…But not until I'm done thanking you," and she pulled me toward the bed…


End file.
